AirHeads! Book One: Ballet

I’ve been thinking about posting it up… I’m gonna give this story a test run. I decided to sit down and write up AirHeads! the Musical on Word. For now, here’s a prologue written like a travel brochure to start you off. There will be lots of jokes and parodies along the way, as is characteristic of my writing. :unamused: I also used Google Translate to make sure my French, Swedish, Chinese, and spanish were correct in some of the locations mentioned.

EDIT: I decided to add Katarina’s introduction, because I thought the story wouldn’t be the same without it.

So without further ado, I present to you, members of Pixar Planet…

AirHeads! The Amazing Journey from Dasani to Aquafina

Prologue

There is a planet on the other side of the Milky Way, which is just like our world. They have nations, varied cultures, diverse languages, and unique ways of life. This planet is named “Wuting”, which here on planet Earth, is the Chinese word for “Ballroom”. And true to its namesake, there are four basic styles of dance on this world: Ballet, Swing, Latin, and Hip-Hop.

So, in other words, this is a planet that celebrates ballroom dancing. Cool, don’t you think?

And to start you off, here’s your passport to this wonderful planet:

• The Polar Ice Caps are populated. The North is named “Aquafina” and the South is named “Dasani”. Their cultures are French-based and Norse-based, respectively, and both write using Canadian Aboriginal (Inuit) Script. Some points of interest: Monsieur Pierre’s Ecole du Ballet et Maitrîse de L’Eau (Aquafina), Kristall Gejsrar (Dasani), and Le Jardin des Poissons (Aquafina).

• A large landmass corresponding with Europe, Asia, and Africa on the Eastern Hemisphere is called “Terra Firma”. Their culture is based on early 20th Century America, mainly the 20s to the 50s. They write using Mandarin Script. Some points of interest: Kimberly Island, Old Moviewood, Art Deco City (Capital), Route 67 Desert and Rest Stop, Ten Thousand Things Public Library, and Yonkers.

• In the Western Hemisphere, there is a tropical archipelago, where all volcanoes are active, and the coastal sands are actually ash. This country is named “Pyromania”, and it is known for its sweltering summers, lush vegetation, and lively attitude of its people. Their culture is a mix of Mexican, Brazilian, and Spanish. They write using Tamil Script. Points of interest: Isla Ascua, Distrito Federal, La Academia de Pirómania, Ciudad de la Fuente de Fuego, Los Gran Portones de Antonio, and El Palacio Real.

• There are four mountain ranges at the four corners of the world, known as Northside, Southside, Westside, and Eastside, one for each direction of the wind. On these high-altitude mountains are ruins of urban neighborhoods where buffalo-herding nomads once lived. They are perfectly preserved places, down to the Tibetan Script on their spray paint art. Also, their culture was based on Urban Street Hip-Hop lifestyles.

So…now just sit back and enjoy your first trip across Wuting…

                                                                                                  …from its South Pole to its North Pole.

Ballet. Swing. Latin. Hip-Hop.

My grandma used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace; when the Dancemaster kept balance between The Hydrophile Tribes, Terra Firma, Pyromania, and the Aerodynamic Nomads. But that all changed when the Pyromaniacs attacked.

Only the Dancemaster mastered the four dance styles. Only he could stop the ruthless Pyromaniacs, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.

A hundred years have passed, and Pyromania is nearing victory in the war. Two years ago, my daddy and the men of Dasani journeyed to Terra Firma to help fight against Pyromania, leaving me and my brother to look after our tribe.

Some folks believe that the Dancemaster was never born to the Aerodynamic Nomads and that there probably won’t be another one ever again. But I haven’t lost hope. I still believe that somehow, the Dancemaster will return to save the world.

-Katarina Hansenshiver

Here’s Chapter One. Hopefully you guys like it. It’s got lots of humor, and some parody jokes hidden in there. To start you off, there’s a reference to How to Train Your Dragon. See if you can find any of the others! :smiley:

So, without any more to say…

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

It was another boring day in the village of Dasani, a village 100 miles south of hopeless and ¼ of a degree north of freezing to death. A girl woke up from a sleeping bag, and snoozed her alarm clock. A boy who looked older than her was still snoring in his sleeping bag. An old lady in a parka was outside an igloo flipping some pancakes on a cast iron pan.

“Kat! Sven! I made crepes!” announced the old lady.

The girl, Katarina Hansenshiver, stepped out of the igloo, dressed in a parka, jeans, fur boots, mittens, and even a horned helmet.

“That’s great Granny,” began Katarina, “Sven is still sleeping, however. We actually plan to set out on a fishing trip today.”

“Well, you better get you sleepy-headed brother up n’ at ‘em if you want the best catch of the day,” answered Kanda, the grandmother.

At that moment, a loud, radio-like noise sounded from inside the igloo. The noise announced in a French accent, saying “Come visit Aquafina! We’ve got ice sculpting, coffee, croissants, ballet, maitrîse de l’eau, and even a picturesque oasis with poissons in them. So visit Aquafina today, ze water is just fine! Located in scenic North Pole, on the banks of Glaceau Bay. This message is approved by Princess Yvonne of Aquafina.”

Sven, the older boy, stumbled out of the igloo, awakened by both the loud radio advertisement and the smell of the fresh jelly-filled crepes sprinkled with powdered sugar. He managed to get on a horned helmet and a fur vest.

“You made pannkakor this morning?” Sven began, “That’s great Granny.”

While Katarina and Sven sat down to eat their breakfast, Kanda walked over to a weaving loom, where she was working on a large blue-and purple rug for their igloo home.

“That’s a pretty rug,” Katarina began, “Well, better get going. The herring and salmon don’t catch themselves!”

Katarina walked back inside the igloo, where she pulled out a small blue purse with the chemical abbreviation “H2¬O” written on it. She and Sven were now ready for their fishing trip.

“It is I, Sven Hansenshiver! Boomerang Extraordinaire!” announced Sven in a Scandinavian-type accent as Katarina rowed the canoe, “I will fight all raiding bad guys who want to ruin Dasani!”

“Sven, the accent is a bit annoying,” Katarina began, “Besides, we have to look out for herring and salmon.”

“Fine,” Sven answered, putting down his boomerang and wooden shield.

As Sven sat in the canoe, looking all grumpy, Katarina threw a net into the ice cold water. She then moved her hands and arms around as if she were dancing ballet. But as she did, the water raised like tides; almost as if it was following her lead.

“Kat, what are you doing?” Sven asked.

“Using my hydrokinesis to lure the fish into the net,” Katarina replied, “I wish we had a ballet school here to help me master my hydrokinetic powers. Too bad they only have one in Aquafina.”

“Like we’d really go up all the way to the North Pole just so you could get into ballet school,” Sven mocked.

“Yeah,” Katarina sighed, “Besides, I think our net is full.”

Katarina pulled out the net from the water; schools of herring and salmon filling their catch. Since they had enough fish now for food in their village, they began to turn their boat around, when all of a sudden, they hit something.

“What was that?” began Sven, startled.

“I have no idea,” Katarina was confused too, “Sounded like rusted metal. Maybe we should check it out. For all I know, it could be ruins, or a bomb.”

“You’re right,” Sven agreed, “But what about the fish?”

“They’ll be just fine,” Katarina answered, stepping out of the boat. She rubbed the snow off a small ice structure, and discovered a metal hatch.

“Sven! Check this out!” Katarina called for her brother.

Sven ran towards the hatch. He hit the thing with his boomerang and the door broke off. He looked inside and saw a ladder.

“Let’s have a look,” Sven thought, “After you.”

Katarina steeped into the hatch, and began climbing down the ladder. Sven followed after her.
“It’s pretty dark in here,” began Katarina, “Wonder what this leads to.”

Katarina and Sven landed in a large room, dimly lit with some neon blue lighting and hanging lamps. There were tables all around, with apparatuses consisting of beakers and test tubes. There were also broken computers, and everything was covered in a thin layer of frost and ice. Icicles also dangled from the ceiling and incandescent lamps.

“What is this?” Sven began in amazement.

“It looks like some sort of frozen old abandoned underground laboratory,” Katarina analyzed the surroundings.

“Then let’s be very careful,” Sven grew cautious, “Judging from the yellow ‘radioactive’ and red
‘biohazard’ signs, I say we watch our step.”

The two siblings moved slowly through the lab, being as careful as possible not to disturb the quiet, yet eerie peace that permeated the facility.

“Kat, you should check this out,” Sven seemed excited.

Katarina ran right over and saw what appeared to be a large cylindrical tank filled with ice and sealed shut. However, something else besides the tank seemed to have caught her attention.

“Ooooh!” Katarina exclaimed, “What does this button do?!?!?”

“Dee Dee! No!” Sven shouted in despair, this time with a Russian-sounding accent.

Unfortunately, it was already too late; Katarina had pushed the big red button. In an instant, an alarm began to sound, but then it stopped. However, the giant tank opened, and the chunk of ice that was housed inside it began to melt.

“Kat! What have you done?!” Sven grew agitated.

“Let’s talk about this another time,” Katarina advised her brother, “I think there’s something inside the ice.”

Sven ran towards the tank, and he picked up a bucket to collect the running water from the tank so he could dump it into a nearby sink. Katarina did the same, because although she was hydrokinetic, her powers were only amateur. However, nothing could have prepared the pair for what was about to happen next.

“Sven! Find the stop button!” Katarina exclaimed, her eyes wide with fear.

As Katarina climbed up the tank, Sven pressed every button on the control panel, trying to stop the mechanism his sister had activated by accident. Fortunately, he found a tiny green button that did the trick.

“I did it Kat!” Sven exclaimed, “Kat? What’s going on?”

Sven climbed up the machine, only to find Katarina cradling a small, sleeping boy of about twelve years of age in her arms. The child was dressed in baggy, oversized orange and yellow clothes, and on his head was a baseball cap with a blue arrow on it. The girl gently laid one side of her head to his chest, and she also pressed two of her fingers to one of his wrists.

“What are you doing?” asked Sven.

“Shhh!” Katarina warned him to be quiet, “I’m trying to see if he’s breathing. I think he’s alive. He’s got a pulse.”

Katarina pulled back slightly, still holding the boy. The child placed a hand on her, and then let it slide down. His eyes slowly began to open, and he started to gasp for breath. Sven stepped back a little.

“Sven, it’s alright,” began Katarina, “He appears to be harmless.”

Katarina stepped back as well, when all of a sudden, the little boy came to life, breaking into dance moves.

“A hip-hop dancer?!?” Sven was startled, “Seriously, they haven’t been seen in over one hundred—”

“Shhh!” Katarina let out a loud whisper, “Let him dance.”

“Yo yo yo!” began the hip-hop dancing boy, rapping over an auto-tune microphone, “My name is Andy Breeze! Pleased to meet you homies, I’m a hip-hop dancer who’s got that boom boom pow, ‘cause that’s how I roll, all up in the air! Give me a holla’!”

Katarina and Sven stood in shock. In all their lives, they have never seen a hip-hop dancer so spunky and full of energy, let alone a live hip-hop dancer. All of a sudden, Andy fell on the metal base of the machine.

“Andy!” began Katarina, “What’s going on?”

Andy struggled to speak, “Please—please get me—something to eat…”

And here’s Chapter Two. This is as far as I’ve gotten, with the exception of an almost complete Chapter Three.

Kanda stood outside her igloo home, handing some fresh-baked chocolate-chip cookies to the little children in the village. Another elder, a man named Cornelius, stood looking out across the vast ice sheets surrounding Dasani. All of a sudden, he heard loud voices calling out from a far distance.

“Kanda Vodastrovsky!” began Cornelius, “Are those your grandkids?”

Kanda walked over to a telescope. She squinted her eyes, and through that tiny lens, saw the image of Katarina and Sven, carrying an unconscious boy on their backs, along with the fish from their trip. Also, an unusually large buffalo seemed to follow them.

“That’s them!” Kanda exclaimed.

The two shivering children arrived with their new discovery. They appeared desperate and distressed.

“Granny,” began Sven, “We need to see Cornelius.”

Kanda motioned the two children toward the elderly man. They dropped the fish net next to their grandmother, almost as if they were in a rush.

“Cornelius!” exclaimed Katarina, “We need to talk to you. It’s a matter of tribal importance.”

The man turned toward the two children, standing dignified in his blue parka and horned helmet. “What is it, Sven and Katarina Hansenshiver, son and daughter of Chief Hans Hansenshiver?”

Katarina took a deep breath, “We found this boy,” she began the story, holding Andy in her arms, “He says his name is Andy Breeze, and he seems to be a hip-hop dancer. Also, I just noticed this; he’s got what looks to be a tattoo or birthmark on his wrist with lots of swirls and stuff. One looks like the symbol for ballet, which is also on my necklace.”

“Really?!? Let me see that!” Cornelius was suddenly intrigued. He took out a pair of spectacles from a pocket in his parka, and lifted them to his eyes. With another hand, he took Andy’s birthmarked wrist, and examined it. He saw four emblems on the wrist; the first one was a simple trio of spirals, the second was a circle containing three rolling spirals over three waves, the third resembled a trapezoidal stone with lines at the bottom and a spiral at the center, and the fourth appeared as a forked-tulip flame with a spiral at the base.

“Oh! Oh dear!” Cornelius face turned to shock. His eyes grew wide, and his mouth hung wide open.

“What is it?” Sven became scared.

“It’s—it’s the—” Cornelius stuttered, “The Fifth…Element.”

And at that moment, the old man fainted.

Katarina stepped inside her igloo, only to find Andy putting on his hoodie, which had a spiral trio in the back. He then proceeded towards the refrigerator.

“Ah! Just what I needed!” exclaimed Andy, “An apple!”

The young hip-hop dancer sank his teeth into the crisp, yet juicy, red fruit. However, he immediately spit it right out in disgust.

“Blech!” exclaimed Andy, “That was the most repulsive thing I’ve ever eaten! Do you have anything else? Maybe try and fry something?”

Katarina quickly pulled out a packet of bacon from the fridge, and threw it into a frying pan. She turned on the stove, tossed some butter in the pan, and got a fork to flip the bacon. After that, the girl reached for the icy igloo cabinet and pulled out a blue plate that had crescents and waves decorating it. She threw the bacon onto the plate frantically, so as not to burn herself.

“How about that?” Katarina asked, with a hopeful look on her face.

“Hmm…” Andy thought as he chewed the grease-laden meat slabs, “Still not appetizing.”

Katarina ran to the fridge again. This time, she grabbed a big tub of cloudberry yogurt, and pulled out a spoon from a compartment to give to the starving boy. She also went though the other cabinets, and grabbed a bag of M&M’s, peanut butter cookies, and even Ritz™ crackers. Andy tried each of these foods, but none suited his tastes.

“Don’t you have anything good around here?!” Andy shouted in exasperation.

Katarina sighed and rolled her eyes as she watched Andy get up to rummage the fridge again. This time, he found something that seemed to have caught his attention.

“A-ha! I know what’ll fill me up!” Andy exclaimed delightfully, his eyes glaring into the fridge.

“Fish fingers and custard?!?!?” Katarina felt a strange mix of disgust and confusion as she watched Andy dip the warm, tender, and flaky fish sticks into the gooey and overpoweringly sweet yellow custard, then inserting the “concoction” into his mouth and savoring every morsel of it.

“Mmm-hmm!” Andy was satisfied with his snack, “This did the trick.”

“Hey Kat!” Sven entered the igloo; a cookie in his mouth, “Granny just made some sugar cookies. They’re pretty warm and oven-fresh.”

Katarina stood up. “Since you’re happy with your snack, I’m gonna get myself a little something,” she told Andy, “Stay put.”

Katarina walked outside of the igloo, and picked up a warm sugar cookie off a cookie sheet her grandmother was holding.

“Thanks a lot Granny,” Katarina answered, “Your cookies always manage to keep us and the kids happy.”

“You’re very welcome, dear,” Kanda replied, “Now I gotta get back in the kitchen and make some more!”

“Really?” Katarina was puzzled, “We don’t want to spoil the children’s dinner, and we don’t have any company coming from Aquafina or anything like that.”

“Not from up north,” Kanda began to explain, “But there’s a nice big ol’ navy ship in the distance, and it looks like their headed for little ol’ Dasani, and I’d like to give them a warm welcome with my cookies. Also, are those tacos I smell?”

Katarina’s confusion suddenly turned to worry and panic. She knew what navy ships with the scent of tacos meant, and it wasn’t good news at all.

“Sven! Sven!” Katarina yelled, running towards her brother.

“What is it?!” Sven’s face began to fall as he turned to his sister.

Katarina stood there, trying to calm her nerves. As soon as she was able to collect herself, she uttered, “Sound the fire alarm. This is not a drill.”