ii - An Incredible Sequel - Need Views On Latest Story Idea

Man, this chapter is really long, so long that it is not completed yet - sorry. But don’t worry, it’s close to completion. Just one more part and a few more days, guaranteed. :wink: Till then, here is part 2 of Chapter 3. For those with FF.net accounts, Chapter 3 is updated, too. :wink:

[u][b]Chapter 3: Life - Part Two[/b][/u]
Metroville Cineplex, 7:30PM. The only ticket booth standing by the entrance of the building was filled with a long but ordered queue, a usual sight on a Friday night at the Cineplex. The movies featured that night were great, too.

One of the wide variety of films available there was a creature feature about a green, building-sized Tyrannosaurus ‘Rex who rampaged his way through cities everyday but failed to intimidate any people in his life.

Another one told the story of a brilliant scientist’s theory of relativity, a black-and-white documentary showing Alberto Agatha’s life and death during the early ‘80s.

There was even a retelling of the Supers’ beginning, their fall during the Super Relocation Program and Mr. Incredible’s triumph over Syndrome with the aid of his family of Supers – all citizenship names altered, of course.

Despite all the tempting choices given that night, the distressed couple had booked tickets for a movie of a difference choice long before their date took place; “ZARD·E,” a science fiction romance about a 113 years old cleaner robot working in a starship throughout its entire life, before it met its love interest; another robot of a more advanced technology. Neither of the mature duo found a movie of such childish elements to be appealing, of course, but a movie of romantic elements seemed appropriate for that special night, and that movie was the only one possessing such elements.

Nevertheless, they had no regrets for their choice, only for their false display of feelings. For thirty minutes, they sat side by side in awkwardness.

Violet had changed at school before their date, of course, into something more comfy. The sportswear she wore for her afternoon track-and-field club activities looked cool on her, but it was not a suitable wear for a date. Hence, she changed into a pink, cotton-filled, long-sleeved sweater reaching above her neck for additional warmth. A pair of Prussian-blue jeans might not had been the most suitable garment in matching her cute top, but it matched her style alright, and it definitely matched her soon-to-be boyfriend’s cerulean dungarees and his red number 14 Spartan jersey with the small BNL sponsor icon by the right of the front.

She showered – of course – at the school, though, meaning that she had no knowledge of the equally troubling events occurring at home…

Despite the attractive clothing they had picked beforehand, the night was still constrained by guilt and insecurity.

They had bought drinks and popcorn like most of the patrons, but the food was untouched. The movie brought warmth to others, but they felt cold – not from the chilling air but from each other – each individual wanting to throw words onto the other’s visage but couldn’t find the courage to do so.

It goes without saying that Violet had utmost fascination for Rydinger and the same could be said for Tony towards Parr. Nevertheless, Kari’s friendship meant a lot more to Violet; her obvious jealousy had made courting the jockey the least of Violet’s desires that night.

For Rydinger, however, it was a mixture of insecurity and cowardice that sealed his lips. Out of the many female classmates he had laid eyes upon, this one was special. Thus, when their first date was filled with unfriendly treatments, naturally, a boy of such humility would be cautious in his words and assumed the problem being himself.

Yet, both knew that confrontation must be made at some point if the relationship was to progress. Inhaling a deep breath, both dug deep for bravery, while hoping the next few words wouldn’t be the last.

“There’s something…” both blurted out – loudly, triggering the throwing of hushes.

Seeing that both had a matter to declare in that speech-restricting hall, the two paused in their words, but they would had continued their confessions in silence… if it was not for the building tremor quaking the theater.

At first, it was just mere harmless dust floating from above that had caught the attention of some of the audience, but then, falling pebbles bouncing off the carpeted steps drew in more attention, and the sudden explosion did its job in intimidating all, sending people climbing and dashing with screams and terror occupying the once tranquil scene.

The combustion had caused some parts of the ceiling to shatter; the debris – crashing towards Parr and Rydinger. Their eyes were glued to the ceiling since their noses were tickled by the falling dusts, but the plunging concrete was quite a shocker.

Despite their surprise, both the Super and jockey were mildly prepared for the debris. Yet, with their concern placed on each other rather than themselves, their first thought was to get their respective date away from their imminent doom.

Rydinger, being the more athletic individual, was naturally faster to react.

Before the ‘Invisible Queen’ could threw out even portions of a force-field, Tony had already thrust her onto the sticky flooring – a state resulted from the past soda spills of irresponsible kids – just in time, too, when one of the ceiling fragments crashed just inches behind their feet.

The rescued damsel in not much distress would had taken that moment of relief to savor the football jockey’s muscular torso laying above her – if it was not for the second series of collapsing detritus.

With seconds to spare, she hurriedly stretched out her left arm from underneath the moderately built quarterback in generating a force-field over them… Just in the nick of time; she prevented a broken back, or worse.

Angry and curious about the mysterious event, the couple pulled themselves – and each other – up on their sport shoes and looked to the source of the explosion. However, the hole that which was once there was then cloaked with thick clouds of fumes exhaling from the opening on the ceiling like the smoking nostrils of a raging dragon.

It was not long after, though, when a silvery shade of hue gradually darkened into a shadowy silhouette before finally, a greatly muscular humanoid tore through the tender clouds of fumes curtaining the hole. The two pairs of openings, illuminating a soft yellow glow, located across the soles of the robotic being’s equally fuming iron boots were evidently the source of those fumes. As the man – or whatever species ‘it’ belonged to – in the gleaming metallic suit leisurely descended to the ground, the projected light from the movie screen, though little in amount, was sufficient in revealing the details of his garment.

His leggings were plated with flaps of more dull-gray iron reaching up to his upper thighs, where the protruding sheets of metal ceased in overlaying each other. There, a diagonal line on each thigh cut off the bumps of steel where behind them laid a smooth plating of solid armor – under the same color, of course – reaching all the way to the warrior’s torso, leaving no underwear-outlines across the sides of his crotch.

A chest-plate seemingly assembled together with four separate parts protected his front, with two of the pentagon-shaped ones protecting the upper parts of the torso. His arms were well-shielded from any possible attacks, too, with a convex armor pieces across each of his shoulders, descending to his biceps; his lowers arms were not lightly protected, either – they were secured with heavily armored armguards plated with an additional pad of steel-coating above; naturally, his shimmering titanium-based gauntlets were no fragile items, either. To top it all off, his curvy helmet was sleek, adorned with more silvery plating at the cheeks and a pitch-black inverted-triangular visor with a round bottom that masked the center of his visage.

Like an angel, he gracefully made his descend towards a mystified Violet Parr, her pupils reflected the tremendous glow generated by the armored suit.

“Violet Parr?” a deep, heavy robotic voice abruptly boomed from somewhere around the helmet.

Instead of being gripped with fear, she expressed a look of utmost wrath and fury; she was most certainly unhappy about that interruption in her first and most important date with her beloved crush.

Inside, Tony Rydinger was obviously as afraid as Violet could had gotten at that moment, but he stood firm, waiting to pull the first girl he really liked away from danger, if needed.

“Who are you?” she firmly inserted, her eyes glaring ferociously, her fists forcefully clenched.

“Need not to know.”

The reply took Violet aback, surprising her enough to shake off her angry eyes, temporarily replacing them with two round, curious ones for few seconds. But the short moment was sufficient for the armored warrior to raise his palm at her. Within it, that same ol’ familiar soft glow once was once again generate inside a hole large enough to fill the entire palm, turning from a dull gamboge hue to a white, shining light, accompanied by that sharp noise you hear before a laser fires…

Though the device – obviously a blaster – took merely a second to recharge, it was enough for Violet’s recognition of it and to react accordingly – and in this case, with a generated force-field. Rydinger was just inches from panic, though, but he managed to keep himself stable enough to ready himself for a task of rescue. Nevertheless, before the trio was able to do anything, another occurrence lured in their attention – it lured in all’s attention.

Before the man – or beast – in the metallic suit was able to fire whatever it was across his palm at his target, a thin projectile hit the side of his hand – a long, slim claw, rather - causing a misfire to occur. His attack, a thick, white flash of laser, hit one of the linen-covered walls instead, resulting in a larger hole to be formed at the side of the theater. A parent and his son, while standing at the cinema hall holding ZARD·E merchandises, stared through the opening in confusion.

“What the…?” the still floating being remarked while rubbing his sore hand with the other.

“Put down your blasters. You wouldn’t want to hurt an innocent girl, would you,” a younger voice, not part of the crowd gathered under the broken ceiling, commented, “Spectre-san?”

The little illumination available aided the mysterious arrival in cloaking his identity, leaving only an outline of his body amidst the blanket of darkness. He seemed short, but not enough to be younger than 12.

Upon hearing the smooth voice of the theater’s latest guest, a hint of annoyance was expressed through a short snort audible from beneath the armored man’s visor, as if he was threatened. Nevertheless, he made attempts in hiding his fear by shrouding it with confidence.

“I should had known that you’d come,” the masked villain replied while making landing on the flooring, the fumes disappeared as he did, “saving damsels in distress has always been your hobby.”

“Barou,” he firmly inserted in a determined tone, “she’s innocent but not in distress, I came here to apprehend you, not rescue the independent teenager.”

Beneath the masquerading visor, the being smiled inside with utmost satisfaction; his rival was as skillful as he remembered.

“Oh, still as sharp as ever, huh… Chimera Boy?”

Upon chanting the name, it was like entering a command, the hidden savior gradually stepped out from the dark, letting the moonlight from above gently flowed across him. Slowly, partials of his appearance were revealed. His blue boots were cut off with a black right-angled triangle shape on each side of them, forming a sort of blue trapezium on the toe caps pointing to the front.

Further illumination revealed his trousers to be made of black leather instead, reaching all the way to an ordinary silvery belt with a small convex cylinder at the center – no underwear lining, either. When the light had been shined across his torso, the mysterious figure appeared to have dressed like any ordinary Super; his top consisted of a blue shirt with the large, black, block letters of ‘C’ and ‘B’ overlapping each other, filling most parts of it. The black sleeves – diagonally cutting off the blue, stretched all the way to his hands. No gloves could be found, his hands were part of the sleeves.

Finally… his face. It was angelic, but that could be due to the soft glow poured across his blue, leathery hood. Nevertheless, his smile was tender and friendly, though with a hint of pride and disregard. At a second, even, his stare had been diverted to Parr in a distracted manner. Though some parts of his visage were shadowed by the hood, sufficient lightning revealed his eyes of moderate size to be conceived under a thin piece of eye-mask. The sides of the mask stretched all the way to the sides of his hair, forming a certain smooth diagonal stripe across each side, though they were camouflaged under his hair’s equal darkness. His haircut was not pertaining to retrospect, either; his face was not flooded with hair yet it was kept short enough to leave several bundles of hair sticking out of his scalp and some bangs suspending across his forehead.

Violet helplessly blushed, two light shades of pink were obscurely displayed under the dim moonlight shine, not because she was grateful but because the hero she was grateful for turned out to be much appealing in appearance than she had expected. ‘Cute’ was the word.

“Yeah, too bad the same cannot be said for you,” the teenaged Super retorted, his head lowered as he did, though his eyes were sharply shot into those of the armored man in a denunciative manner, “Spectre-san.”

“It’s a pity…” the metallic assassin murmured, his head lowered, “up till now, you remain blinded from the just I carry out. I am merely taking out the trash of this city. My killings are utterly required.”

The eyes of the Super who had been called “Chimera Boy” followed the gestures made by the killer called “Spectre” as his insipid lies poured out. He was rather bored by the ‘Spectre’s’ performance, and, after a short moment, glad when he had paused, giving the Super his opportunity to end the wastage of that night.

“Don’t make me laugh,” he instantly retorted upon the ending of Spectre’s sentence. “Kip Kaider, currently 25 years old, born in New Jersey, an ex-convict charged for the murder of three people throughout five years.”

As the confident Super laid out the information regarding his identity, Spectre’s hidden eyes remained locked on him, he watched as the pompous child unfolded his true intentions.

“Recently, you became desperate due to the Feds closings in on your arrest. Just as two of their officers were about to take you into custody, a man in a black suit saved your life and went on in offering you a place in his underworld syndicate, which you graciously accepted out of the suitability of the conditions given. Your only orders were to take out certain people they asked you to, an act you were greatly comfortable in carrying out, in exchange for complete protection from anyone in anywhere.”

Out of satisfaction – or pure defeat – Spectre lowered his head again, hanging it in solemn. Not a word came out of him when the ‘Chimera Boy’ ended his speech, merely a short utter of ‘humph,’ displaying, not contempt, but rather, pleasure in the Super’s great skills.

“Did I miss anything, Spectre-san?”

“Very good, squirt, looks like you did your research…”

“Baka, I don’t need research to know about the notorious Kaider. As for the organization’s acceptance, that part was a guess. I thought about what a member of a mysterious organization who was once a desperate killer heavily pursued by the U.S. government’s Federal Bureau of Investigation would had done back then. Even a six year old could had figured that one out.”

At that moment, it was more than apparent that the Super had a long back-story with that armored assassin, one that Spectre, at that moment, obviously desired in ending immediately. Nevertheless, it was obvious that Spectre was in a respecting position as well, evident from his lack of intervention during the Super’s monologue.

“So? What’s it goner be?” the young Super questioned commandingly, his once gleeful eyes fainted into a grim glare. “No more hide-and-seek, or should I just end this now, Spectre?!”

The atmosphere then was tense, naturally. The crowd by the side of Spectre, a little too quiet at that moment, stared with utmost anticipation, wondering if their assailant would be apprehended or if his escape would be inevitable. Silence was among them for a while. Both hero and villain merely glanced at each other’s every tiny movement, ensuring they wouldn’t be at disadvantage if the opposite party was to attempt an ambush.

Then, suddenly, one of them broke the quiescence.

“I choose hide-and-go-seek.”

Hurriedly after his sudden comment, the Spectre raised his palm towards the still immobile Super. That time, no charging was required – the cannon fired immediately.

The spherical flash of laser was fired straight to the Super, though he stood still and no sign of panic could be perceived. It was fast, barely visible to the naked eye.

Fortunately, its result was shielded by equal amount of ‘invisibility’ as well.

Instead of vaporizing its target as it should had, an unexpected obstruction in the form of a purple wave blocked the attack, triggering a grin on the Super’s lips when he lightly tilted down his head.

“Thank you, innocent girl,” he urgently blurted out before leaping away high above the ground.

In the split second upon his ascend, his right hand stretched behind his left ear, and as he did, the nail atop his index finger literally transformed into a long and slender bistre-colored claw. Spectre was not idle, either, as, at the very same moment, he retargeted the Super, lashed out his arm above his gleaming visor, and initiated the charging of his attack once more, triggering the reappearance of that familiar gradual growing illumination.

One of their attacks had to be fired before the other.

fantastic [claps hands] when is the end of the battle going to be posted…its utterly fantastic.

Having young boys introduced into the story is always my favorite pastime…

Oh boy! Intesne! Really, really intense! You had me on the edge of my seat. Great chapter with Vi, TOny, and the action at the movies. Really well done! NOw this is what I am talking about. You keep it up! Update soon.

After all of this, I’m hoping to write a fan fic based on what I picture a series based on “The Incredibles” would be like. :wink: Hmm… we will need a good theme song.

Oh, then that would be quite an intresting thing to read.

does tony know its Violet??

TSS: Ya, writing big time movie projects all the time can get a little tiring if they are all meant to be masterpieces. I think after this, I’ll just slow it down with a series of short stories about the lives of the Parrs, but of course, it will include an epic storyline as well. I have already got so many ideas rushing through my mind. Of course, if you guys have any suggestion at all, please drop them here as it will be very helpful. :wink:

Al-Bob: Well, that you just have to wait and see. There will be very… ‘desperate’ drama going on between Tony and Violet regarding her identity. I do not want to spoil it much, but I’m pretty sure you can figure out what happens when she doesn’t tell him who she is for a long period. :wink:

Review over last Chapter;

Excitement-9/10
Characters-8.5/10
Storyline-8.5/10
Readability-8/10

Overall-8.5/10

A great chapter that will require another to fulfill the action. The characters are still developing exspecially the new character so it will take some time to get use to the new guy. The storyline and readability are good and make the story enjoyable. Will wait for next chapter…

I can’t believe I missed out on this all this time! You sure know how to capture excitement and intensity, WBoon. I’m impressed.
You want another reader/reviewer? You got it! :slight_smile:

Prologue: Excellent intro! Way to catch a reader’s attention at the very start. :astonished:

Chapter One: I smiled when I read about Mr. Kropp trying to bust Dash. It seemed like a small situation, but I liked how it had so much detail and got you into the teacher’s thoughts. Talk about “exploding the moment”, as one of my teachers once said.

Chapter Two: Nice! Really strange what’s going on with that portal. Oh, and I liked the subplot you added with Vi and Kari’s friendship and emotions, as well as your creative new side character Akai. After the previous excitement, it’s nice to settle down and read about internal conflict along the way.

Chapter Three-Part One: Amazing sideplot with the action at the beginning. And Kari and Violet’s conflict with feelings is drawing me in.

Sorry, only made it that far. You’ve got a great story there, WBoon, I can’t believe you had wanted to forget it. You’re really creative and good at this. :wink:

Al-Bob: Man, if you love this chapter, you are going to love what is coming up in the future of my fan fiction career. Just keep reading, just keep reading, reading, reading… :laughing:

bright dot-dasher: Thanks for reading. :3 Now that’s the sort of review I love - detailed and relating (as in the reviewer tries to relate with the story). I’m hoping to see more of your reviews in the future. :smiley: And, of course, I’m still working on the last part of Chapter 3. It probably won’t be too long but, you can’t rush perfection. :laughing: Love your Lilo & Stitch Halloween signature, BTW. I love the series. :wink:

Wow, looks like we got another great Incredibles fanfic writer here too! I’ve just read your prologue and all three chapters in one sitting, so here’s what I have to say:

Prologue:
Great way to begin the story with the end of the first one. I’m curious as to who the mysterious figure at the end of the chapter was…Mirage perhaps? (though she later appears in your first chapter as an ally of the Supers, so I’m clueless now)

1st Chapter:
I liked how the Incredible can now transform into an innocuous van. Helen’s too ‘straight’ to be suggesting what pranks Dash should pull…I think Bob would sound more natural at giving his kid ideas on what to put on his teacher’s seat. (Remember in the movie he was excited about how fast Dash could plant the tacks, while Mrs Incredible was less enthusiastic at encouraging this sort of behaviour?) Kropp’s plan to catch Dash red-handed is both hilarious and an animator’s dream challenge…I can just imagine his poses and actions, like Skinner’s attempts to catch Linguini and the ‘rat’.

2nd Chapter:
I liked how you made Mr Kropp self-sacrificing eventhough he despises Dash for his pranks.
I’m not sure whether Kari McKeen was in the Incredibles, but if it’s a fan creation, I certainly like her interaction with Violet and how she pines for Tony, but her love is unrequited. Akai Tanner sounds like a great fan-made character, I can tell you drew inspiration for him from those Conan comics you’ve been talking about throughout the forums. Just be sure not to make him too perfect, or he’ll end up a Mary Sue character (Google the term if you haven’t heard it before).

3rd Chapter:
The car chase was excellent, as well as Mr Incredible’s wicked one-liners, they’re awesome! As much as a car nut as I am, I had to google the car model. I agree it’s one sweet oldie! And I bet the word ‘Sin’ would have some special significance later on.
Ooh, we’ve got a love triangle here. Very complicated, Tony loving Violet, with Akai having a ‘crush’ on her too, with poor Kari in the corner! Drama, drama!
Love, love, love the Pixar cameos you’ve placed in the movies playing at the theatre! Rex’s movie was a hoot, I didn’t ‘get’ the second one, the third one featuring a retelling of the Incredible’s adventure is a brilliant parody of Hollywood’s tendency to remake ‘true stories’ in their own fashion, and the robot love comedy’s setting is the reverse of Pixar’s one (it starts on an inhabited spaceship instead of an abandoned Earth). I didn’t really get the pun on ZARD-E, though, am I missing something?
I have a feeling I know who this Chimera Boy is, I don’t quite get why they use some Japanese words in their exchange though. I also don’t really understand the viliian’s motivation for wrecking the cinema…is it because he wants to kill Violet…send a message? And why isn’t Tony unsurprised that his girlfriend can suddenly generate force fields? I’m waiting the epic fight sequence with baited breath though…it’s gonna be so exciting!

Overall, good effort. I know you have a natural flair for words, but you should use fancy words sparingly. I suggest you use them only for slower, more poignant scenes, and keep the action sequences short and punchy. Using long sentences also bogs down the reading ‘flow’ and I kind of get lost and have to reread the phrase again when it gets too ‘bombastic’. I hope you don’t take this advice too personally, but instead use it to improve your future chapters. I’m really interested to see how this plays out! :smiley:

lol Now that… THAT, is a review. :laughing: Lemme just clear up some confusions there.

First of all, the prologue. Mirage? Huh? Maybe. As for her alliance with the Parrs, I merely stated that she provided financial incomes for them - that’s all she did, nothing else.

As for Helen suggesting the pranks, actually that was to highlight the light atmosphere the Parrs have in the family now that not much problems dwell in their family. In other words, Helen is a bit more lenient with Dash now, especially with the upcoming event in the final part of Chapter Three you’ll read about later on.

Kari was in the film as Violet’s best friend, so that wasn’t a fan creation. :wink: As for Akai, you’re the first one to notice the inspiration. Nice. Don’t worry about him aligning towards perfection, though; he’s not. :wink:

The second film was actually a reference to Einstein. lol You actually have to be a very avid Detective Conan fan to understand the reason I put that there.

As for ZARD-E, well, ZARD is actually a famous pop group in which a singer I know of who sang many Detective Conan songs, Izumi Sakai, was from. Unfortunately, she met her end due to a cancer she’s been fighting for quite a while, so I paid a tribute to her here.

As for the use of Japanese, well, that merely means that he was of the Japanese race. As you can see from Spectre’s conversation with Chimera, Chimera’s the only Japanese speaking Super among the two.

Spectre’s dramatic entrance by putting a hole in the ceiling… well, when I first put that in, it was merely for dramatic effects, because it wouldn’t be very cool if he just enters the theater and taps Violet on the shoulder asking if she is who he thought she was. But if you want to go story-wise, you have to see the reason for that hole in the final part later. As for the other hole in the wall, that was an accident when Chimera Boy shot an attack at his hand. :wink:

Also, the Rydinger matter, I guess that’s a little vague. See, I had Tony facing downwards when he plunged downwards towards Violet to get her out of the way of the falling debris. Thus, when Violet stretched out her arm behind Tony… well, you get the idea. :wink:

Last but not least, I was afraid that too little ‘fancy’ words would not make the story look professional, so it kinda became a habit of mine. Nevertheless, I’ll try and cut them short in the future. :wink:

Well, thanks for the review, though, thedriveintheatre. I know there are a lot of plot holes in there, but am trying my best, so I hope it’s not too crappy. :blush: Thanks again, and you guys should learn from him and bright dot-dasher in making great reviews such as these. :stuck_out_tongue:

November Update:
What a long wait, huh? But, unfortunately, the chapter is not up, yet. :laughing: Sorry, but this one is exhausting, I can tell you. The story lines depicted here are extremely difficult to manage, and it’s probably drawn me of all my energy - I can put it at that.

No worries, though. At most, I just need another day or two. I’m almost reaching completion, but I just need to ensure that you, my faithful readers, would just put in your patience a little longer. I assure you that you would not be disappointed - this is the motherload chapter to die for. :laughing:

So, let’s do some recap first:
Violet and Tony went to the movies as initiated at the end of the movie. The former was attacked by some unknown character who seemingly goes by the name of “Spectre.” A new Super who seemed to be his arch nemesis came after him and made a really long speech inclusive of some Japanese words for unknown reasons. What happens next would predictably be the conclusion to the fight scene involving the hero and the villain.

But of course, there is always a twist. :laughing: Always. :smiley:

So, be sure to watch this thread for the next few days. I will try and rush this up (while providing quality, this time) as fast as I am humanly capable of. Thanks for being so supportive all this time, especially my two favorite readers, Al-Bob and The Star Swordsman (bright dot-dasher and thedriveintheater provided great reviews, but the former two were my most loyal reviewers so far :stuck_out_tongue: ). Thank you and peace out.

~ WBoon :sunglasses:

Take your time, wboon. I know how it feels like to start a fanfic and having to see it through its completion. Can’t wait to see the conclusion of the fight and what the twist is.

This could be coincidence, but were you going for a crossover with Quantum of Solace? I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I know it was bases on Ian Fleming’s story of the same name and in his version, the secret terrorist organisation is also called Spectre (in the film it’s called Quantum).

What, three paragraphs of comments with reviews for each chapter, not enough for you? And you haven’t even returned the favour for my fanfic. :stuck_out_tongue: Wahlau, I serious reader also okay, dun pray pray:wink: (Alright, sorry, I’ll cut the Singlish)

Sounds like fun.

xD C’mon lah, thedriveintheater; no need to get jealous der mah. xD

But seriously, you are one heck of a reviewer, I’ll give you that - but The Star Swordsman and Al-Bob have been sticking to this fan fic way before the two better reviewers arrived, so you’ll have to follow this thread for the amount of time they had stuck to it before you could be considered as, “loyal reviewers.” :sunglasses: But as I said, you (and BDD) are one heck of a reviewer, so props go to you. :wink:

And yeah, glad someone noticed the reference. It’s not exactly a crossover; I just thought of using it as a cameo of some sort. If I was to name this mysterious organization as “SPECTRE,” however, that would be a crossover.

I thought the original acronym given in the novel was “SMERSH?” Also…

Ian Fleming was a great writer - I’m ten thousand (and one) miles away from reaching his league. :stuck_out_tongue:

Phew! Finally finished. Now, before you read, just know that I tried my best to keep the ending as ‘real’ as I’m capable of, so that you wouldn’t feel that it’s shallow in any manner. However, it still does have the tendency to make you feel that way, so, shoot me if it’s so - I tried my best. :stuck_out_tongue:

Here’s the fanfiction.net link:
fanfiction.net/s/4120425/4/i … les_Sequel
(I added a second horizontal rule to the chapter so that you could read from the part I stopped from)

And of course, the textual story itself for convenience sake.

[u][b]Chapter 3: Life - Part Three[/b][/u]
‘Ptch!’ an attack was fired, its weightless body speeding into its target – Spectre’s cannon blaster.

‘Wham!’ the fine-edged lethal projectile stabbed through his palm, causing him to divert his hand onto the floor and cry out in agony beneath his mask. Sparks of static electricity swirled around his arm even after his removal of the claw that which struck him, indicating damage to the system of his suit. Focusing on ceasing the electricity’s flow across his arm, Spectre failed to recall an important aspect of his situation – his enemy.

A second after his attack, Chimera Boy landed gracefully in front of his target, only to hurriedly lash out a tail never before noticed by anyone in the theater, not even the female Super remaining in invisibility.

While cloaked, Violet Parr rubbed her unseen eyelids upon perceiving the unbelievable sight – the appendage was growing out of the Super’s behind in the flash of an eye. Even more incredible was the club ball forming at the tail’s end in an equally short amount of time, if not shorter.

Immediately, without a pause, Chimera Boy swung his tail across Spectre’s ankles, causing his fall. ‘Clang!’ the metallic man went, his iron plating clashing against the concrete floor. Before the fallen villain was able to make any other movement, the young Super coiled his muscular tail round his armor suit, finally trapping the long wanted criminal.

“You’re not going anywhere, Spectre-san,” Chimera Boy remarked as he watched the villain squirmed and wiggled within his wrap. “You best prepare to pay up for all the treachery you’ve dealt onto your victims!”

It seemed like victory, it really did. Yet, the murderous criminal let out a series of little laughter, even in his current tight situation.

“Well, then,” he began, his head lifted up towards Chimera, “I best turn over my true self to you, then, little Super.”

‘True self…?!’ the tailed Super thought to himself, realizing the trap laid out by his enemy only when...

‘Pooffeezzzeee…’ two streams of air jetted out from Spectre’s sides.

His body was seemingly inflated till it was a mere sheet of plastic before it gracefully descended above his apprehender’s tail as the gas was rapidly leaked. Though the Chimera Boy had a strong grip on the fake dummy, it easily slipped out from between his coil, too fast for the Super to get another grip at it before its immediate ascend towards the only opening made across the ceiling. Two dots of light could be seen from a hovering helicopter above, where the high-technology dummy was seemingly reeled into. By the chopper’s opened door, the illumination just managed to outline the familiar figure of Spectre. Holding onto the side of the transportation, the villain’s real self proudly grinned within his visor. Though he was unable to eliminate his target as he was ordered, he was able to live to return another day, not to mention proving the reign of his trickery over his desperate rival’s mediocre intelligence.

“Darn it!” the Super below cursed, his fist slammed against the flooring, leaving a large crack across it.

It was only natural that he was fumed by the villain’s escape – the villain he had pursued since the very dawn of his career. Nevertheless, given a moment of few seconds, he rise up from his left knee, inhaled calmly and rested his tempered soul for then.

“Sorry he got away from you,” piped out a then visible Invisigirl in her usual crimson costume as she sympathetically stepped towards the Super of equal, if not higher intelligence.

She was definitely impressed by his excellent fighting skill, but more by his amazing intellect that she could finally relate to. At that moment, it appeared as if nothing else was of importance to her…

Though her first words given to him reminded the male Super of his disappointing attempt in capturing the villain, he did not dwell upon the matter, as indicated by the reappearance of his confident grin, much to Violet’s curiosity.

“That is alright,” he replied under a certain foreign accent, “he shall make his return again, and when he does, I will definitely catch him.”

His tone was firm; his turned eyes that gazed once more at the villain’s method of exit were blazing with ferocity. It was evident that his rage had not been completely ceased.

“It seems like you know an awful lot about him,” Invisigirl inserted her second comment.

“Yeah,” her male Super counterpart replied whilst turning around towards her with his eyes kept confidently shut for a moment. “I have been chasing Spectre since some months ago, and fortunately, his murderous activities were constantly interrupted by me since then.”

Losing his cool attitude, he friendlily stepped towards the Super of somewhat equal skills and stretched forth his hand towards her.

“The name is Chimera Boy, as you might have heard from the rude intruder of your night.”

Upon his charming introduction, that light tone of pink reappeared across her cheeks. She attempted to hide her modesty towards him and stood her ground. She tried to raise her hand as steadily and, fortunately, was able to pull it off.

“Invisigirl,” she politely stated, her leathery gloved palm grabbed his of a similar material.

“Thanks for the aid back there; you were quite good with that force field of yours.”

“You were not too bad with… erm, that ‘regrowable’ tail you have.”

Invisigirl halted in her words. She was, naturally, quite awkward, scratching her cheek as she wondered if the proper term was used. Rather than openly chuckling at her mistake, however, the young Chimera merely gave a short snuff that was barely noticeable.

“Actually, it is due to my biological manipulation power,” he lightly informed, before being diverted away by the building murmuring from the spectating crowd, including Rydinger who began to wonder about Violet’s whereabouts.

“I guess we best be going,” Chimera Boy remarked, rather having not attract the excessive attention.

The Super who had yet to end her date could not helped agreeing, especially after noticing Tony’s eminent realization of her disappearance. She indicated her unanimity with a light nod, before hurriedly began her disperse from the view of the grateful but zealous crowd.

“Need a ride?” Chimera Boy piped up before she was able to distance herself far away, two wings were abruptly grown out of his back after amazingly sliding through his costume.

Invisigirl had missed the intangibility of his latest appendages, but she was indeed further impressed by the Super’s ability of flight. With a light smile, she nodded lightly and rode on as both Supers exit from the roaring audience. The overlooking crowd watching below applauded excitedly as they displayed their satisfaction towards the great entertainment put up that night at the Metroville Cineplex.

One of them, however, was quickly gaining the disappointing feeling of being stood up.

“Hey.” blurted a voice from the side, catching the attention of a frowning Rydinger.

Seeing his date’s return, however, he removed the grimness from his face and reinserted his familiar cheerful smile, though he could not help wondering about her previous whereabouts.

“Sorry I just disappeared like that;” she delightfully inserted, her right palm rubbing the back of her glimmering hair, “I had to take a leak for a sec.”

“That’s alright,” he warmly replied, his mind almost forgetting about the trivial issue.

To Rydinger, he would not had minded if she had been absent for a day, at least they had finally converse friendlily with each other as he had desperately desired to. Seemingly, Violet was satisfied by that precious moment as well. Nevertheless, as the gentle stream of lunar slowly seeped away from the dispersed crowd, the sands of time had nearly reached the end of its flow as the night quickly crept past that wonderful moment.

“Oh gosh, look at the time!” Parr interrupted the delightful moment upon a glance at her watch.

9:30 PM. Not significantly late, but the time was on the rush.

“Oh, god,” Rydinger nervously replied after perceiving his watch as well, “c’mon, I gotta take you home now.”

As the couple gradually stepped alongside the flooding crowd, they held each other’s hands firmly yet with little strength and with the burning passion of love. They secretly peeked at each other between some moments, but they would hurriedly revert their head to its original position with the all so familiar pink blush experienced too many a time that night. Still walking amidst the pushing people, something else sucked their attention into oblivion – the silvery round moon hanging above the twilight sky. They were still walking, of course, but at that moment, all was quiet for them as they felt their heart connected upon the contact their eyes made towards the wondrous sight.

No movie could had made that night any more special than that simple sight of the silver moon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So, I had fun tonight,” commented the male member of the blushing couple standing before 42 St. Newman Road in the quiet night of Metroville City.

“And I had fun, too,” the female of the pair inserted firmly and gradually, as if to ensure the comprehension of her message.

“Sorry that the date didn’t go very smoothly,” Tony Rydinger apologized shyly while his slender yet tawny hand rubbed the back of his lowered slim head, an apologetic and sincere expression hung across his visage the whole time.

“It’s alright,” Violet Parr smiled cheerfully with optimism, “I’m not really a big fan of this Pixel production anyway.”

A short moment of light chuckles followed.

The mood seemed delightful at that moment. If given a choice, they probably would had continued the conversation outside her house till the return of light. Nevertheless, no good things last forever.

“So, what was it that you wanted to say to me just now?”

‘[i]Drat,[/i]’ she thought. Three seconds ago, the atmosphere was still delightful. Of course, she wanted to tell him about the reason for her sudden coldness back at the theater in the first place, but the question was popped at a very unsuitable time, interrupting their moment. Regardless, she wanted to let him know, as she felt it was only appropriate if he understands. However, it was getting late, and the conversation might take up quite an amount of time.

“Another time,” she answered apologetically, her eyes shrunk in size as she spoke, “I gotta go…”

Maybe it was due to the lateness of the night for her to shy away as such, but the same ol’ familiar feeling was peeking its awful tip into her life once more; that distasteful feeling of insecurity.

She did not even bother to question about his unfinished sentence. She merely shied away from his stressful presence, turning around and stepping towards her front door, hoping that he would just disappear for now as she had hoped her undesirable feeling would forever. It was much contrary as to his thoughts of worry.

“Violet, wait.”

Tony hurriedly grabbed her arm just a split second after she took her first step. It was a light grip, but to Violet, that slight restriction of movement dealt to her heart was smothering with intense pressure.

“Please. I have to go.”

Again; firm and gradual, with the sentence broken up by a pause in between, with the exception of a grimmer tone.

“Right…” he lightly replied, his palm slowly slipped away from her sleeve with equal gentleness. “I’m sorry.”

It was unfair to him, she knew, but love holds no room for sympathy and, at then, her choking heart held almost not much for it, too.

Almost.

“Tony, stop…” she blurted out softly almost immediately after he turned away, much to his dismay, apparently.

“Nah, I shouldn’t continue distur…”

“You should.”

“I better leave…”

“No, stop, please. Just give me a minu…”

“I gotta go…”

It was apparent that she had no chance of stopping the hurt jockey from leaving her for the night, possibly even forever…

Frightened by the thought, she displayed the same urgency, grabbing him by the shoulder and spun him around.

“No, please, I gotta…”

Once again, he never got to finish his sentence, but this time, it was not the disturbance of hushes or replies that ceased his speech. His lips were sealed, literally, blocked from air consumption and speech creation.

It was her first kiss.

It was a rather short one – compared to others – but on its own, it was definitely long enough to capture the burning passion. As their milky lips part, there was the obvious existence of a blush on both faces, though she managed to keep her cool and merely gave a little smirk rather than a full blown smile fully exposing shyness as most participants of first kisses had, including the slim football jockey here.

“I… er…” Tony rubbed his neck the usual manner once more, his eyes running over all directions with the exception of her direction.

“Look,” Violet firmly inserted while grabbing his chin and turning his face onto hers in ensuring his attention, “it’s a trying period, and I need you to hang on with me.”

Her faint smile had faded into a serious look, and upon seeing that, his did as well.

“I… [i]want[/i] you to hang on with me…”

As she attempted to make out her words, her head was lowered with sorrow, her hair flooding her face as it once did.

He was unhappy to see that, of course, but he was touched, too, upon realizing her true feelings for him.

Tenderly, he brushed through her silk strands of glistening hair to the back of her head, lifting her face as he did.

“I will.”

With that, it ended with an affectionate hug, both not wanting to let go of each other; both afraid of letting go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just barely a yard away, the suburban home laid solemnly in silence. A mist of darkness seemed to have engulfed it throughout the young Super’s delightful outing. Only the clanking of colliding keys disturbed the night then, followed by the rude awakening generated by the rough edges of one key sawing through the narrow space of a keyhole.

She twisted the metallic tool with little strength for a few rounds. The lock was still in somewhat of a good condition, apparently even after the long usage of three years. The door had little disturbances, too, save the one creak made throughout its swing above the floorboards.

That one noise, however, seemed to have triggered something more… sinister.

“Where’ve you been?” a voice in the dark piped out all of the sudden.

Violet, upon lightly clicking the ochre-colored door behind her, spent barely a second to make out her questioner whose appearance she was all too familiar with. The grim tone of the voice shook Violet a little, but she assumed that person would relate.

“Sorry, mum, my date took longer than I had expected.”

She tried to lighten the conversation with a little smile. It worked – sort of. The middle aged woman could be seen lowering her head, displaying somewhat of a smile within the dark; but she could easily see that it was one made out of force.

By then, Violet realized something was seriously wrong.

“So you had fun?” Helen questioned, her head was raised again as she asked, and her arms were folded against her pink, cottony bathrobe tied to her body by a strap.

“Yeah, I did…” she answered with care, as if she was defusing an armed bomb. “Mum, is something wrong?”

As if succumbing to a greater power, the obviously stressed woman whose smile had faded exhaled a heavy sigh while pinching the upper part of her nose in between her tightly shut eyes.

“It’s your brother…”

Violet’s eyes widened in fear, her jaws parted gradually as if to retrieve that breath taken away upon hearing those words.

“Wh… what happened to Dash?”

“Now, Violet, listen…”

“What happened, mum?”

Another sigh. She hoped that it was the right choice to inform her daughter of this, but she figured that, with her intelligence, she would had found out anyway.

In normal circumstances, Violet would had guessed that he got into some sort of trouble again, but no; this time was different. The grim atmosphere had chilled her heart the moment her mother spoke, giving her a sort of spine-chilling feeling.

“He…”

She paused for a moment, her helpless eyes staring into Violet’s, all the while hoping her precious daughter would not take it the way she had anticipated.

“He just met into some trouble at school, that’s all, honey.”

Though she could tell that her mother was being honest, something else was amiss. Faint noises of sobbing spread through the house. It was seemingly coming from the brightly lilted living room, just some steps away.

“What’s that, mum?” she asked, her heart accelerated as she made her way behind Helen, who made attempts in ceasing her movement – to no avail.

“Honey, wait…”

It was too late, but she probably could not restrain her at all in the first place.

And there he was. Buried deep in Robert ‘Bob’ Parr’s baggy pants were the eyes of her brother, Dashiell ‘Robert’ Parr. Faint noises of sobbing could be heard from underneath his face.

“What happened, mum? Tell me!” Violet forcefully inserted upon turning towards her mum, trickles of tears began to flow around the corners of her eyes. “Tell me… please.”

It would be the first time she cried – as far as to her knowledge anyway.

“Oh, honey,” Helen replied almost instantly, her heart filled with panic and regret, her gentle arms wrapped around Violet as she hug her daughter with the equal intensity and affection she shared with Rydinger, “Dash is okay, he’s alright!”

She went on to remove her buried head from Violet’s shoulder and gaze into her blue, crystal eyes glimmering under the light dim of the streaming moonlight, but could only do so for a second before Violet lowered her head in sorrow, her tear drops crashing onto the rubbery surface of the flooring.

Having to witness the entire episode, Bob gave a little nod towards Helen, as if signaling her to get their daughter out of the tragic sight.

“Honey,” Helen continued under a softer tone upon reentering the kitchen, her hand went forth in lightly pushing up Violet’s curvy chin, thus lifting her head, “it’s alright. Dash didn’t suffer any injuries; he was barely touched.”

“But… he’s crying so… miserably,” Violet commented, her voice and her head were lowered upon reaching the final word of her sentence.

“It’s his teacher, honey.”

Violet looked up, her face expressing utter confusion.

“Dash’s teacher sacrificed himself to save him, so Dash was… consumed with guilt…”

That struck Violet straight in the heart. The way she saw it, she was out enjoying herself while her family was in peril. The guilt train was moved on to her as she silently turned around, towards the mournful living room.

“Honey,” Helen called out as she lifted her arm towards a distancing Violet who was gradually stepping away, “it’s… alright…”

Her attempts in comforting her daughter were of no avail. All she could do was to achingly watch her daughter’s gradual steps made towards her tearing son. Though Helen herself was a strong individual, upon witnessing the anguished scene she had no super powers in interfering, she could not help accompanying her children’s weeping, too. Her mouth was lidded by her hand to hide her whimpering, though it did little to hide her tears.

“It’s all my fault, daddy… He… he protected me…” Dash repetitively chanted the line, only to be replied with Bob’s hushes as he gently tapped above his head with minimum strength.

Finally arriving by the side of her brother, Violet laid gently beside Dash, her arms laid across his back, her face buried in his shoulder as he had buried his in Bob’s thigh and as Helen had once buried hers in her shoulder.

“It’s okay, Dash,” she remarked, her hand repetitively tapping Dash’s back as she spoke, “it’s okay.”

After seeing the sorrowful state of his family, even the invulnerable Super broke into tears, too, though it involved more of sniveling rather than full blown crying. He smooched both heads lightly, somehow hoping it would ease their tears, though it only caused them to cry harder. While placing his arms around his children, he ensured that no strength of his was generated, allowing his large, hefty arms to act merely as tools of comfort.

“It’s alright, kids, it’s alright…”

Throughout the depressing night, the symphony of tears played on. It was indeed a tearful day for these Supers. Though the source of their tears was rather trivial, especially considering Mr. Kropp’s distance relationship with the family, powerful emotions were generated from his brave sacrifice.

It was a grim night for the Parrs, but it was the beginning of sorrows yet to come for the Supers…

oh, man. That chapter had me…i could feel the emotion of the situations come out of the pages and into my heart. It was well written Wboon…

Review-10/10

I really enjoyed the Violet/Tony relationship you got going. It was something really special and you portrayed that really well. Reading that made me really happy that Violet has got a boyfriend like Tony.

The kiss was passionate. I am really impressed on how well you portrayed Tony Rydinger. He seems to be a pretty understanding and a sweet guy for Violet. And did I say the kiss was passionate? Really well done.

The last part of this chapter was pretty nice. While reading it, my heart started racing (like Violet’s). THis is a good sign, meaning you had got me really, really excited and anxious of what would come next. I felt that everyone sobbing in the end might’ve been a little too much, but that is just one little tidbit that I found that could use some work.

Overall, a very enjoyable chapter. I loved reading it. I can’t wait to read more.

:open_mouth: That’s the first time I’ve seen Al-Bob give a perfect score…

Anyway, great work once again. Vocab and grammar is impeccable, and you posted the story pretty fast after your update.

It’s a shame that Spectre got away… I think we’ll see more of Chimera Boy. I loved the unexpected smooch between Violet and Tony…that was epic. The ending with the whole family sobbing over Dash’s teacher was a bit melodramatic…but I can understand how Dash feels. I don’t really think Mr Kropp’s gone for good though, maybe one of them will attempt a Jack Sparrow rescue. I still don’t get what the warphole has to do with the plot though, but I guess we’ll find out.

I cannot remember any specific examples, but I like your subtle touches of humour and the narrator’s ‘voice’ throughout.

Only criticism I had was that you could use less of the word ‘inserted’ as a replacement for ‘said’. There are a lot more synonyms that could be used as substitutes like 'interjected, ‘ventured’, ‘enquired’, ‘mentioned’… or depending on the mood, ‘yelled’, ‘whispered’, ‘grunted’, etc.

Keep up the good work, and I can’t wait to see what tragedy will befall the Parrs next… :slight_smile:

Oh, you have no idea, my friend, you have no idea. :stuck_out_tongue:

As had I. I think he barely read through the whole thing before rating, though. :stuck_out_tongue: His post came up merely 15 to 20 minutes after I posted…

Yeah, I was afraid many are going to say that but, it was really difficult for me to pull through that one because of the intended atmosphere I was going for - grim and sorrow. Originally, I intended for Bob not to cry along, but somehow, I wanted to show his softer side rather than being a rugged barbarian he appears to be. Helen cried, too, because she felt that she wasn’t doing much to help the kids (Bob actually cried for similar reasons, too). The kids cried for obvious reasons, with Violet crying due to her guilt.

And er, you don’t need to give me that speech about how you’re not trying to force me into changing the story. :stuck_out_tongue: I know, but I’m just explaining to you why I wrote my story in that manner so that you don’t think it’s a last minute rush kinda thing.

Yeah, about that… See, when I’m writing under a serious mood (like, ‘I’m-trying-not-to-procrastinate’ serious), I tend to miss out on the number of words I have used and usually don’t really care about it, unfortunately. Given my poor vocabulary, it makes it even harder (thus, I oftenly checks out thesaurus.com which led to your ‘fancy words’ issue… :stuck_out_tongue: ). But, I’ll try my best to use a more variety of words in the future, and thanks for your suggestions of words. It helps. :wink:

Oh, I most definitely will. :stuck_out_tongue: