Monsters Inc: Termination: A Captain Pan Production

Monsters Inc: Termination

by Captain Pan

Rated: BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) PG (Contains mild threat and scary moments)

Genre: … (Would Like Some Help)

Summary: Monstropolis in Peril, the walls between the Human world and that of Sulley’s homeworld are coming under attack, but not in the usual way Monsters Incorporated is used to… the humans are fighting back… Is there anyone who can save Monstropolis? What will happen to Monsters Incorporate? Join the fight as Sulley and Mike take on the Human Resistance!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters featured in Monsters Inc. The Characters of Monsters Inc (2001) belong solely to Pete Docter & Pixar/Disney. I own this story and everything written in it. I do have my own original characters, which belong to me.

For The Boss

The beacon of an open portal lit ringing out its active nature.
A Shaggy fur hit the handle, twisting the knob, forcing the white boards into the great unknown. The fur followed through, the Orange fibres took its location into the void. The boards closed behind leaving the small green assistant to take up his position, canister in place ready for collection, ready and waiting, with seconds remaining…

Time went on, ready and waiting Monstropolis anticipated its collection, and nothing came…

Time continued to pass; “This shouldn’t be taking this long, he’s normally much faster than this, maybe I should tell Sully?” crossed the mind of the stalks in the blue hat, “Maybe I shouldn’t the big orange man will be fine, he’s capable of doing the work, he’ll be fine, I’ll give him more time.”

Time continued to tick on… and nothing remained to happen! Silence was all that echoed from the white door…

Then it happened. Sound the orange bundle of fur was doing his job. The door had sound behind it, but not what Monstropolis was expecting. No sound of laughter shot through the door, no sound of enjoyment or the tickling of ribs, but the screech of fear. The canister sat locked in place ready to collect, but even with the screech resonating within the void, movement for the canister remained non existent.

“Mr Sullivan, Mr Sullivan!” cried Charlie, But Mr Sullivan was a little preoccupied. “Mr Sullivan!" the assistant cried out again, but the Shaggy blue fur remained focused on his task. “Mr Sullivan we have a problem!”
“We have a problem?” Sullivan’s ears pricked up. “What type of problem?”
“Mr Sullivan; its George he’s been in the door for a while now, and well…”
“Which door?” Sullivan growled.
“The d…d… door at Ssss…Sta…Station f…four si… sir.”

Sullivan made his way to the station, problems were now his responsibility, and those were quickly raising in numbers since his promotion to head of the corporation. As Sullivan arrived the door re-opened, the void revealed, the unknown became known.

There was nothing… No George… No room bathed in the moonlight, just the dark.

Sullivan turned to the anthrapodic assistant turning a even deeper shade of green as embarrassment flexed into his system before the mighty blue ruler! “There is no-one here!” Growled the Boss.
“Mr Sullivan, George…” Charlie gulped once more “George went in there… I swear I saw him go in there”

“Well I don’t see him… Close this door down!” Sullivan scowled as his blue fist reached into the room to grab the handle, only to find something unexpecting as he retracted it from the void.

“Sir… Sullivan… I…” The Orange Mountain’s hand clutched that of the Boss, as he dragged himself out of the darkness into the light of the home. “I’m sorry.”

George returned from the void into the world… The Mountain struggled with his balance as his form broke into the light. The pink skin cut into the world of the fur and scales and fell mercilessly at the feet of the boss…
“Sir we have a problem” The voice whimpered from the ground, as its hand unfurled.

James P Sullivan, the master scarer dropped to his colleagues’ side, looking deep into the hand of his fallen comrade, it was there… a note from the outside world… looking at the note it dawned upon him…
“Shut down the floor… and get us a medic and call Number One”

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Thank you for reading… This is indeed my first so I need guidance so would like some help… in the form of everything including Criticism!

Best Wishes: Keep Smiling

Captain Pan

Edit: Some of the Grammar is complete… But then Grammar is my weakness.

I was led to this fanfic through your sig, so good marketing tactics!
Promotional strategies aside, it’s not very often I’ve seen a Monsters Inc fanfic, so this should prove interesting.
Regarding your grammar, it’s a little difficult to follow the story at times because your sentences are missing punctuation marks (like full stops and commas) and some of the sentences run on for too long.
Your description of the scene and characters also get confusing at times. I can understand you’re trying to describe them in an eloquent manner, but I think it would be better if you used simpler terms. Sentences like “the pink skin cut into the world of the green and blue skin and fell mercilessly at the feet…” bamboozled me a bit there, and I still don’t understand what it meant, but maybe it’s just me.
But other than that, I like the way how you created tension with George not returning for a while, and when he finally did, with a note from his ‘attacker’. I wonder what’s on the note, but I’ll guess we’ll find out next chapter! Great cliffhanger, I can’t wait to read more. Just polish the grammar and syntax a bit, is my advice.

Like Theatre said, your good at some description, but how make it sinch together seems to be the difficulty.
“Mind of the man with the blue hat” made me actually think it was a human at first, till I realized later it was Charline. Could’ve added a “tentacle” or “eye stalk” somewhere to make it more apparent.
But don’t be discourage, a little straightening is all it needs. Other than that, you did very very well

I think you may need some grammar correcting of your own, Nexas.

Thank you both Nexas and TDIT, hopefuly I can alter the minor details… Grammar in particular. It could take a while, and if I were you, I’d continue to use that advice as I add the story on, as I am particularly known by my teachers for elongated sentences.
Concerning Description, once completely re-edited some of those bamboozling lines, so now they should make sense.

Thank You TDIT concerning Marketing… You are talking to a holder of an A level in Media, and I for one excelled at the advertising section of the course!
The Monsters Inc movement came from nothing, I had thought I would have done an Incredibles one. I hope it does prove interesting too.

Concerning the note. Not even I know what is on it. I’m not sure we’ll find out. But we shall all wait and see.

Expect more tension as the chapters follow, even a few “you can’t do that” in some of the ones I have planned already.

Expect to tell me to brush up my grammar too!

What do you mean by that?
Ahem…yes I forgot a d in one of the words, but at the time I was working on something rather important.

looks at Peter Which is one reason why writers shouldn’t get discouraged of a typo or missing letter here and there. I’ve seen it before, even in published books.

Well I have started Chapter 2 and its not going well. I have 2 ideas for the chapter, and neither have got past the 100 word mark or the basics of an introduction to be completely honest, But then i do have plenty of time to do it. Roughly 8 weeks to get somewhere into the story…

If you need any inspiration, tips, advice, or beta-reading, you look around the M.I. section.