Al's Pathetic Existence

Chapter Index:
Chapter 1: Al Loses His Job
Chapter 2: Al Moves In With His Mom
Chapter 3: Al Gets a Date

A new series inspired by this thread:
pixarplanet.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=7261

I’m holding off Pixar vs. Dreamworks for now until I finish it completely. I’ll probably post the rest of that story in bulk. It will eventually be posted, though.

This is written in a similar format to PvD. It’s just about the adventures of Al following Toy Story 2. He has to try to make the best of his miserable life and search for meaning in his world. Mainly for comedic purposes only.

[u]Chapter 1: Al Loses His Job[/u]

EXT. AL’S TOY BARN

A camera crew surrounds Al, our favorite middle aged Woody’s Roundup collector from the hit movie Toy Story 2, who is in a chicken suit. He looks towards the camera in tears.

AL (pathetically)
Welcome to Al’s Toy Barn…we’ve got the lowest prices in town…everything for a buck, buck, bu-starts sobbing

Al looks away from the camera and covers his head in shame as he has a breakdown.

CAMERA MAN
Aaaaaand…cut! Perfect!

Al runs away, still in tears and in his chicken costume. As he heads towards his car, he trips on a wire and falls to the ground, the impact stopped by his chicken suit.

AL (crying)
Oh, why me?! Why is it always me?! Ohhhh…

INT. 7-11 - NIGHT

The store is quiet and deserted. The only person working is Sumeet, a typical 7-11 cashier.

Then Al comes crashing in, still crying, but thankfully no longer in his chicken suit. He sits on a miraculously appearing bar stool in front of the cash register.

SUMEET
What is wrong, my friend?

AL (crying)
I go on a whole darn trip to Japan, put my whole future on it, only to find that my toys are gone! Gasps for air, then continues crying

SUMEET
Uh…so, what can I do for you?

AL
Sniffs Gimmie a Slurpee. Hardcore, extra syrup. And a lotto ticket or something.

SUMEET
Anything for my best customer!

Sumeet hands Al a comically oversized Slurpee. Al takes it, removes the lid, and dumps his face in it.

Sumeet then holds a lottery ticket in front of him.

SUMEET
Three dollar signs and you win $999,999,999,999!

AL (voice muffled)
Yeah, yeah.

Al (with his face still in the Slurpee) takes the ticket. He removes his face which is now comically covered in slush. He isn’t crying anymore.

Al looks at the ticket for a moment. Then his head hits the counter and he resumes his pathetic sobbing.

AL (crying)
Oh, I can’t do it!! I’ll get so sad if I lose! My life is falling apart!

SUMEET
Uh…so, can you pay for that?

Al darts out of the store, hugging his Slurpee pathetically.

INT. AL’S APARTMENT - LATER

Al creaks the door into the apartment open. Light from the hallway pierces into the room. He steps in and turns the lights on. His Woody’s Roundup merchandise comes into clear view. Al throws his Slurpee and lottery ticket onto the carpet.

Al slowly walks through the room. He glares at the Woody’s Roundup merchandise, and steps towards it. From behind his back, Al pulls out a baseball bat.

Al goes wild. He smashes Woody’s Roundup plates, throws Cowboy Crunchies across the room, and rips apart cardboard set pieces. Countless rare pieces of memorabilia are destroyed before his very eyes. He takes the baseball bat and shatters glass everywhere.

Al falls to the ground. Surrounding him is broken glass shards, cereal, cheese puffs, and pieces of Woody’s Roundup merchandise further broken apart. Al smashes his fist to the carpet in defeat. The camera pulls out from his butt towards the ceiling.

[b]FADE:

INT. AL’S APARTMENT - ONE YEAR AND ONE DAY LATER

ONSCREEN TEXT: ONE YEAR AND ONE DAY LATER[/b]

The same shot of Al on the ground continues. He’s breathing so he’s obviously not dead. More trash appears around him that has accumulated over the past year.

RING RING RING!!

It’s Al’s cell phone. Al’s head suddenly jerks up.

AL
Huh, what, woah?!

Al pulls himself into a standing position.

AL
I wish my life was just a bad dream. Not that it can get much worse…

He flips open the cell phone and holds it to his ear.

AL
Yeah, who is this?

MR. BROWN (on phone)
It’s Mr. Brown, your manager. Geez, you haven’t picked up in a month!

AL
I’m sorry, alright? Things have been tough for me lately.

MR. BROWN (on phone)
Well, then I have some pretty darn terrible news for you.

AL (ready to start bawling at any possible second)
…What?

MR. BROWN (on phone)
Well, after a disastrous series of commercials in which you bawled on camera, profits for Al’s Toy Barn went down considerably. As your manager, I had no choice but to…

AL (ready to start bawling at any possible second)
…What?

MR. BROWN (on phone)
…I sold Al’s Toy Barn to Hal Hirschfeld. It’s gonna be Hal’s Toy Barn.

AL (calmly)
Oh.

AL (a little louder)
My.

AL (insanely loud and angry)
[i][u]GOD!!![/i][/u]

MR. BROWN
I knew you would be upset, but…

AL (maniacally)
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!! IT’S ALL FALLING APART!!! GAH!!!

Al chucks the cell phone at the TV and it explodes. He starts sobbing and drops to the ground. But then, Al looks in front of his face.

On the carpet, he sees a lottery ticket. He stops crying and pulls out an incredibly rare coin that is worth a ton of money from his pocket. He scratches away.

AL
Come on…

A dollar sign.

AL
Yeah…

A second dollar sign.

AL
YEAH…

A third dollar sign!!

AL (excitedly)
OH YEAH BABY!!! I WON THE LOTTO!!!

Al does the dorkiest dance ever and makes out with his lottery ticket. He throws the expensive coin into a conveniently placed incinerator and dashes out of the door insanely fast.

EXT. CITY STREETS

Al flies down the sidewalk at an insane rate. His feet set on fire. Suddenly, he breaks the space-time continuum and a small rip in the fabric of reality forms, which Al runs through.

INT. 7-11

Al ends up at the other end of the hole in the fabric of reality, which conveniently ends in 7-11. Al comes to a halt and puts out the fire on his feet. He looks up to see Sumeet at the counter.

SUMEET
Welcome to 7-11, how can I help you, you deranged maniac?

Al looks toward Sumeet with an extremely disturbing smile.

AL (like a deranged maniac)
LOTTO TICKET!!!

Al slams his ticket onto the counter. Sumeet picks it up and puts on his reading glasses.

SUMEET
Mhmmmm…yes, I do see three dollar signs.

He squints as he reads the fine print.

SUMEET
Ohh…oh, dear, sorry sir.

AL (ready to start bawling at any possible second)
…What?

SUMEET
I am so sorry, but this lottery ticket is one year and one day old. The last day to cash it in was yesterday. I am so, so sorry.

Al stands there emotionlessly.

His head explodes.

To be continued!

xDDD Poor Al.

I have only one thing to say:

LOLOLOLOLOL.

I love it! Brilliant! Can’t wait to read more, Bryko!

LOL! That was really funny! Looking forward to seeing more!

Haha!!! That’s hilarious! It does make you feel bad for Al, though… even though he was the villain in Toy Story 2.

This was really funny I can’t wait for part 2. Al’s misfortune ftw.

That end is so great!! xDDDDD
He’s an epic fail!!

youtube.com/watch?v=KuVb8hy6ZHY

I did it first!

SIMPSONS DID IT SIMPSONS DID IT

(And by The Simpsons I mean me)

[u]Chapter 2: Al Moves In With His Mom[/u]

INT. AL’S APARTMENT

Al sits down on the couch, exhausted, in the spot that has a permanent mark from him sitting there so much. He pulls out some letters he got in the mail and begins to sift through them.

AL
Junk…

Al throws a paycheck into his incinerator.

AL
Junk…

Al throws a letter from his mom into his incinerator.

AL
Bill…gulp

Al rips the whole envelope in half and pulls out the two halves of the letter. He reads in terror.

AL (shocked)
I’m never gonna be able to pay this!!

Al looks around at his apartment. It’s pretty much a dump now; there’s junk all over the floor. After a moment, he pulls out his cell phone and speedily dials.

AL (into phone)
Mom? Clean out the basement, I’m coming back.

EXT. AL’S APARTMENT - SOMETIME LATER AT NIGHT

Al walks out of the front of the apartment complex, clumsily carrying a few suitcases. He talks to himself.

AL (confidently)
I’ll live with my mom for now, but when I find a job, I can pay the bills and everything will be okay!

Al, unable to see past the suticases in his face, barely opens the trunk of his car with his foot. He lazily throws the suitcases in, and then looks forward.

His entire car was apparently crushed by a wrecking ball.

AL (significantly less confidently)
Oh, for the love of Stinky Pete!! I’M A FAILURE!

Al weakly drops to the ground in tears. He curls up into a ball, depressed.

[b]FADE:

EXT. AL’S MOM’S HOUSE[/b]

Al pathetically crawls down the street with his bags, and finally arrives at his mom’s home. It’s a pretty small, old and beat up brick house. The grass is about 2 feet tall. Bricks are missing from the structure of the house. Al steps up to the front door and knocks.

Alla McWhiggin, Al’s mom, opens the door. She’s even shorter than Al, and has similar proportions. Her face droops in front of her hunched back.

ALLA (cliche grandma quivering voice)
Sweetie pie?

AL (baby voice)
MAMA!!

They hug and enter the house.

INT. AL’S MOM’S HOUSE

Let’s just put it this way; the house is this, plus about 50 cats.
whyy.org/cms/radiotimes/files/2010/04/hoard2.jpg

Al steps over a bunch of junk.

ALLA
Now, cupcake, you get yourself comfortable in the basement. If you happen to see any of my kitties down there, bring them back up, okay?

INT. AL’S MOM’S BASEMENT

Al throws his suitcases from the top of the stairs into the basement, barely missing a cat. Al gazes at the basement for a moment, disgusted by the mess. There is a computer and assortment of not-quite-expired cheese-themed snacks, though, which makes Al happy.

A bell starts ringing behind Al. He looks back.

ALLA
Dinner time, sweetums!

AL (gleefully)
Oh, boy!

INT. AL’S MOM’S KITCHEN

Alla sits on the ground with a paper plate, eating some bread crust (that’s all there is on the plate). Another plate lies next to her. Alla gives Al a weird look.

ALLA
Well, siddown and eat, sonny!

Al collapses to the ground (a recurring theme). He dumps everything on the plate into his mouth in 2 seconds.

AL (mouth full)
Couldn’t you have done a super special dinner to welcome your super special sonny?

ALLA
Just shut up and eat. I can’t spend all this money on me and my guests. I have 52 cats to feed!

AL
Well, alright.

ALLA
So, are you still collecting those stupid toys? N’wonder you had to move in here!!

AL (ready to start bawling at any possible second)
I don’t want to talk about it.

ALLA (increasingly annoyed)
N’wonder you don’t have a girlfriend! You never wanna talk about anything! Just throw all of those stupid toys away, they’re a waste of money!

AL (angry)
Mom, I’m not a kid anymore! Do you have to boss my life around?

ALLA
If you’re not a kid then why are you still living with your mom?!

AL
MOM!! I don’t want relationship issues between me and you! Things are bad enough already!

ALLA
Look, I’ll let you live in the basement, but until you get a job, I don’t wanna see you or your facial hair upstairs at all.

AL
Yes, mom…

INT. AL’S MOM’S BASEMENT

Al angrily stomps downstairs into the pitch-black basement. He sits down on a random pillow and begins to think.

AL (V.O.)
But when I find a job, I can pay the bills and everything will be okay!

AL (V.O.)
My life is falling apart!

ALLA (V.O.)
…N’wonder you don’t have a girlfriend!

Al quickly realizes he needs to take control of his own life. He confidently logs onto the basement computer and goes to eHarmony.com.

To be continued!

The beginning of Al’s character development. I’m not totally happy with this chapter. I made a ton of changes to it and it still feels wrong to me. Maybe a little awkward and dull. The next chapter has been a lot of fun to write so far, though. I think you guys will enjoy it a lot, even if this one is a bit lackluster.

I feel sorry for Al. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I just don’t know how that thing you posted on Twitter will fit in.

Very interesting… I laughed in the beginning but gradually felt sorry for the guy. He is an ‘unintentional villain’ in Toy Story 3, and he was really just doing his job (as a toy store operator and rare merchandise collector). I do hope he pulls out of his slump and has ‘Greaaat Success’ on eHarmony!

[u]Chapter 3: Al Gets a Date[/u]

INT. AL’S MOM’S BASEMENT

Al hunches over the desk in front of the computer, sticking his face an inch away from the screen as he types feverishly.

AL
Personal income…$0. Height…5 feet, 2 inches…description…

Al thinks to himself for a moment, then resumes typing.

AL
Unbelievably attractive toy collector. Woody’s Roundup fan. Sometimes gets bad rashes. Recently moved in with mom. No job, but searching for one. Likes cheese flavored foods. Pleasant, passionate, and patient. Perfect!

Al confidently hits the enter button.

AL
Personal picture…

[b]INT. AL’S MOM’S BASEMENT - 15 MINUTES LATER

ONSCREEN TEXT: 15 MINUTES LATER[/b]

Al is still on the computer.

AL
And…uploaded!

Al does a corny fistpump and dance in his seat. He uploaded the following image:

AL
I’m gonna be the hottest guy on eHarmony!

Al starts playing Runescape.

[b]FADE:

INT. AL’S MOM’S BASEMENT - THE NEXT MORNING[/b]

Al obnoxiously snores, his head on top of the computer keyboard, as a game of Runescape goes on. Suddenly a brick flies through the window misses Al’s cranium by 3 inches. The noise makes him spring into consciousness…

AL
WHAT THE?!

Al looks down. The brick landed directly on his foot.

AL (weakly)
Ow…Anyway…

Al logs onto eHarmony again. He has one match-up.

AL
Yippeeeee!!

Al reads the screen with excitement.

AL
Single mom looking for pleasant, passionate, and patient attractive man in the tri-county area…enjoys some cheese flavored foods…has no problem with bad rashes. YES!!

Al’s fingers start smoking as he types a response at super-speed.

INT. MILDLY LOW BUDGET RESTAURANT

Al sits alone at a candlelit table with a Woody’s Roundup clip-on tie and a fake suit t-shirt, eagerly anticipating his date. He looks around at the restaurant. It’s mildly nice but obviously not the greatest place to take someone out. Dogs Playing Poker is framed behind him. Al nervously twiddles his thumbs.

Then, his date walks up to him. It’s Andy’s mom.

JENNIFER
Is this Al McWaggin?

AL (just a little bit nervous)
McWhiggin.

JENNIFER
You look a little different in real life.

AL
Well, you know, the camera subtracts 100 pounds. awkward chuckle

JENNIFER
Uh…

She sits down uncomfortably.

JENNIFER
So…

AL
BUUUUUUUUUUUURP!! Oh gee, I’m so sorry, hyuk hyuk.

JENNIFER (awkwardness building to criminally high levels)
Alrighty then…

AL
So tell me all 'bout your personal life…

JENNIFER
Well, I have two kids, Andy and Molly. I work part time at the department store down the road…hey, you look familiar…

Al suddenly remembers the infamous yard sale.

AL (nervous)
Ermmm…must be another Al!..So, more on your personal life?

JENNIFER
Sure…anyway…about my husband. I’m really uncomfortable talking about it, but the story behind him is-

A French-looking waiter interrupts the discussion.

WAITER (obnoxious Brooklyn accent)
May I take your order?

JENNIFER
I’ll have the fromage de tete de porc with escargot.

AL
I’ll have the…chicken nuggets. (He does not mind what he just said)

WAITER
Mmmmhm…thanks, bro.

The waiter stumbles away. There’s an extremely awkward moment of silence.

AL
So…you were saying about your husband?

JENNIFER
You know what, I’d rather not talk about it.

STUDIO AUDIENCE
BOOOOOO!!!

AL
Well, okey dorky then.

Another 10 seconds of silence.

AL (impatiently)
When’s the food coming?! It’s been like 2 minutes already! GEEZ!

JENNIFER
Calm down…

AL
Alright.

Yet again, more awkwardocity.

JENNIFER
So, tell me about your life, maybe?

AL
Alright, well…honestly, I just lost my job, I live with my mom, my car is destroyed, I play Runescape, I destroyed all items of value that I owned in a mental breakdown, and I think I’m just gonna stop this sentence right around here to prevent further humiliation.

JENNIFER
Okay.

Awkward. Jennifer stares at Al for a minute, and he starts to get a little self conscious.

AL
Wh-what are you looking at me for? Was it something I said?

JENNIFER
Is that a Woody’s Roundup tie?

AL
Erm…yeahh…you like?

Al attempts to be handsome for 2 seconds.

JENNIFER
No…but my son has a couple toys from that show.

AL (suddenly resumes typical Al-ness)
He does?!?! TELL ME MORE!!!

JENNIFER
Uh…

AL (normal)
Sorry.

JENNIFER
I could let you come over and see them, or, something…(she instantly regrets this statement)

AL
DEFINITELY!! SWEET!

Al starts dancing in his chair, ignorant of how stupid he looks. Fellow patrons of the restaurant stare.

JENNIFER (embarrassed)
Al, calm down.

AL (giddy)
Sorry.

Just when you think there’s gonna be more tension, Al instantly tries to hit on Andy’s mom (I can’t believe that sentence exists).

AL
I feel like there’s a very special chemistry between us…

JENNIFER
Erm…I’m not sure about that. You know, maybe we shouldn’t…

Suddenly food comes flying at their faces.

WAITER
Your meal.

Al starts gobbling down the food without the use of standard utensils.

AL (mouth full)
So, erm, what time should I stop by tomorrow?

JENNIFER (mouth most certainly not full)
Uhhhhh…11 in the morning?

AL (mouth full)
It’s a date!

JENNIFER (anxious)
Noit’snot!

AL (mouth full)
'kay.

To be continued! (of course)

I shivered when I realized it was Andy’s mom. That’s just…wow.

This is just AMAZING. You need to write stuff more often!

This cheered me up a lot. very funny chapter but my goodness Andy’s mom?

Nice touch!

That was one of the best chapters! The thing with Andy’s mom… nice coincidence. Can’t wait to hear more!

Andy’s mom on a date with Al!?! You are a very mischievous Bryko614.

I just read chapter 2 and 3, they’re so funny! Keep up the good work!

That was hilarious!

I can’t wait to read more!

Well, you already know my thoughts on this thanks to Twitter, Bryko, it’s hilarious and such an original idea! I can’t wait to read more when it’s up.