My story. toughts, idea's, opinions and feedback.

As I want to keep the original post of the story I am writing clean of ‘clutterposts’ to keep reading as pleasant as possible I have made this thread for you all to post in about it if you want.

The first page of chapter one is now online read it here

“It looks great!” I’ll be reading. :smiley:

Well, here is what I think. Violet said that the jet blew up their house a year ago. Now assuming that was from the movie, she would be in Highschool a year later. I find it a real curveball that she is in college now. That is my only concern.

Now as for the story, it is off to a really good start. I like the idea of He going to Bob’s old college. Kinda like a shade of Sky High right? Oh well, keep it up. I can’t wait to read the next chapter.

in other countries, collage is the name for high school.

good work, dude.

I thought “collage” was a type of mosaic. :laughing:

i fail at speeling. :laughing:

no really, i stink. its my worst subject. :confused:

Well I’m from holland so I don’t really know how those things work in the U.S.

And yes its sort of a sky high idea, but then different ^^ Think of it to be Harry potter but then with superhero’s and more high tech or something :smiley:

Don’t worry about it Vekoma. THat is just one small, little, tinny detail that I noticed. Other than that, you have really started out amazingly. We don’t get a lot of TI fanfics here. I am glad to read one once again.

Ok so I changed the name of the school into W.U.S.H.T. that stands for Western United Super Hero Training.
Its not a high school, nor a college, its like a totally different type of school instead. (just to keep things in order.)

thatks for pointing that out TSS! I hope this will fit better

Page 2 is also up now!

Well, I just finished reading chapter two. This was a really, really excellent chapter. You did a marvelouos job with the descriptions of the school and her room. Keep it up Vekoma. This is turning out to be a really, really good story.

Thanks TSS!

Page 3 is up now, I hope to post at least 1 page every day ^^

Even tough I already broke that idea last weekend, but that was because I was in Basel for the quarterfinals of the UEFA EURO championship 2008 (where we sadly lost to a much better russia)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new page, it isn’t about Violet (even tough she will be the main character in this story)

but not as good as mine, right? JK, it’s fine.

Really good job Vekoma. Every time I read a new page, I always crave for more. I can’t wait for the next chapter. Update soon.

PS: Great job wrting about what life was like for SUper Heros nowadays. You and I have similar view points.

Page 4 posted!
Read it here

It’s getting better by the chapter! :astonished:

One thing: at the end of each post, it says “toughts” sintead of “thoughts[/b]”.

Well, you hit one out of the ballpark with this chapter.

There are a couple things that I would like to speak out my mine. First, I think your stong point has to be descriptions Everytime something comes up, you break it down and talk about it so well, that I see it in my head. And I like the idea of a secret basement for the family. Kinda like the Bat-Cave right? Really creative.

I also see that you and I agree on the Supers finanncial stuff. I agree that the NSA would pay them for each mission they undertake. For me, I think that there is like a little bit of a pay scale. The higher the degree of danger the situation is, the higher the pay. FOr example, saving the world from global destrustion would be paid a lot more than a robbery. And I like the idea that the Supers have to take on the mundane jobs as well. Really cool.

There is one thing I found that I disagree on. I don’t like the idea that you have to be 24 or older to perfore Super Heroic duties. I think the kids should take part of the action too if they can prove they are ready. (In my fanfics, you get kids and teens doing the most dangerous missions). BUt then again, that is what the new Super Hero school is for right?

Well, Keep it up Vekoma. I can not wait to read more from you.

Well, thats just it, they are still just kids, going on very dangerous missions. They will never have the training and experience needed to survive in some situations. This could result in even more dangerous situations then already present. So a age restriction seemed pretty well in place to me :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

@ A113 I didn’t even notice that, sorry :smiley:
Thing about most spelling errors is that English isn’t my native language, so it is to be expected that errors will be made at some point. Ill keep an eye out for THOUGHTS :wink: thanks.

Well, if you say so Vekoma. It’s your fanfic. I ain’t gonna force you to change it. Can’t wait for the next chapter.

Which is up right now BTW.

Anyway it’s ok to have different veiws about it. It makes our visions of the Incredibles universe unique and makes it more fun to read about it in fanfics. If everyone would think the same there would be no need for fanfics ey? :smiley:

Well, I just finished reading your latest chapter. I have gotta tell you that it is getting more intresting and exciting! We get to see action I hope. And poor Dash for not going with his family. Oh well, can’t wait for the next chapter!