Alright, so I thought that the review I posted (and, just a minute ago, deleted) wasn’t too nice, so I thought I give your chapter another shot and see how I it reflects on me.
As I said, it gets kinda confusing sometimes. Being ignorant of many car models, not to mention their serial numbers, I could not really picture the cars in my head when I read their names. For example…
The first one, the beige 1970 VAZ-2101. I couldn’t figure out what that looked like till I did a Google search. After that, because it came out as an orange car under the same name (save the ‘beige’), I had to picture it in a beige-tinted color with the rusted body and a paint job that’s about to come off (I couldn’t think of a better term to describe this ). The availability of the descriptions of the last few aspects I mentioned (beige color, rusted body, etc.) were nice, but there still wasn’t any description of its shape, curves, special trademarks (in appearance), etc.
Then there’s the Lada. I couldn’t confirm if you were referring to the VAZ-2101, because I don’t know what a ‘Lada’ is; probably another ‘car-term’ that which most of them I’m not familiar with at all.
Other than that, I like how you portrayed the VAZ-2101 as a criminal that had retired from the Soviet Union, a party that had appeared quite many times in the James Bond novels. Also, I like how you turned the car into a major criminal-like character similar to Le Chiffre (illegal trading, anyone?), even if he was trading arms and weapons rather than… bank accounts.
Next, we have the Pierre, who had also fallen under your impression that everyone knows how a Peugeot 405 would look like. Naturally, I don’t, especially when I have yet to Google it.
Again, I like your use of words here. Even though it makes me squelch at how good the sentences regarding Pierre’s back story looks like (in terms of professionalism) with hefty jealousy, I couldn’t quite help myself to rewrite this review and tell you how well you have portrayed the voice of the narrator (I was imagining Judi Dench’s ‘M’ being the voice).
I like the dialogue, a lot. You made their lines look official and very realistic, something I don’t think I could quite display in my fan fics.
Jack reminded me of Jack Travin (Keanu Reeves’ character in [i:n4hp4okj]Speed[/i:n4hp4okj]), one of my favorite ‘cop characters.’
And after all of that, it comes down to the tunnel scene, where more cars unknown to me in terms of appearance appeared from here and there, leaving me quite confused, especially when I had to picture the vehicle mounting the AK-47 onto himself.
However, you did a superb job with the use of words later on. ‘Ricochet’ is one I could barely speed without the help of a dictionary and the Firefox spell checker. The use of similes helped - a lot. I love how you used the one with the tin can.
So, yeah, there are many things in the chapter I’m quite fond of using myself (but unfortunately ends up having my stories in their current state today), and there are quite a number of details that caused a slight downfall in it. However, you did quite a good job overall.
Go read the spoilers in my foreword, would you? I spent a long time typing those.