From the Weenie and the Butt radio show: “HEY SEXAAAY GIIIRLFRIEND!”
TV announcer: “It’s the [bleep] Van [bleep] Show!”
“Scientists have determined that the universe was created by [Gooooooooooood]-g Bang.”
“He’s a fake - his cowboy hat comes right off!”
Peter: “It was terrible. Everyone else there had some big important job and was way more successful than me.”
Brian: “Hey, come on, you have a great job.”
Stewie: “Yeah…[Stuttering]…you’re doing gooood.”
Oh boy, there are so many that I really liked, it is really hard ro recall them all and put them in one post. I can’t think of a favorite one right now.
Chris - “Cheesy Charlies is cool, dad, they have a game where you put a dollar in and it gives you 4 quarters, I win every time!”
“Dear Mr.Weed, I can’t come to work today. My family has died in a terrible plane crash and I am a vegetable…I’ll see yah at work tomorrow.”
A-well-a everybody’s heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a don’t you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a…
A-well-a everybody’s heard about the bird
Bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a don’t you know about the bird?
Well, everybody’s talking about the bird!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird…
Surfin’ bird
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb… [retching noises]… aaah!
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom
Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow
Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow
Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow
Well don’t you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
[repeat to fade]
Peter: "Oh my god, Brian, there’s a message in my Alphabits. It says, “Oooooo.”
Brian: “Peter, those are Cheerios.”
Dude, I have so many! In fact I have one in my sig right now! Although I’m not sure how many of them i can get away with quoting here, if you know what I mean 
Here’s one:
Stewie (talking to Brian): Let’s see, something good, something good. You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile. Where you need improvement: You have smelly dog farts…
Lawyer: “so what are your demands?”
Head of the Maids Union: “We need more lemon Pledge”
lawyer: “You need more lemon Pledge?”
Head of the Maids Union: “yes”
lawyer: “We’re not responsible for that, you should just bring it yourself”
Head of the Maids Union: “nnnnoooooo”
Peter(to Brian): Oh my god… You can talk!
Always gets me 
Black Knight: “You see kids, your father is nothing but a fizzle!”
Peter: “Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it! Except for that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran away, he got away with it. But most of the people who call me a fizzle don’t get away with it! Actually he was the only guy to ever call me a fizzle, but after today only half the people who have ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it!”
I love that fizzle line! Imagine calling someone a fizzle and seeing what reaction they would have…
Here’s a good one:
Brian: You’re asking if they ever did a Sesame Street where the Count kills somebody and sucks out their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah
Brian: No, they’ve never done that.
I don’t watch “Family Guy” very often, but I have heard the word.
lennonluvr9 - I have taken on your challenge of calling someone a fizzle. And that Count line is the funniest. I also like this similar quote of Brian’s when they visit Brown University:
Chris: “Ha-ha-ha! Brown is the color of poo.”
Brian: “Yes. Yes it is.”
Haha! Awesome! I might just call someone a fizzle too just as an experiment!
Peter: We do not want to tell Cleveland. That’s the last thing in the world we want to do…(sometime later) Well, that’s it. We’ve done everything in the world there is to do.
Chris watching a Blankity-Blanks-type TV show:
“Forgetful Freddy was so forgetful that whenever he tried to remember someone’s name, he drew a blank.”
Oh yeah! I loved that! That was actually a perfect spoof of the 1970s version of Match Game, which I sometimes catch on Game Show Network. That actually makes me think of a Price is Right one, but I cant repeat it here
Peter: What’s heaven like?
Nate Griffin: It’s fine. There’s a shortage of chairs
Peter: oh.
Nate: yeah…
Peter- Louis, when have we never communicated??
FLASH BACK
Louis- I love you Peter!
Peter- Ehh, about a quarter past 4.
“If gays want to be miserable like the rest of us, then I say we should let 'em.”-Peter
I love when Peter’s on the Wheel of Fortune!
Peter: “Z. 4. Q. Another Q. Uh. . . A third Q. And a Batman symbol.”
rofl That’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on Family Guy!!!
Later. . . Peter: “How much for the fat guy in the circle. I don’t see a price tag on that.”
Wheel of Fortune dude: “That’s you.”
Peter: “Oh, embarrassing.”
“I’m so hungry I could ride a horse.” - Chris
Overused in the TBS commercials, but I laugh every time.
And the “You’re nothing but a big phooonnnyyyy!” guy. Gotta love that.