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Indefinable: A WALL-E Fanfic

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Indefinable: A WALL-E Fanfic

Postby Carol » Sat Nov 28, 2009 3:35 pm

A/N

It is highly unlikely I would reply to any reviews here so I can avoid making excess commentary. I will only reserve commentary for Deviantart. Constructive criticism is welcome. Chapters will be longer.

I do not own WALL-E, EVE, Captain McCrea, and Auto. Though later, the story would be dominated by an OC cast. Captain McCrea is a protagonist.

_______________________________________________________

Prologue:

It’s a world out there.

The words were sealed behind the lips of Captain Brian Robert McCrea as he listened to the silence. He loved to gaze out into the world beyond the Axiom bridge. He loved to see the Earth shine. He loved to see the sun glistened over the lands that sparkled with life.

Brian looked to his reflection on the control panel. His face bore less flab. Though he still had the appearance of a large toddler, he had lost quite some excess weight since the landing. He brushed off the dirt smeared on his hands; he had just gotten back from working at the soils. His arms, feet, legs, and fingers were more elongated since the landing.

“It has been almost seven years since we landed. What is the progress?”

“Earth is increasing in life sustainability. The humans are far-”

Ding. McCrea turned around to see the five EVE-probes with WALL-E, blithely humming a tune, following. WALL-E and his EVE were holding hands.

“EVE, you and your sisters have an important directive. I am afraid it is going involve leaving Earth and WALL-E.”

WALL-E’s hum came to a dead stop.

“I hate to separate you two, but it’s for the welfare of humanity.”
Last edited by Carol on Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby 123EVE123 » Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:23 pm

GAH!!! What hapens next!?! I LOVE THIS STORY SO FAR!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Postby Netbug009 » Tue Dec 01, 2009 12:39 pm

Well, first a spoiler warning would be good. ^^;

And some criticism... Hmmmmm.... I think it felt a bit rushed. ^^; I mean, I'm going to continue reading this, but at the same time, I just... felt like a lot of other fanfics I've read. EVE has a mission and has to leave WALL-E. Chaos ensues. I think it'd be nice, since the part of the idea what we've seen so far is kinda standard, if you put a bit more of a hook into it, be it by hinting at some other part of the plot or by really stretching your writing skills (Something as simple as painting a picture for the audience early on to wow them can get people beyond how little we know about what's actually going to happen) to grab the audience. I guess TL;DR my thought process right now is "Well, the writing is alright, but how is this different than other stuff I've seen? Why should I invest myself into this?" you know? ^^;
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