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The "Knight" Washer

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The "Knight" Washer

Postby Al-Bob » Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:29 am

Just a little detective short story i created when i was 12 and revised just today...hope you guys don't find this to weird...




The “Knight” Washer



From the Desk of Detective 113 (August 31st, 2005)



The night was August 17th, 2005 when I first discovered life

outside of our normal scope of human beings. That day had been rough going

from one suicide to homicide to murder and back to a suicide. All of the death

around me made my day seem perfectly “rotten” (pardon my pun) so upon

hearing the call that a washer for Burger Queen had been found dead in a

restaurant came as no surprise.



The scene was typical when I arrived at 5th street and Northern.

The body of 16 year old Michael Venispuchii (spelled with two I's) was drawn

out with playdough along the floor as the managers hurriedly bustled around

trying to get the place ready to serve meals for the coming customers. As I

began to inspect the body two things struck me as important. The first was

that Michael had fallen backwards due to his unique bone imprint in the

ground. Obviously the lad was taken from the front and brought down through

some vicious attack. I raised my eyes to my assistant Dr. Dilbert who always

followed me around to my cases. He was standing there looking down at the

body with his large Popsicle sticking out of his mouth dripping onto the floor. A

manager quickly walked by mopping up the purple Popsicle liquid muttering

under his breath about detectives. As I stared at his rather dumbfounded face

he suddenly seemed to notice my hard stare because he quickly gathered his

wits and said;



“He died quickly?”



His coarse English accent continually drove me nuts. “Mr. Dilbert,”

I began, “we are in Weatherford Oklahoma and you have to continue that

Sherlock Holmes English nonsense?”



“Sorry boss, its just that I never really understand why you picked

me to be your assistant? I had no qualifications but still you picked me.”



“Mr. Dilbert, I picked you because you were the only person who

wouldn't snap back at me for making a point. You would actually listen and

take in what I was saying.”



“Oh.”



Dilbert looked back at the body outline and placed his Popsicle

back inside his mouth. I could tell he was almost done with it because loud

slurping noises were now audible coming from his mouth. I diverted my

attention from the moving Popsicle stick and back to the episode at hand. This

was when I put forth my second point to Mr. Dilbert.



“He wasn't penetrated in any way. It had to have been something

either injected into him or some kind of natural death. But why there is no sign

of a struggle or harsh force is beyond my mind. Its almost like he knew the

thing was coming and yet he didn't make any struggle to get away?”



Dilbert pulled his Popsicle out. “Maybe he didn't understand the

danger when the object was coming. Then when it did come it totally flattened

him and he never knew it was coming.”



I stood up. “Dilbert you might be right. The only logical way a lad of

his age and agility could ever be thrown down and killed would be through

surprise. The killer must have never been a danger until he or she struck.”



“Or it.” The manager of the store having heard our last remark

pipped in.



“It!?!?”



Well we have been having some strange sitings nearby. We

believe that possibly that Michael was visited by something.



I laughed on the inside. An alien attacking a Burger Queen bus

boy! HA! That was as likely as that fruit company ever getting off the ground

against Microsoft. HA! Still...there still was that chance but I was never one to

let it get the best of me.



After some very interesting time exploring the scene of the crime,

taking fingerprints, reading the joke on the back of the finished Popsicle stick

from Dr. Dilbert, and finally getting the video security tape from Burger Queen I

finally settled down at my desk at home to put the pieces together. I had just

finished the outline of my 500 piece jigsaw puzzle when a knock on the door

awakened me.



“Mr. Dilbert would you get that please?”



As my voice drifted no reply from Dilbert reached my ears. Odd, I

thought to myself. Normally he is here at 5;00.



"Mr. Dilbert?!?!”



More silence. Oh, I remember now, Mr. Dilbert always got the third

Wednesday of every 4th month of every 5th year off. He was probably out

playing spin the bottle or something English. I rose from my chair and my

puzzle and went to the door. There on the ground was a large package. I

picked it up examining the outside. It had a weird yellowish glow to it...i really

couldn't make out what it was like. I brought the package inside and opened

it. I peered inside before I grabbed the contents just in case. Something rather

large, smooth, and round was in the corner of the package. I quickly poured

out the item onto my desk. It almost looked like a fat Frisbee as it sat on my

desk but as I watched it it began to glow a bright blue. It scanned my face and

with a...



“Populous #113-AGR-5892 Detected”



...went black pulling all of the electricity in the house with it. The

entire room went black. I could feel myself being mystified and freaked out

about my new find but at least it knew what it was doing?!?! Right???



A projected image suddenly appeared from the disk now on the

floor due to me kicking it off my desk. It projected a man standing in front of a

large room of computers. He wore dark shade glasses that obstructed his

eyes. He also wore a black suit in which were a couple of wires going towards

to head and back down to his waist. He looked like everything a secret agent

should look like.


“D113. This is a message from the Universal Government Facility

of Orlando. We understand you are currently investigating a murder case at a

local Burger Queen restaurant. We would like to advise you to stop any further

action into the case as it is already known to the government and solved. The

poor boy was infiltrated by a test droid of the government known as “squishy”.

This device was accidentally lost due to a careless janitor and just happened

to be in the accidental perimeter of the victim last night. We would like you to

stop following the case and to allow us to explain the entire situation and how

it happened.”



The screen quickly changed to a TV screen showing the victim

Michael Venispuchii (spelled with two I's) walking into the deserted Burger

Queen shop the previous night. He had arrived some fifteen minutes after the

store had closed which was his typical way of doing his job. He quickly

changed clothes into the “clean wear” and went into the back to get some

stuff. The screen quickly adjusts to 20 minutes later. Michael now getting

ready to do the final go round before closing for the night is dreaming in the

corner. The screen through its technology advances showed the dreams just

as Michael had envisioned them. In his dream he was a noble knight. The

dream showed him defeating a dragon and winning the hand of a fat (no not

fair) lady. He then envisioned himself being a king with lots of populous

celebrating his 50th year of reign. He sighed and with a rather abrupt start

rose from his seat and walking back to the counter retrieved his mop and

scrubber. The scrubber as it was known was just simply a sponge. But not

just any ordinary sponge, no, this sponge had durable metal lacing on the

back and the Ultima-Stain Remover-Patented-Technologically-Advanced-

sponge on the back. Taking these objects he began to go to every table and

checking them. Occasionally he would stop and sighing heavily bend over and

sweep something away or taking his “sponge” (what did you expect me to say

Ultima-Stain Remover-Patented-Technologically-Advanced-sponge again??)

and quickly wipe away a “stain”. He had just finished and was locking the back

door when it happened. From a window opened for no reason a little green

blob bounded into the room. Michael whistling as he exited the front door

happened to look up just as the blob bounded onto the very first most table in

clear sight of Michael. The young lad looking up noticed the bright green spot

and peering closer as if he didn't believe his eyes sighed even more heavily

and searching his pockets brought back his set of keys. Grumbling as he

placed the right key in the lock he entered back into the restaurant. He

marched into the back and getting his sponge came back out to the spot. He

quickly did a swipe at the spot but as he looked down he noticed that it was

still there.



“Strange?!?!” Michael could be heard muttering to himself. “Must

be a really nice stain”



The TV then moved to behind the counter as Michael

contemplating what device a tough stain should require finally decided on the

metal removal brush. He quickly sprinted out and approached the stain.

Placing his brush on the stain he moved the brush quickly back and forth over

it. After about 15 seconds of this he stopped and peering down suddenly

became aggravated as the stain was still there!!



Stomping back to the kitchen he quickly selected one of the heavy

duty cleaners. He marched back into the dining area and spritzing the stain

three or four times again applied the brush. After some 30 seconds of furious

scrubbing and muttering he stopped and cautiously peered over the cleaning

equipment. The green stain was STILL THERE!!! Going out of his mind the lad

raced into the kitchen. There he accidentally slipped and slammed straight

into the grill. The unconscious lad lay on the kitchen floor for about 5 minutes.

When he awoke he suddenly remembered his most favored desire...to be a

knight! Quickly putting on some tinfoil and grabbing a nearby spatula

he “reared” his horse and charged down upon the stain. Striking the stain

directly under the vital spot he thrust his spatula into the stain. The stain

hardened by the stain removal liquid and constant beatings easily thwarted

the spatula sending the knight crashing into the wall. Outside an old lady at

that moment had cardiac arrest as she saw a young man in tin foil go

crashing into the glass wall inside of the Burger Queen restaurant. (She was

quickly emitted to the crazy asylum the following morning when she told the

doctors what she had seen.) The young lad slowly rose to his feet and by now

quite befuddled decided to just continue charging. Five times the young lad

charged and five times he either broke a chair, broke a spatula, or broke a toe

nail in the harsh landing. The TV then showed twenty minutes later as the

young lad now totally exhausted from the constant charging was sitting on the

chair in front of the stain with his spatula poised to strike. His head was

sagging and with a quick dip he fell asleep. His spatula struck the stain and

with a quick yet slow movement actually brought the up from the table. The lad

looking at the spatula with the stain on it suddenly jumped up and dancing

around the table like an Indian at a powwow cheered loudly. He quickly threw

the stain into the trash can nearby and turning around walked towards the

door. Just as he was locking the door he happened to look up and notice that

every single table in the room had little green stains covering them. A quick

heart attack brought him to heavens gates...




Thus ended my case with the green globs or stains whichever you

prefer. The government thereby retired me due to me now knowing about their

secret project. They decided to send me to a lovely place known to them as

retire-rich retire-crazy or to the public as Alcatraz. Its a lovely place with hardly

any windows but loads of iron chains and really friendly people...you should

visit someday or even better join us...there are casino card games every friday.


Your Humble Servant-D113
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