This was just what I did for a little break from my story, Living the Dream. Me and my sister make up funny stories all the time about the characters of Cars in both human and car form (this is how I get most of my ideas for my books). So one night, we created this short story. We thought it was so funny, I just had to write it down! Mind you, this story is the characters as humans (not cars). So, read and enjoy…… and then PLEASE review!!!
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It was Sunday morning. The sun was rising brilliantly in the cloudless sky, and the birds sang their songs in a way that sounded like tunes to hymns. The Town of Radiator Springs was busy preparing for their usual Sunday morning service, and there were no tourists around to stop them. Now this was a big deal every week. For everyone wanted to look their best and enjoy the compliments they received for dressing up. But each had their own style, so when one lacked a fashion trend, another completed it. So while Lightning gave himself a burn on his neck from tugging on his tie due to his ignorance in how to tie it right, Doc was making a fancy twist on his own tie. Sarge and Sheriff had their formal office suits on, but Ramone and Filmore had dress pants and plaid shirts on. Sally had a modern blue dress on, but Lizzy had a poofy dress that had a colonial look to it.
Eventually, they all were satisfied with themselves, and they gathered together in the courthouse, Bible in hand, and a smile on their face. How pleased and proud they looked when they observed each other. Ramone laughed at Luigi and Guido, who looked like twins. Doc honestly liked the hairstyle Flo had this morning. Sally shook her head in amusement as she fixed Lightning’s tie, and Mater laughed when he caught Lightning checking Sally out. Sheriff got up behind the pulpit. “Okay, everyone, we’re gonna start. Let’s begin with a song. Turn to ‘Amazing Grace’ in your hymn books.”
After the song, Doc stepped up. Their service was made up of each of them getting up and reciting a verse from the Bible they had chosen. Doc, nicely fitted in his navy blue suite and fancy tie, said, “In quietness and peace shall be your strength.”
“Ha! That suits ya well, Doc! You’re always so quiet and in being quiet, you’re intimidating!” Lightning piped up from beside Sally in the back row of the right side of the room.
“My, ain’t you clever. You get up here and give it to us, Hotshot,” Doc challenged.
He returned to his seat, and Lightning, without hesitation, got up behind the pulpit. “Okay! (achem) ‘Be ye slow to speak and slow to anger.’”
“Haha! That sure fits YOU!” Doc chuckled then spoke sarcastically. “Ha! You’ve got the hottest temper and the biggest mouth of anybody I’ve ever known!”
“Shut up, you crazy grandpa,” Lightning ordered behind bared teeth, pointing his finger over the pulpit at Doc, who was laughing his head off. “Don’t forget where I get it from! What an idiot….” He mumbled to himself as he sat back down beside Sally.
“Now let’s get this service back in shape,” Sarge said, going up. “’Fight the good fight of faith.’”
Lightning snickered, but was quiet when Sarge gave him his evil look. Then Filmore went up. “’Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you, not as the….’”
“You Hippy and your peace!” Sarge grumbled, rolling his eyes.
“Red’s next,” Sally announced, gesturing to Red. He walked up there and said in an extremely quiet voice, “And Jesus wept.”
Lightning held his laughter with all he could, but Mater was the one who burst out laughing now. Red ran to his seat crying.
“You go up, Mater. You seem to wan to make noise,” Sheriff said.
“YAY! I’m next! Okay. Uhhh…… ‘For behold, all things are become new.’”
Lightning examined Mater’s worn, out-of-date suit and dirty, unshaved face. “Dude! You ain’t got nothin’ new on ya!” he chuckled. Everyone coughed on their urges to laugh.
“But I put mah best suit on!” Mater said, grabbing the front of his brown suit jacket.
“Okay, make room. Spanish Bro goin’ up!” Ramone said. Then, when he stood behind the pulpit, he spoke in fluent Spanish as everyone looked on confused. Well, everyone except Flo.
“Oh, Amen, Honey! Now it’s my turn to spread the Gospel.” The middle aged woman, wearing a dark green dress and matching headband in her afro hairstyle, said, “ My verse is from Proverbs. ‘Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies… She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.’”
“Good one, Flo! Ha! You provide us food, alright! You’re virtuous!” Lightning interrupted again.
“It’s okay-a, Flo. I’ll-a go next,” Luigi offered. “Actually, me and-a Guido are saying our-a verse together-a.” Again, the listeners were lost as they heard a long string of Italian.
“English, please?” Lightning asked when they were finished.
Luigi and Guido turned their noses up, straightened their barber-bow ties, and sat back down.
“My turn! You evil people! Can’t an old lady say her verse?!?!” Lizzy croaked.
“We never objected it. Go ahead, Lizzy,” Sheriff said, helping her walk.
“Here’s the truth,” she panted, gripping the sides of the pulpit. “Ya know who died for our sins? I found out this week. It’s the Easter Bunny.”
“Um, Lizzy, where did ya get that from?” Doc asked nervously while everyone groaned.
“We all celebrate the Easter Bunny that day. Guess it was him.”
“No, he didn’t. Jesus Christ did,” Doc said, pushing up his glasses and rubbing his eyes in frustration.
“Okay, then Santa Clause did!”
“I dun’t even wanna know where she got that idear from,” Mater mumbled beneath his breath. Lightning laughed and slapped him approvingly on the back.
“Guess I’ll save the service again, here,” Sarge yelled above the laughter. “Here’s my verse again. ‘Fight the good fight of faith.’”
“Fight the… ahHA! HAHAHA!!!” Lightning roared.
“Be quiet you naïve bum!” Sarge shouted.
“Okay, that’s enough! I’ll conclude this, um…. Service,” Sheriff announced. “Here’s my little message. I was studying the law the other day and…”
“Duh,” Lightning grinned.
“Not THAT law. The Ten Commandments. Here’s a couple before we end. ‘Thou shalt not steal…”
“That’s in BOTH laws, Sheriff!” Lightning snickered. Sally dug her elbow into his side.
“Thou shalt not,” Sheriff growled, gritting his teeth and inhaling deeply,” GO OVER ONE HUNDRED MILES PER HOUR ON A TWENTY-FIVE MILE PER HOUR ROAD!!!” he screamed, glaring intently at Lightning.
Everyone turned and all eyes were on him. “What?” Lightning asked innocently.
“Finally, let’s sing ‘Blest Be the Tie That Binds’.”
Contradictory to the words of the song they were singing, everyone glared and threw invisible daggers at one another through their looks. Sally noticed all of this.
“That’s it! I can’t take it anymore!” she exclaimed, jumping up and walking briskly out of the building, her blue dress hugging her perfect curves and her heels clicking.
Lightning looked at Doc, who motioned for him to go after her. He immediately got up and ran to the courthouse exit/entrance. He pushed against the doors, and the sunshine blinded him briefly. He squinted as he scanned the area for his Love. Then, he saw her, sitting in front of the statue of Stanley, shaking. His heart melted, and he ran over to her, dropped to the ground beside her, and embraced her asking, “What’s wrong?”
She turned to face him, and then he realized that she wasn’t shaking from crying, but from laughing! When she quit laughing hard enough to talk, she panted, “I’m so sorry!”
“Why’re ya laughing? I thought you were upset,” Lightning said, smiling.
“Everyone was so funny!”
“That was kinda funny how our verses related to us in some way.”
“Yeah, and it’s like this every Sunday, every week!”
“Yeah! And we always get offended when someone ties us to our verse, haha! He chuckled, then he thought for a minute. “Wait… you didn’t say a verse. What was your verse gonna be?”
Sally grinned from ear to ear and said, “’These things I have spoken unto you that ye should not be offended.’”
), but this one was absolutely hilarious! I 
