I can tell this is going to be great! I really enjoy the format of a screenplay as opposed to a story-like format. Can’t wait for more! Any kind of timeline yet for future chapters?
Wow, already a couple of comments. Thanks guys. ![]()
Rayhawk: Not sure. I already have more than 3/4ths of it done, so it’s just a matter of spreading it out. I might post Part 1 tonight or early in the morning tomorrow, though. Maybe one chapter a day, or I could spread it out more.
And as a reminder, if you don’t want to know anything about what’s going to happen, don’t read the original version, as the first half of this is the original version with a bunch of minor tweaks. Also feel free to add some input or recommendations for anything you want to happen or change, as if it makes sense (in the context of the story, that is; none of it makes literal sense) I might be able to make a few changes.
By the way, this is all satirical. I’m pretty rough on Dreamworks in the story, but it’s mostly as a joke. So if you happen to like them then don’t be offended. ![]()
Alright! Thanks for the update Bryko614! I’m officially excited to read this in its entirety! I think I’ll get started on my fanfic!
I read ur other version but I can tell this is gonna be great.
Yay! You’re gonna continue it, I loved the other version!
Ok start. The old one did have some plot holes though, like Syndrome’s appearance even though he died. But the old one was good, so keep up the gewd work.
Yeah, I’ve already got that explained in the revised version. ![]()
Nice work! I love it (especially the screenplay format)! I want to read more!
Nice work so far, Bryko! ![]()
I loved your old one, and was wondering when you were gonna get it updated.
I like the whole idea of two animation studios (one I love, one I hate) coming together in one story and creating some action!
Can’t wait to read the rest
Your intro was awesome.
Here’s Part 1. Part 2 will be up sometime tomorrow afternoon.
[u]Part 1: Confrontation in Andy’s Room[/u]
[b]FADE IN:
INT. ANDY’S ROOM, NIGHT[/b]
Andy (about 10 years old) rests peacefully in the night. The moonlight shines through the window. The toys rest on the floor as well. Not a sound is heard.
[b]CUT TO:
EXT. MONSTER CITY, NIGHT[/b]
Highly dramatic music starts playing suddenly as Mike and Sulley dash through the alleys of the city.
SULLEY
Come on, we gotta hurry! There’s not much time left!
MIKE
Sorry that I’m not as athletically inclined as you.
Mike trails behind Sulley.
SULLEY
Come on already!
Police sirens are heard in the background. Mike has an idea; he tucks his limbs close together and starts rolling like a ball. He catches up to Sulley. They fly toward the camera.
[b]CUT TO:
INT. ANDY’S ROOM, NIGHT[/b]
Extremely dramatic music continues playing as Andy sleeps.
[b]CUT TO:
INT. MONSTERS, INC. DOOR ROOM, NIGHT[/b]
The music gets incredibly seriously dramatic and frantic. They dart towards one of the door machines.
MIKE
Hurry! Our lives depend on this!
Sulley punches in a code on the machine and a door comes down.
MIKE
Get in!
Sulley slowly creaks open the door.
INT. ANDY’S ROOM, NIGHT
The music gets really quiet and tense. Sulley glares at Andy for a moment, then tiptoes forward. He slowly, quietly, dramatically reaches down, and grabs a dollar on the floor. Woody glares at him.
MIKE (Obnoxiously screaming)
DID YOU GET IT?!?!?!?!!? HURRY UP THE MOVIE STARTS IN 10 MINUTES!!!
Andy wakes up screaming for his life.
ANDY
MONSTERS!!!
SULLEY
No, no, I’m just picking up my dollar.
Andy’s mom bursts into the room with a massive bazooka and face paint on. She quickly switches the light on. It practically blinds Sulley. Andy’s mom takes advantage of this weak moment and fires a rocket at Sulley. It misses Sulley by just an inch, but pierces through his dollar. The rocket goes flying through the door and explodes on Mike.
MIKE (Out of shot)
OW!!!
Sulley does a Matrix move and knocks the bazooka out of Andy’s mom’s grip. He throws it through the closet door and it hits Mike.
MIKE (Out of shot)
OW!!!
Andy, in complete terror, manages to grab the phone beside his bed and call 9-1-1. Andy’s mom glares at Sulley.
ANDY’S MOM
What are you and what do you want with my son?
SULLEY
I can’t tell you.
ANDY’S MOM
TALK!!! I’ve still got another rocket in this thing.
Sulley pulls out some sunglasses, puts them on for 2 seconds, then dramatically takes them off.
SULLEY (Cool Will Smith style)
I work for a top secret organization and my reasons should be irrelevant. What’s important is that you eliminate any recollections of tonight’s events.
Andy’s mom glares behind Sulley into the closet. She sees the deserted door room.
ANDY’S MOM
What in the…
Suddenly, the police dart into the room from the windows, shattering glass all over the floor. One shard gets caught in Woody’s holster. It turns out that the police men are the ones from The Incredibles.
POLICE MAN #1
POLICE OFFICERS!!!
Sulley, now at gunpoint, puts his hands up. As the officers inch towards Sulley, he steps back. The officers push him into the closet and find themselves in the monster world.
POLICE MAN #2
Wh…what is this?
MIKE
HUMANS!!!
Mike runs away screaming and flailing his arms. The camera follows him as he pushes the emergency button in the corner of the door room. The CDA bust in through the windows instantly and nuke the door room with anti-human chemicals. The police men lose their will to live, and the CDA takes them away.
MIKE
Well, that was interesting.
SULLEY
I’m probably gonna get fired all 'cause of your stupid dollar.
MIKE
And we missed the movie!
Andy and his mom watch in shock and terror from the door.
A miniature montage begins.
INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL
Andy is thrown into the hospital and put into a straitjacket after the night’s events. The camera pulls back out of the entrance to the hospital.
EXT. MENTAL HOSPITAL
Andy’s mom tries to explain the night’s events, but the police just think she’s nuts.
INT. ANDY’S ROOM
Andy’s toys look at the closet door. Woody pulls out the glass shard in his holster and stares at it for a moment, just as confused as Andy was.
A miniature montage ends.
–End–
So, the biggest thing I did was add the beginning quick cuts to make a bigger buildup to what would be a disappointingly lame scene. I also added the scene of Andy’s mom talking to Sulley just to make things slow down for a moment and increase the idea for Andy and his mom that there’s a bigger picture here. Other than that, mostly minor changes, writing/tense improvements, etc. Once again, this isn’t supposed to make a lot of sense. Hence why there will be tons of breaking the fourth wall in this.
That was pretty cool
, but where’s the original story that everyone keeps referring to? ![]()
Please continue before I explode from the awesomeness!
Very cool first part!! I’ll read p2 tomorrow, probably five minutes after you post it. I think this is well written, and I like your of script-building and writing.
Ditto!
Finally! The first chapter is up and all I can say is “:lol:” ! I can tell this is going to be great. I mean, Andy’s mom with a bazooka? Couldn’t get better than that! Can’t wait for the next chapter and to see how the Dreamworks characters are incorporated into the story!
Sorry guys, but I can’t post the new chapter today. I don’t have time to format it for BB code. I’ll post it early in the morning. From now on all new chapters will be posted in the early morning (for the US).
For those asking, here’s the original version. If you want the humor to be totally fresh then don’t read it.
[u]Part 2 - Attack of the Underminer[/u]
[b]FADE:
EXT. CITY STREET[/b]
The Parr family is happily walking away from the track meet with Dash’s second place trophy, as seen in The Incredibles.
HELEN
Dash, I’m so proud of you.
DASH
I didn’t know what the heck you wanted me to do.
Crashing and screaming is heard. The Underminer rises from the ground.
UNDERMINER
Behold the Underminer! I am always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon all will tremble before me!
The Incredibles prepare for battle. (This is where The Incredibles ended.) But then, thousands of bugs start crawling out from the ground.
UNDERMINER
You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you? I brought along some little friends!
The bugs are from A Bug’s Life, and Flik is leading them.
FLIK
I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon all will tremble before the Underminer! And Flik!
BOB
But…why?
FLIK
Nobody ever pays attention to me! I’m just an ant! It’s about time I got some recognition, so I’m teaming up with The Underminer.
VIOLET
Cool. (This is her only line in the whole story)
All of the bugs crawl onto the Parr family. The family can’t stop their combined force, and they all weakly collapse onto the ground.
BOB
Oh, the humanity!
In the darkness beneath the bugs, there is a sudden blast of light. The bugs vaporize and the family stands up to see what’s going on. Syndrome from The Incredibles swoops in with a laser, saving their lives. He lands in front of the Parr family and stands proudly.
SYNDROME
I have become a better person!
BOB
You’ve got to be kidding me. How did you escape the wind turbine?
SYNDROME
I used my super cool jet pack to rocket my way out of the thing just in time, and then I quickly fled from the scene and rethought my life. It was a real close shave, but I forgive you! (Exposition!)
BOB
Give me a break.
The Incredibles beat up Syndrome, leaving him betrayed yet again. The Underminer steps forward.
THE UNDERMINER
Bugs…attack!
The bugs consume the Parr family (not in a literal sense ) and pull their weak bodies away.
A cliche spinning newspaper shot comes up with the headlines “INCREDIBLES SAVE THE WORLD AGAIN!” “EVIL BUGS BEGIN TO CONSUME CITY!” “WHERE ARE YOU MR. INCREDIBLE?!”.
Various shots of bugs eating the buildings of the city. Frozone slides on his ice and tries to freeze the bugs. It’s hopeless. The bugs begin to consume city hall.
MAYOR (desperately)
Where are the Incredibles?!
[b]CUT TO:
INT. UNDERGROUND LAIR[/b]
The Incredibles are locked in a prison in The Underminer’s secret lair. The whole place is made of dirt. The Underminer clearly has too much time on his hands if he built this place.
UNDERMINER
You weaklings! I will now suck the superpowers out of you and give them to…ME!!!
BOB
NO!
The Underminer pulls a lever and an energy beam fires at the Incredibles family (except for Jack Jack).
ALL (except Jack Jack)
ARUGOEHOAAAAAA!!!
The family lies weak and powerless on the floor (this is normal for Jack Jack). The machine takes in their energy and power. However, the machine begins to make unusual noises. It rumbles and shakes, and the entire room begins to crumble apart.
UNDERMINER
What now? I thought Katzenberg fixed this thing.
The machine misfires the super power signal which was supposed to be shot at The Underminer out of the window. Mirrors conveniently send it above-ground and headed in a highly calculated direction.
[b]PAN:
INT. LA RATATOUILLE[/b]
Late at night in Paris, France, Remy the rat is busy cooking his newest meal. The whole kitchen is a complete mess, as if nobody cares anymore. Utensils all over the place. Customers can be heard complaining. As Remy finishes the dish, he takes a moment to gaze out the window into the night sky. Suddenly, a super power signal energy beam comes through the window and zaps Remy. He begins to morph, grow, and change. An extremely weird fusion of the Incredibles and Ratatouille themes plays.
REMY
What’s…auh…happe…aof…to m-apif…me?!
Remy stands up. He becomes six feet tall with macho stretchy muscles, quick feet, and the power to turn invisible and make force fields. Jack Jack’s power didn’t transfer.
REMY
I guess my daily trips to the gym have paid off!
Everyone in the kitchen looks at him, disturbed.
[b]CUT TO:
INT. BOSS’S ROOM[/b]
Remy walks into the boss’s room of La Ratatouille. It’s pretty sloppy and things are scattered all over the place. Linguini dramatically turns in his chair towards the camera like that cliche shot we’ve seen a million times.
REMY
I’m quitting to become a superhero.
LINGUINI
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I thought your dream was to become a chef. I mean, that’s why we made this restaurant. Things haven’t been the same around here lately! You’ve been a real jerk!
REMY[/b]
Well, a weird shock beam came through the window and gave me super powers! I want to help the world!
LINGUINI (so mad)
ARE YOU REALLY DOING TO DO THIS TO-
REMY
Fine, I’ll be a super hero in between shifts. HAPPY?
LINGUINI
Alright, geez…don’t get so mad.
Remy walks away with an angry look on his face. Linguini looks down, disappointed in what Remy and the restaurant have become.
–End–
Most of the changes here were pretty minor. However, I did add Syndrome’s very cheap backstory and I made some heavier changes to the Ratatouille scenes to emphasize a plot point which will become important later.
Very good, I wonder how the other Pixar (and Dreamworks) films will be included in this. By the way, are you going to include any of the newer films? Such as Up, How to Train Your Dragon, or Toy Story 3?
Chuckles: The timeline is sort of messy. Kung Fu Panda just comes out in theaters, but characters from Up and HTTYD appear. A part of the story is that [spoil]Dreamworks is trying to prevent Toy Story 3 and other future Pixar movies that either come out later or take place later in the timeline from being made.[/spoil]
This is getting so interesting! Not to mention hilarious! Super Remy FTW!
Keep it up and great job ![]()