^Thanks for that. Now I can never watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame again without throwing up.
Haha hilarious. THese reviews are all hilarious.
This review of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never on IMDb made me laugh:
This is a piece of three dimensional candy that you can literally taste with your eyes. I have washed my clothes several times since this experience and they are still crispy. The only thing i don’t understand is “why can’t I see anything else?”. Please listen to me. That face, it’s all I see. I close my eyes and he is there. I dream and every character in my dream is him. I’m getting used to it but driving is still hard. Also, sometimes I put a nail into a bowl of water to make the tones descend to a place where I stop tasting blood. If I ever get out of here I am going to melt down my wax fingers and stop pointing at the sky without having something where the river is electric and another when the time says it is supposed to be.
imdb.com/title/tt1702443/usercomments
Leirin
June 29, 2011, 6:09pm
#28
^That is one of the most humorously pathetic things I’ve ever read.
rottentomatoes.com/m/winnie_ … id=1978420
This one about Winnie the Pooh. It doesn’t exactly crack me up, but instead make me sad.
So basically he’s always had a negative opinion of Winnie the Pooh. Shame, I remember an old VHS of The Honey Tree I used to watch.
That one just angered me a little.
I’m sorry to bump this topic, but I just felt I HAD to post this review here. It’s perfect for this topic. It’s a bad Amazon review of Finding Nemo, well not exactly a review, but more of a rant of the things that went wrong during his viewing experience. I don’t know whenever to take it seriously or not. I guess the review itself is gone since I can’t find it anywhere, but a blog managed to back it up.
I took my neighbor’s kid to see this a while back. This movie pretty much ruined my night, and I will tell you how. We went to the theatre on a Friday night while I was babysitting (he was like 4 years old at the time by the way).
It was a little warm out so I stopped and got us each a Big Gulp. That was my first mistake. This kid drank an entire Big Gulp of Mountain Dew on the way to the theater (which I later realized contains a very high level of caffiene which he is not allowed to have). He said he didn’t have to go to the bathroom before the movie, so I guess you can see where this is going. The theater itself was absolutely freezing, and this kid complained about it the entire time.
The movie was a little boring and looked really fake. You could tell it wasn’t real and was just a bunch of silly puppets, but he was only 4 so I guess he bought it (I hope he doesn’t really think fish can talk). Bla Bla Bla, the fish gets lost or whatever, lots of talking, then BAM! Shark Attack, and the kid screams and immediately proceeds to dive under the chairs, and come back up with his pants soaking wet. Great, kid. You said you didnt’ have to go BEFORE the movie, so now you decide to go DURING the movie. Later on the movie whipped this kid up into a caffiene frenzy, and he takes off his wind-breaker and starts whipping it around his head, and it hit this kid behind us and the zipper tagged him in the ear. The other kid’s mom gave me a dirty look, so I tried to explain that my neighbor’s kid wasn’t very smart because he is only 4, but then I didn’t want to start an argument so I held back my tongue.
The worst part actually came when the movie was finally over and we went out to eat at McDonalds. I thought it would be cute to order the kid a fish sandwich since we just saw a movie about fishes. He took a couple of bites and asked why it tasted so bad, so I simply told him what it was. So then the kid, no joke, starts throwing up all of his fries, and what I guess was a whole lot of mountain dew all over the chair and the floor. Then he gets seriously mad at me and does the now-vomit-covered-windbreaker frenzy. He was mad because he thought I was trying to get him to eat one of the fishes in the movie or whatever. He refused to clean it up or eat the rest of his sandwich so I just took him home.
We tried to have a discussion about the difference between his sandwich in the movie, but he simply said “I hate you” (great argument, kid). In conclusion I would NOT reccomend this movie due to my awful experience with this bratty kid. Also, as I mentioned earlier it looks kind of fake. Later
Hilarious! He advices everyone else to avoid it just because HE had a bad experience watching it! Comedy gold.
amazon.com/gp/richpub/syltgu … 7MN1EDKGZ7
Ballboi
January 28, 2012, 8:42pm
#33
Any reviews by Armond White gets a laugh out of me.
^ Ha! I heard the place he wrote for is gone now.
Geoff , that is a pretty silly and hilarious review you found!
Ballboi
January 29, 2012, 3:20am
#35
Yep. I just find it funny how he gives every critically aclaimed film he’s seen a negative review.
^ And gives Positive reviews to Movies that generally get negative reviews.
Ballboi
January 29, 2012, 12:39pm
#37
Exactly. That makes me to believe what he thinks of Cars 2 since it was a critical disappointment.
That very humorous review of Finding Nemo brings up an interesting point–when the review is so bad it cracks you up, it might be a “fake” written to achieve the comic effect. Back in the 80s, a review of Stanley Kubrick’s film The Shining appeared (can’t remember the author, but it might have been Tom Shales) in The Washington Post. The review stated with deadly certainty that The Shining was absolutely a metaphor delineating the extermination of Native Americans. The evidence cited was quite extensive. To this day, folks who know about the review can’t say whether it was for real or contrived to demonstrate how reviewers can basically come up with anything they want. Maybe it stemmed from a sense of dry, deadpan humor…who knows?
In general, crack-me-up reviews are the ones that get their facts wrong and badmouth the movie based on the erroneous “facts”…and there are far too many of those to count.
Same Geoff found is hilarious
My god, I was looking on IMDb and found this review of A Bug’s Life. He’s comparing the premise of the movie to terrorism and making out like the grasshoppers are the good guys. Just read this.
I can’t believe how prophetic A Bug’s Life really was. After watching it the other day it was just like, wow. Dead on. You might not understand what it all means right away so allow me to explain…
Clearly the ants represent Iran and the rest of the Middle East . All they do is hoard their food (oil) and refuse to give it all to the grasshoppers. The grasshoppers just want to earn an honest living. How can they do that without the stuff the ants are gathering? It really isn’t fair. So what to the grasshoppers do? Take what’s rightfully theirs by force. Why can’t the ants see that it’s the right thing to do?
So instead of doing the right thing a renegade ant named Flik (clearly Osama Bin Laden) assembles an army of mercenaries (Al Qaeda) to “protect their homeland”. This group of terrorists for some reason can’t appreciate anything the grasshoppers have done for them so they try to slaughter every last one. And for what? Can’t they see how that’s the way things are supposed to be. This is just another piece of propaganda from the America hating Hollywood elites , although the animation was incredible and the characters were so cute. But still, boycott this movie at once.
I couldn’t stop laughing when he compared Flik to Osama Bin Laden and the circus bugs to Al Qaeda. It can’t be serious, right?
That is… awful! The Magnificent Seven and Seven Samurai . Those must have been commentating on conflict in the Middle East as well.
Definitely Chester A. Bum’s review of Follow That Bird.
That’s like the greatest review ever. Seriously, I literally laughed out loud.
I just watched that review of Follow That Bird the other day. It was pretty funny.
And the movie’s from 1998, too. Nevermind that it’s based off The Magnificent Seven and Seven Samurai. Those must have been commentating on conflict in the Middle East as well.