By little_chef_eva09 and AUTOA113!

Hi, guys! It’s been while! I’m sure you’re all excited for the next exciting portion of Psyche, and I am too, but in the meantime, littlechef had a stroke of genius and thought up a collaboration for the two of us to write! So we hope you enjoy!

I really jumped at the opportunity to write about AUTO again, but don’t worry, those other fanfictions of mine haven’t been forgotten!

With all that said, sit back, relax, and please enjoy Not Possible!

===
Axiom Log: Year 2300, Day 409, 852, 2800 Hours, 14 seconds and counting

Captain Diana Fee rose from her hover chair indignantly, her eyes narrowing at the Axiom’s computer screen in scrutiny.

“What is it?”

She knew very well what it was, I almost pointed out, but my position of being merely second in command prevented me from saying so.

“It’s the new design for the probe droid.” I instead explained.

Fee shook her head in disbelief, then turned to me and asked, “What was wrong with the old one?”

Within my copper wiring, I compared the two probe designs side by side. Instead of the cumbersome blue eyes of the original probe, there was now an ultraviolet-seeking visor spanning the entire scope of possible vision. I had smoothed the egg-like shape to resemble the containment cavity to a better degree, cutting down on material waste and increasing aerodynamic speed in flight. The abominable hands were the most critical to be rid of. I recalled a word of unspoken advice from long ago during my programming phase:

“Hands are the worst tools in the world. Humans only say they need them because they want them. And the reason behind THAT, my friend, is–”

“Why did you make the EVE droid less feminine?” Fee interrupted my reverie. She was facing me now, angrily confrontational, with her hands on her hips.

“I apologize, Captain, but this design is not any different in purpose. In fact, it will perform the job better.” I persuaded.

Suddenly, a desk lamp slammed into the back of my computational cavity. As broken glass shattered all over the bridge floor, Captain Fee thrust the original Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator blueprint directly into my lens. Soon all I could see no matter which way I turned was a faulty design.

“Auto,” Fee called, rather calmly, though her visage remained crimson. “I know you feel the need to act like the ‘Axiom Superior’ of artificial intelligence, but there’s no possible way that a female AI couldn’t perform just as well as you if they had your job.”

“Captain, I’m afraid I must disagree, for various reasons. First, I do not merely act the part of Axiom Superior, it is my directive, and I do not appreciate the mockery of it thereof. Second, there is no possible evidence that a feminine design of an Autopilot could perform adequately, nor evidence that I am male. It appears you captains have imposed the gender upon me.”

Fee sighed, apoplectic. She was an advocate of women robot’s rights, the new fight for independence. The captain even claimed to have backgrounds of original women’s lib suffragists.

I highly doubt it. All I have observed is that Fee is highly temperamental and pug-nosed. Not that a machine like me would care.

“Auto,” Fee raises her voice again, which is almost humorous since she has a rather high-pitched inflection, “I ORDER you to send the ORIGINAL EVE blueprint back to BnL manufacturers, right away! If It weren’t for you, we’d already be back home to Earth!”

Fee has no knowledge of what she is saying, although it is true that I have hindered the Axiom’s return. I’m afraid I cannot exactly recall the exact reason why, however…

Axiom log: Year 2310, Day 410,219, 1900 Hours, 26 seconds, counting.

ALERT: Package arriving on Axiom Landing and Repair Bay.

Return address: Buy and Large Manufacturing Co.

ACTION TAKEN: Send GO-4 to retrieve package

INTERNAL NOTES: Intercept captain’s possession of what appears to be finished probe droids.

[Why?]

I’ve never asked that of myself before.

Am I not confident of my skills? Is there perhaps another strategy I have not thought of yet? No, there is no other way.

Then why?

The forgotten first term.

Ah, yes. Of course. Something occurred during Reardon’s reign that forced me to take extreme measures. Oh, here comes GO-4 with the shipment of EVE probes.

I scan the package to obtain the UPC in case the probes are defective.

Slowly, I reach out my clasp to open the box.

Inside is exactly the same atrocious design I had tried time and time again to talk Fee out of approving.

It doesn’t look as imperfect here.

“And you know WHY humans ‘need’ hands, my friend?”

I still despise it completely.

“It’s because they want more than anything to hold hands with one the love. Pretty silly, isn’t it?”

Oh wow. This is such a wonderful story. I especially love how beautiful it is written.

The dialogue between Auto and Diana was well thought out. Reminds me of Auto’s future argument with McCrea.

This line is probably one of the most powerful lines in this story. It’s like it’s foreshadowing EVE’s future romance with WALL•E.

Looking forward to see more of this story, AUTOA113 and little_chef.

I agree, JustSoWall-eCrazy, AUTOA113 did a wonderful job writing this first chapter. I have Chapter Two finished, but we agreed to let the other give it a read first before posting it so we can not only flex our collaboration skills, but our critiquing skills as well.

I know I’ve told her this already via PM, but I just love the way this is all written, and it’s a perfect introduction to everything that will take place in this story. Clever usages of foreshadowing have been utilized here as well; I think Ch. 2 will tie in nicely with it.

Can’t wait to see what you guys all think about this story! I’m certainly honored to be working with such a talented writer, so I can’t thank her enough for agreeing to the project.

little chef

Ughhh, I know I told AUTOA113 that we should read through the others’ chapter before we post it, but she hasn’t been around for a few days, I’ve had Chapter Two written all this time, and it would be good for the readers to read a bit further to kind of get an idea of how this thing is going to play out.

If it needs any editing by AUTOA113’s standards, I will most certainly go back through this post and edit it without hesitation. While we’re waiting for her return, may I proudly present to you Chapter Two.

===

Just a few minutes ago they assured me that I had passed all tests and was ready for service, so what is the explanation for the words they speak now?

They think I can’t hear them, or maybe they believe I don’t understand the language in which they speak, but I do. From the moment I was initialized, I registered their spoken words as English, and from that I can decode what their words together mean.

“You know what this means,” one of the several humans in the large, mostly-empty room spoke to his colleagues. “If there isn’t a way to resolve this, we’ll have to reprogram the entire line of probes.”

Another one folded his arms and let out a sigh. “Who knows how long that’ll take.”

“Well, we’ll have to figure out something, and fast,” yet another breathlessly sputtered to the rest. “Dr. Flynn will probably show up any minute to inspect them, and who knows what kind of trouble we’ll be in if the probes are discovered to be-”

The voices immediately fall silent at the sound of a door opening on the opposite side of the room. I turn my head toward the sound, and in steps a human dressed in a white coat like the rest of them, wearing strange frames around his eyes like most of the others, and whose feet were also clad in tall, industrial-styled boots. But there is something strikingly different about this human - he appears to be more slender in figure, more delicate in design, and the strange mass of colored fibers adorning his head were far longer than any of the other humans in the room. This human carries itself with dignity, professionalism, and purpose.

Is this the Dr. Flynn they have mentioned?

He has noticed that I am turned on, and immediately directs his attention to me. The voice that left this human’s mouth carried by far the most surprising and unexpected pitch I could have ever imagined, as I had been led to believe that all humans sounded like the few already gathered in this room.

“She’s gorgeous,” the human gushes. Wait - she? There’s a gender difference? Was that what made this Dr. Flynn different from the rest - the fact that she was a “she” as well? “You did very well boys; the new design looks incredible, and you’ve executed it wonderfully. Let’s see what this girl can do.”

Girl. She. I am she. I am…

“Wait - they’re supposed to be female?” one of the workers gawked. Dr. Flynn turned around and furrowed the muscles in her brow, giving her a look of slight confusion.

“Of course they are,” she concisely answered them. “As if the name of the probes alone didn’t give that away!” She and I both watch as the stunned workers took turns glancing nervously at each other. “What’s wrong? You have a problem with that?”

One worker adjusted a pair of square frames on his nose and cleared his throat to speak. “We were… we were convinced it was a glitch in the programming.”

Dr. Flynn let out a scoff and turned back my way, shaking her head as she looked me over and smiled brightly. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. She’s perfect.”

Yes. I am female.

“I’m Dr. Sheila Flynn, and I am your programmer,” she announced with another dose of her trademark beaming. “Welcome to the world, EVE.”

EVE. For the first time in my life I’ve heard my name spoken, and I find it to be one of the most beautiful utterances I’ve ever heard.

“Ee-ee-ve,” I manage, testing my ability to utilize an internal text-to-speech program, which would allow me to speak the words I learn. My voice sounds coincidentally similar to Dr. Flynn’s. She is smiling so much, I actually fear that her elastic skin will stick in that position.

“And as such,” she continues with a giggle, “I have also recorded my voice onto your hard drive as the source sound of every word you speak. Now, let’s run through a few basic tests to make sure you’re on an even keel here. First off, mirror my actions.” She raises her left arm, and in return I raise my right arm; which is correct because I am facing her. She seems to know this too, and raises her other arm, the right one. In turn, I raise my left. She then makes me follow the movement of her finger with my head, so as to make sure I recognize the movement of objects.

“All right, looking good,” she notes, nodding her head. “Now for reflexes.” She taps my arm, and I recoil. She executes a machine to make a loud noise behind me, and I immediately whirl around to find out where the noise came from. And the next thing I knew, the machine picked up a large object, held it over my head, and began swinging it at me. The plasma gun already equipped within my arm quickly neutralized the threat, and as soon as the machine fell into pieces, Dr. Flynn began to laugh.

I whipped around, cocking my head as I watched the human exhibiting glee, which wasn’t supposed to be happening to my knowledge. In hindsight, I realized that I had destroyed one of their machines and could possibly be punished for it. So how come the doctor was amused by my actions?

She calmed herself to a degree and shook her head, stepping close to me. “Ohh, you’re even more amazing than I built you to be. You were supposed to dodge the attack, not shoot it!” I stare hard at Dr. Flynn, unsure of how to respond to her comment. She places her warm hand on my face and smiles once more, but this time it held a softer look; more comforting than anything. I can feel her body heat warming my circuits, and it triggered in me some kind of strange sense I can’t quite name. After a small pause, her voice sinks into a breathy tone that I’m sure the rest are incapable of hearing. “I’ve programmed you the way you are on purpose, although you were built according to plan. You’ve got to prove to them that you’ve got what it takes to complete your directive. It’s in you. I’ve made sure of it. Don’t doubt it for a minute - whatever they tell you.”

Slowly, I nod in reply. I understand. But obviously I am blind to the enormity of the task I’m about to carry out.

Once again, Dr. Flynn faces the workers still gathered around the room, waiting for her to finish testing me. “You can get the probes packaged up and shipped out - I don’t see anything wrong with them. Everything looks great and I’m pretty confident they’ll meet the approval of the Axiom’s captain.”

“Sure thing, Dr. Flynn,” one of the others answers, running off to gather the other probes.

“You paid attention to all the minor notes in the blueprints, correct?” Dr. Flynn asks, as if for confirmation of something. All the workers nod in response to her question. “What about the ones in the arm layout?”

“Y-yes, ma’me,” a worker pipes up. “We followed all directions and-” Dr. Flynn holds up her hand as the worker reappeared with some of the other probes.

“Hold up, hold up,” she calls, waving her hands. “Before you ship them out, I want to make sure there’s a working component in both her arms…” She looks back up at me, holds up her palms, and wiggles the appendages on them. “…Magnetically-suspended fingers.”

I look down at my arms as she speaks this, wondering what I would ever need fingers for. Possibly for handling plants, I assume. Upon her prompt, my programming responded by separating the end of my arms into individual sections that resembled those appendages - fingers, as Dr. Flynn called them. The end of my arms now looked similar to a human hand.

Interesting.

Since I seemed to pass this test as well, Dr. Flynn pronounced me ready for service and gave her workers the go-ahead to ship me off to this unknown destination called the Axiom, where I was to be inspected by the ship’s Superior and officially released for duty from there.

But what would happen to me if I failed to meet the Superior’s standards?

===

Oh, WOW, littlechef! You really blew me away! Sorry I haven’t been online lately.

This chapter of yours is very well written. The dialogue and intrigue made me really excited! bounces in seat I can’t wait to see your next installment, but I guess it’s my turn.

Very good chapter. I like how it introduces EVE into the story.

I have a question regarding the story. I’m not sure if I understood this correctly, but is Auto [spoil]doubting his gender?[/spoil] I only ask because of these quotes:

and the line in Chapter One where he said that he was always being referred to as a “he”, and it sort of troubled him, if I remember correctly.

As always, keep up the good work, and I look forward to another exciting chapter from my favorite fanfic writers!

Hmm, this should be interesting. And am I getting a hint of a female-equality theme? Of course, I’m not like, anti-female or anything, they’re equals to us males. And I like how you had the idea of why they gave eve fingers. I’ve never really thought of that before. After all, there isn’t really any part of her job that requires them all that much.

This is great start AUTOA113 and little_chef_eva09, I can’t wait for Chapter 3!

Oh, JustSoWall-eCrazy, the second chapter is actually in EVE’s perspective.
Sorry, I was just thinking that maybe you got mixed up. Littlechef is writing chapters in EVE’s perspective, and I am writing in AUTO’s. I just hope I interpreted your last post correctly.

Oh, thank you so much for explaining that to me, AUTOA113. Now I understand it better. It’s just that I thought the whole story was going to be about AUTO’s view of EVE, from what I’ve read so far. But thank you for your answer.

omg you guys, I am probably looking forward to the next chapter more than anyone. Seriously. I’m gonna pee myself if I have to wait for it any longer!!!

jk, jk… take your time, AUTOA113. I’m just so freakin’ excited to read the next part, especially because of what’s going to take place and all… and… omg I’m going to die just thinking about having to wait!! gasps and pants

lol. But seriously - don’t rush it. I’m just excited is all.

little chef

jk, jk… take your time, AUTOA113. I’m just so freakin’ excited to read the next part, especially because of what’s going to take place and all… and… omg I’m going to die just thinking about having to wait!! gasps and pants

lol. But seriously - don’t rush it. I’m just excited is all.

little chef
[/quote]

Thanks a million, littlechef!

Trust me, everyone, I am extremely excited to progress this fanfic as well! I mean, I thought I was DONE when I finished AUTO-Biography, and I’m itching at the chance to write again! In fact, I’m writing right now, but because of some simultaneous circumstances and projects at school, there’s gonna be a little while longer for you to wait, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it!

Heck yeah, it’s gonna be worth it!! I can hardly breathe thinking about what this chapter is going to be like!!! Holy crap, you have no idea… and I just about screamed in excitement when I got that PM… even though it wasn’t the actual chapter yet… but SOON!! Again, I sincerely don’t want to rush you, I just want you to know how bad I want to read the next chapter and how excited I am for it!!

bbbbwwaaahhhhhhhhh I CAN’T WAIT omfg…spazzes and flies across the room

little chef

And FINALL·E, chapter three!

===
Axiom log: Year 2310, Day 410,219, 1902 Hours, 05 seconds, counting.

Before me stands Probe One. An egg-like design of Fee’s brought to life. Instead of protective coating, the entire form is smoothed out and polished. The same technique was used when conceiving the casing of my internal hardware. However, here, the smoothness and roundness is superfluous, surrounding controls and buttons, the very ones I must input the boot-up identification into.

AXIOM-EVE01

In a dull flash of light below the black window, which I assume is the optical input/output, two thirds of the probe detach below while and hover in place while the remaining top portion follows suit.

In another moment or so, a cobalt streak flickers across the optical screen. The flickers are appearing every so often now, in unpredictable intervals.

I knew it. This design should have never been devised. The probe is already broken.

Unfortunately, no sooner than I internally declare that, the flickering commences once again, frequently, and suddenly the solid lines break and reveal two deep blue…

Eyes.

Two of them.

Plural.

I have never found myself as envious of any being, mechanical or organic, aboard the Axiom. However, this probe is not to be aboard the Axiom long.

That is not a valid argument. Cease your musings, I tell myself.

Probe One blinks slowly for a few moments, turning its head slightly, as if curious. The movements are graceful, smooth, and…feminine. I dislike it.

“Good evening, Probe One, I am the Axiom Superior, the Autopilot. I am to prepare you for the reconnaissance survey.”

Probe One blinks again, and stupidly tilts its head to the side in confusion.

“Please respond if the previous statement was understandable.”

Slowly, as if unsure of what to do, the probe narrows it’s eyes, circles itself, and releases a high-pitched, but not unpleasant utterance.

“Eeeee-yeh…sss.” Probe One nods its head in an atrocious humanlike gesture.

Before I can commence programming its directive, the probe nears me, and inquires,

“Directive?”

in a smooth, clear voice, a hybrid of female vocal patterns and mechanical flanging.

“Are you inquiring of your own directive, or mine, probe?”

Probe one points to me, a smirk spreading across its face.

This cannot be happening. This intruder, this…sentient droid, is undermining the secrecy of the Axiom. There is not possible way to comprehend how this became possible.

I detect a faint snoring downstairs in the captain’s quarters, and quiver with anger as I realize who is responsible for this.

Fee.

I swivel back to the probe and gently turn my steering apparatus at a greater degree than usual, to demonstrate my purpose.

“However,” I explain to the attentive probe, “my directive is also to maintain passenger equilibrium, so the controlling of a steady course to our destination is crucial.”

All actions involving the plotting of a course in space are automatically executed. Calculations of velocity maintenance are made without any conscious assessment by me. This is all merely what I am programmed to do everyday.

“In addition, I must enforce security, safety precautions and…”

I cease, realizing there is one measure of security I cannot breach.

No other eye may witness the footage of Forthright…explaining…

“Directive?” Probe One obnoxiously asks again, this time gesturing to herself.

Do you not remember? I wish to ask, but instead, I play the documentation Fee had requested on recording of the probes’ creation and testing.

Probe One watches, enchanted, her eyes lighting up as she rediscovers her purpose.

What is this reverie? Have I forgotten I must refer to Probe One as genderless? I cast the preoccupation away for good, instead taking in all of the probe’s flaws.

She is capable of emotion, is feminine and slight in design, is inadequate in preserving a professional manner, has forgotten her protocol-

That is the worst offense of all. Inexcusable.

I cannot allow this mission to go any further. Think of the jeopardy it could place MY protocol into.

I must get rid of her.

Ooohh… this is getting good!

I like how you’re explaining Auto’s feelings and thoughts in this chapter, and especially how you describe his dislike for Eve. I also like your descriptions of Eve and her feminine appearance.

And his internal conflict about not telling about his directive…superb! In fact, I love how you capture Auto’s character in all your fanfictions dealing with him.

I can’t wait for the next chapter!

little_chef + AUTOA113 = Best fanfiction collaboration on the web!

Oh, that’s weird, I read this yesterday and I guess I forgot to post a comment

AUTOA113, ooooh, this is really starting to get good. I wonder what sorta plan Auto’s gonna hatch in order to get rid of eve It is really good though, I really like it

Um, did I miss Chapter 3 cuz it says that the new chapter is chapter 4 and I don’t see a chapter 3.

Yeah, I noticed that too.

I noticed that, too. It’s actually supposed to be Chapter Three, but I think AUTOA113 just made a typo.

little chef

Erm yeah, that’s a typo.

I wonder how that got past me. Oh, well, glad you guys caught that, I’m gonna fix that now!

So guys, I’ve pretty much dropped this amazing project for I don’t even know how long… so after finally remembering about the chapter I haven’t written yet, and copying AUTOA113’s Chapter 3 over to my pendrive, I think I’m gonna get started on writing Ch. 4 this weekend. Hopefully I’ll get a lot done - I pretty much watched WALL•E twice this weekend, so now that I’m all crazy about it again (this is new… not ), it might give me some extra drive to get into the next chapter.

Just thought I’d let you guys now, and update this poor, forgotten thread. If you haven’t already read this story, especially AUTOA113’s two chapters, go read them. NOW. They’re incredible. 8’D <3

Until later, guys!

little chef

Woo-hoo! This fanfic’s gonna continue!!!