I guess you’ll have to wait and see jessie!
The next two chapters are INSANE! 
Slice reminds me of Crush, only even more energetic, if that’s possible. I like this chapter. I hope you update soon 
Aww, Slice is adorable! <img src=“{SMILIES_PATH}/love2.gif” alt=“:loves:” title="In
Love" /> He reminds me of Squirt, in crab form. Hope he and the TG are gonna be okay.
Guess I’ll have to find out at the end of next week though, as I’m not gonna be here. Darn, why are the INSANE chapters posted up when I’m away? 
Looks like I’ll be waiting in sheer anticipation for a while.
Nice little chapter there, Rayhawk! Slice is my new favorite character.
So…
this is the first fanfiction I have ever read, and it seemed pretty good to me! I think I will keep reading.
Just so you know, in the last chapter you wrote “he didn’t want to put another live in danger.” I believe the word should be “life” and not “live”.
Ah, of course love70ways. Alas, I know it was life instead of live, but unfortunately the “f” key is right above the “v” key. Me and my sticky fingers
And thank you all for the nice comments! I’m very happy you all enjoy it so much!
New chapter tomorrow! Best one yet!
Looking forward to it. It is so cool you can write while at the most magical place on Earth.
And you know I mean Walt Dinsey World…
I’m so excited for you guys to read this chapter! Longest one yet! Enjoy
Chapter 5: Shark Attack
With the newest member of their team tagging along, Slice, the gang swam further and deeper into the bay, following the directions given by Slice’s family.
They whizzed past deep seaweed beds, busy intersections full of travelling fish, and mysterious deep sea creatures just waiting for their next snack. The whole atmosphere was very shabby, perhaps as a cause of the nearby sewage pipes and drainage system.
“Alright gang,” said Gill, “stay very close and watch out for swift moving fish. We’re getting farther and farther away from the comforts of the shoreline. Things could begin to get a little dangerous.”
Indeed, Gill was right. A dark, mysterious figure had been following the group since their departure.
“This is great guys!” shouted Slice. He was still hyped up on being able to travel away from his longtime home. “What are everyone’s names? My name is Slice. I like to swim fast and far! My mom didn’t always like when I went off on my own adventures though. But you guys aren’t like that! You’re cool!” Each fish introduced themselves to Slice and their interests. Gill laughed every time the young crab spoke. He reminded Gill of Nemo, who he felt a deep connection to.
“Uh, guys?” worried Gurgle, “I think something’s following us!”
The gang turned their heads around to look, but all they saw was the bustling fish they had passed long ago.
“You sure Gurgle?” said Bloat, “There’s nothing back there. Maybe it was just your imagination.”
They continued to swim forward towards their destination.
“I think Gurgle was right! I just saw something following us too!” said Peach. Once again, everyone turned their heads and, indeed, they did see a quick, black blur shoot behind them as if to hide in the seaweed beds.
“Like I said, stay close everyone,” said Gill. Everyone huddled closer than they had been before.
“Well you all look delicious! A nice evening snack to hold me over until morning!” a deep, frightening voice said from behind. The gang swiftly turned backwards and saw a large tiger shark bolting towards them, mouth open.
“WATCH OUT!” screamed Peach. The gang split up to each side of the shark and swam as fast as they could. The shark was on to them. He crunched his jaws shut tight, but did not manage to catch any fish. This made him even more angered and rushed towards the closest moving object, Peach.
“PEACH! HE’S COMING AFTER YOU!” shouted Bubbles. Peach swam as fast as she could, swimming zig-zag hoping to throw off the shark through the seaweed beds. The shark chomped again, but nearly missed eating Peach. He did, however, puncture one of Peach’s arms.
“I’m hurt guys! HELP!” Peach floated down to the sand unable to swim from her injury. She was bleeding. This blood made the shark even more tempted and motivated to eat someone.
Gurgle swam down to find Peach hoping to help her survive.
The tiger shark was still on a chase, hunting down Bloat, Slice, Gill, Deb, and Bubbles.
“He’s coming after us!” yelled Deb. They also tried to throw the shark off its track, but he was too smart.
“Guys! I have a plan! Quick!” shouted Gill. “Bubbles, I want you to blow as many bubbles as you can from the bottom of the seaweed beds! Slice, use your claws to cut off some seaweed and use Deb to help you tie it to Bloat’s fin! Hurry!” The team followed Gill’s instructions as the shark approached them faster and faster.
“On my word, Bloat, I want you to puff up and, after, Slice, Deb, and I will pull you back down.” Yelled Gill. The shark was so close his mouth was already open. “Alright, GO!”
The bubbles confused the shark, making him lose his sense of direction. Bloat puffed up and nailed the tiger shark right in the nose with his spikes. The shark yelled and the team pulled Bloat back down to safety.
“You guys aren’t worth this mess! I’m out of here!” The shark swam off. The gang was safe.
“We did it!” yelled Slice. The operation gave him an adrenaline rush.
“Everyone’s safe? Great!” said Gill. He was panting heavily.
“WAIT! What about Peach?” worried Deb. The gang swam over to Peach, nestled at the bottom of a seaweed bed with Gurgle at her assistance.
“PEACH! Are you okay? Speak to us!” shouted Gurgle. She laid there with her arm bleeding and damaged, eyes closed shut.
Oh no… 
I’m not worried about Peach. Starfish are notorious for being hard to kill. In fact, if you cut off a starfish’s arm, it will grow another, and the severed arm will grow into a completely new starfish! Oh, uh, removes nerd glasses Great chapter Rayhawk! Definitely my favorite so far. I think I mentioned this before, but you really manage to capture the sense of family the group has.
Thanks so much jessie! Don’t you just love cliffhangers?
NERD! 
Just kidding, Evil_Genius_27! I knew that too! And glad to see you’re enjoying the sense of family they have. I mean, they WERE stuck in a small aquarium together for a long time.
Yeah that’s why I put them in my story. 
I guess you’ll just have to wait and see what happens! Muahaha 
You’re making my brain explode!
I just started reading your fanfic, Rayhawk, and I love it! I read chapters 1-5 already. It’s really awesome how you did a Finding Nemo fic, seeing as those are so rare, and Finding Nemo happens to be one of my favorite Pixar films, right up there with Cars.
I really enjoy your writing style, I like how you keep the prose concise and to the point, so readers won’t have to wade and sift through mounds of unnecessary text. I also like how you keep the writing mostly dialogue, and then you have the reader figure out what’s going on, because I can just picture and hear all the characters talking and it’s also more natural that way.
I hope you don’t mind a little constructive criticism, but in chapter 1, you wrote:
Usually in narrative, you’re not really supposed to write in second person, or at least, it sounds a little bit awkward to do so. This is just nitpicking, really, and is nothing major at all.
Anyway, awesome job. Chapter 5 was intense! I’m hooked!
Thanks so much Ding! Happy to see you’re just getting into it and enjoying it!
I really wanted to focus on dialogue since there are just so many characters. I hoped to catch the essence of each character and their individual personalities and differences.
As for the second person point of view, that was intentional as that first paragraph is merely supposed to be an introduction, not directly related to the story or dialogue. Hope that makes you feel better
Wow, Rayhawk, this is great! I hope Peach turns out okay though.
So are you all sad? Anxious? Well no more waiting! Here’s the next chapter!
Chapter 6: A Miracle
The tank gang swam, crowding around Peach wondering if she was still alive.
“No. No. No. This can’t be.” Gill laid next to Peach with his lucky fin on Peach’s hurt arm, crying. The whole gang had a sullen look on their faces. Peach was not breathing.
Slice was in denial of what just happened. What he thought would be a joy ride through the open ocean was, in fact, his worst nightmare. Even though he had just met Peach, she was as much family to him as was his mother and father. He shed a tear at the sight of Peach.
As each tear was shed by every team member, the dark depths of the ocean seemed to open up. A ray of line of the sunset shone from the surface of the ocean down to the sand at which they laid, an almost impossible occurrence. The light shone right down to Peach as the seaweed around her cleared and opened up.
At that moment, Peach began to cough. It was a miracle.
At the sound of the cough, everyone’s eyes brightened up, moving their eyes to take a look at what was occurring.
“Where am I?” whispered Peach, still coughing intermittently. Her eyes opened up to the world around her.
“YOU’RE ALIVE!” yelled the whole group swimming in towards Peach to commence in a group hug. Peach smiled brighter than perhaps she ever had before. She felt the warmest she had ever felt in her life, surrounded by her friends.
After everyone was settled and the situation was described to Peach, the gang settled down to where Peach was. It was late and they were ready to rest up for their next day of travelling.
Peach’s wound had been wrapped up by Gurgle, Deb, and Slice with a softer variety of seaweed found where the light had shone before.
After each fish had found a place to settle down and said their goodnights, Peach spoke to the group.
“What you did out there, all of you, was truly heroic,” said Peach. “Thank you all. You guys aren’t just my friends, I can truly call you my family. A family is forever.”
Everyone sported grins on their face as they fell into a peaceful sleep, aware of the deep love connection between each of them.
It’s a good thing her arm was just wounded, and not completely severred, or else they’d have two Peaches. And then if that one got hurt, they’d have three, and so on and so on until they had an entire army of Peaches! Millions and millions of Peaches! Great chapter Rayhawk, I’m really glad Peach is okay.