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CHAPTER FOUR
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“Sam…are you ready?”
“Probably not, but who cares?”
“That’s the spirit! Atta boy! Let’s go hook this thing up!”
Crinkle kept repeatedly shouting various “Atta boy”s and “Let’s go”s all the way up the stairs. Sam just tried to keep up, the only sounds from him being some grunts and occasionally a short puff of air, signifying that Sam was not cut out for superhuman activity.
This, however, was different. The minute Sam was alone with Crinkle, the puckish little Russian-doll figure hatched a plan to celebrate his return, and to guarantee him and Sam a few jollies in the process as well. At first, Sam was reluctant, but he soon regretted rejecting the idea because no soon after he had said no had Crinkle welled up into violent, pathetic tears. The bawling wouldn’t stop until Sam agreed to execute the plan.
It was a good plan, besides. With a little wood from the firewood stockpile behind the house and a little craftsmanship from Sam (with surprisingly little help from Crinkle, though it was his plan and he was the most enthusiastic), Sam had rigged a little wooden raft like the ones he and Crinkle had enacted pirate adventures on. It was a symbol of their friendship, their mischievousness, and ultimately, a chance to remind the world that the two of them together were a fantastic pair. It even had an old skull-and-crossbones flag on its short, thick mast, where it would wave proudly once it was in motion.
The intention was to tie the raft at the top of the staircase, where Sam would wait until the signal was given. It was then Crinkle’s duty to descend the stairs (he preferred to slide down the banister, as it required no need for legs or feet) and head towards the kitchen, where Amy currently was. Crinkle would distract Amy until she had fully turned around and her back was facing the opened front door, out of her sight. Then Crinkle would give the signal, a loud, bizarre cough, and Sam would cut the rope, and send the raft out into the front yard, across the street, and would be in sight of all the neighbors in their yards doing yard work or relaxing, who were still oblivious to the fact that their leisure was soon to be disturbed by a four foot six inch land raft.
It helped that Amy’s house was expensive, and on a hill. That would help because the neighbors were highbrow and snooty, and would never expect the booby trap soon to occur. The slope of the road below Amy’s house ensured the swift travel of the S.S. WACKOO!!!,dubbed such by Crinkle.
“Their reaction’s gonna be PRICELESS!” Crinkle insisted during the trip up the stairs. “I swear to you, man, this will be the latest and greatest adventure by the incredible duo of Sam ‘n’ Crinkle yet! They’ll never forget it!” He added with a dramatic swing of his wing-arms.
“I hope I never forget it, either.” Sam muttered under his breath. Because inside his mind, Sam still felt a sense of loss, as if soon, something from his childhood he had spent his whole life carefully preserving would disappear. He shuddered.
The raft endured one last push, and the unstoppable pair of Sam and Crinkle had made it up the whole flight of stairs with their wooden partner in crime.
Crinkle started to adjust the angle of the S.S WACKOO!!! until he claimed it was aimed straight at the open doorway.
“I don’t know, Crinkle…it looks a little off. A LOT off. Are you sure it’s aimed properly? I don’t want anyone to get hurt. This thing could seriously harm-”
“This THING, as you call it, happens to be the S.S WACKOO!!!, Sam, and I assure you, it can survive anything.” Crinkle insisted, almost irritably. “This baby will not hurt a thing! I’ve got it aimed in a way that will make the result of this awesome prank much, much better. Trust me. I wont let ya’ down.”
Sam studied the face of his buddy, his best friend, his sidekick. The gleam in his eyes seemed sincere, or maybe something else. Whatever the case, Sam should have trusted Crinkle from the beginning. He shook his head to send all the suspicious thoughts away.
“Okay, then. You’d better get down to that kitchen and give the signal! Time waits for no one!” he shouted encouragingly, and offered his hand for a handshake.
Crinkle accepted the handshake as best as he could, considering his wing-like arms, gave Sam a look saying “Right on!”, and began his hammy descent down the banister. He had an agenda, and it would be completed.
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Within the gigantic expanse of the kitchen downstairs, Amy cooked up a storm. However, the kitchen never became humid, it was simply too large. There were marble counters all around the perimeter, with an island in the center for serving snacks, hors d’oeuvres, and breakfast to Sam.
Francesca usually did the cooking, but Amy preferred to broaden her skills and cook by herself at least once a week. Today she was making boeuf bourguignon.
She was perfectly content as she sang her and Sam’s song and poured the beef broth and red wine into the simmering steak pieces and veggies. She felt, in an oddly humble way, on top of the world, as if she was feeding all the world like an omnipotent mother, a goddess of food and simple joy.
“Nothing can stop you now…” She found herself singing in time to the acoustic tune of Sam’s younger days spent with her. She was…most definitely…on top of the world…
“Hey, Ayms! What’cha cookin’?”
On top of the world…
At least, she was until Crinkle walked in.
“Hello, Crinkle…” She said as diplomatically as possible. It didn’t help that she was chopping carrots with a butcher knife.
“So, whazzat smell? it’s really good.” He advanced in a slow, deliberate way, almost sauntering. How could you do that without any feet?
She knew he was trying to get to her. The look in his eyes was of a sinister nature. Sam couldn’t see it, but Amy was no fool.
But what did he want?
“So…boeuf bourguignon?” Crinkle asked, studying the recipe across the cutting table. “That sounds really nice, and…French.”
Oh, how Amy wanted to chop HIM up. In slow, deliberate movements. She imagined his beak as one of the carrots. Chop…chop…CHOP…
“I came down to ask you something…” Crinkle went on, ignoring the silence. “How did you learn to be such a great cook?”
Amy set down her knife and sighed. “All I know is I gotta keep stirring this stew meat and not let it burn. That’s all. Nothing special.”
Crinkle seemed smugly satisfied with the answer, almost as if he was happy to hear that Amy wasn’t a total prodigy at something.
Amy twitched. She had to think of something to stop this unnerving…THING…from pushing her over the edge. Slowly, she pushed a can of stewed tomatoes into Crinkle’s hands…or whatever those feathery, fingery things were called.
“Please open this can.” The words strained to come out coherently.
Crinkle sought out a can opener. “I hate tomatoes.” he grumbled as he slipped the can into position and it spun around.
“Well, then…” Amy said, catching the can and dumping its contents into the simmering mixture in the pot, “Don’t eat any.”
“It’s just…I feel so blasphemous now, after opening that can, like I betrayed my beliefs or something…” Crinkle admitted.
“There’s no religious prohibition on eating tomatoes or opening a can of them if you don’t like them. Lighten up.” said Amy.
Crinkle seemed not to hear what Amy told him. He nodded, but it seemed an absentminded nod, as if Crinkle was contemplating something more important than canned tomatoes.
But as soon as he opened the can and put it down on the counter, Crinkle whipped back around with a beaming smile. “Great! See you later!” He shouted in a freakishly cheery voice.
He went back up the stairs with a horrible series of coughs.
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Sam was waiting reluctantly at the top of the staircase. While he couldn’t hear what Crinkle and Amy were talking about, the conversation went far too long for Sam’s liking before Crinkle gave him the signal.
He untied the rope and let the S.S. WACKOO!!! set sail.
He watched it in awe for the graceful moments it spent gliding over the staircase, it’s momentum making it barely touch the ground. The flag rippled in majestic and comical abandon.
It sailed above the stairs…
Made an unexpected turn over the banister…
And made a crashing noise somewhere inside the kitchen.
Amy screamed. Sam would soon follow. He ran into the kitchen, Crinkle trailing hesitantly behind.
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Amy had taken full force of the blow, and she lay in a heap on the floor, leaning on the palm of one of her outstretched hands. The other one was limp, and her ankle was trailing blood. The slight possibility
that it could have been red wine wasn’t plausible.
“Amy!” Sam screamed over and over. He reached for her hand and kissed it several times, tears streaming down his face. “Amy! Amy! I’m sorry!”
Amy just sat there with an empty expression. She didn’t wince when Sam tested her injured limbs, didn’t react to his romantic and sad reassurances, but only sat there, vacant, holding it all in.
“No, Amy, I’m sorry. I thought I aimed it perfectly at the door. We were gong to launch it out into the street. I apologize. Are you hurt?”
Then Crinkle got the gall to talk.
The only thing in Amy’s power she do to in response to that was stare daggers at Crinkle and reply, “I. Hurt. EVERYWHERE. You’d better hope nothing’s broken. This is all your-”
Sam ran to her and took her hand. “Amy! Crinkle didn’t know! He’s really sorry! You know he wouldn’t hurt a fly…”
Amy just stared at Crinkle again, unblinking.
“Let me…get you a doctor…” And Sam ran over to the phone to make an appointment for Amy.
Behind Sam’s back, Crinkle turned over to Amy and stared right back at her with as much intensity as she used staring at him. He narrowed his eyes so his face almost seemed to say, “Good luck getting better.”
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Amy spent a week at the doctor. Nothing was broken, but she sprained her ankle. Her days at the hospital consisted of nothing but drinking milkshakes and playing rummy with her 96-year-old roommate.
It was such sheer madness and monotony that she almost had to stay extra days at the hospital for mental recovery. Sam had already had a hard time cooking up a story of how Amy got injured besides one that involved imaginary friends or runaway rafts. But the hospital released Amy on time as promised, and all seemed well.
In order to cheer Amy up, Sam took her to their favorite childhood hideout. Amy tried to convince Sam she could walk, but Sam insisted on carrying her anyway. It didn’t do much for her sanity. She went dizzy every time the thought crossed her mind that she was IN SAM’S ARMS.
Their hideout wasn’t exactly a traditional hideout, for there was no clubhouse, and the area was mostly wide open space. It was really just a hill or so, with some trees dotting the place every so often. All kinds of trees grew there: eucalyptus, pine, oak, maple, and ash. Amy called it “Dream Hills” when she was younger and Sam asked her to name the place.
Before today, she would have hated the name, but now, as she was in Sam’s arms as he carried her up the hill like a strong, sensitive hero, she knew her romantic dreams had come true.
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They sat at the summit of the highest hills, where some snow still lay. Amy was afraid of getting cold, but Sam put his jacket down for her to sit on. He didn’t mind sitting in the slush.
Amy just sat there waiting for Sam to say something. The silence seemed unbearable.
After what seemed like an eternity, Sam spoke.
“What do you believe in?”
It was a question that seemed out of place for Sam to ask, but Amy knew she should answer. It must have taken all his courage for Sam to ask that. Not that Amy knew why.
“I…believe in long baths and chocolate.” She started. When she saw that Sam was listening without a sign of stopping her, she continued. “And living life well, but in a way that will make sense later in your life. Like…it’s hard to explain, but a sort of uncomfortable life, but one where you find what you were looking for. It’s just that…you have to work for it, and then you’re happy.”
She turned to Sam and waited for his answer.
“Erm…I’ve always wanted a life where you don’t have to worry about anything…like you’re protected by whatever kind of force is watching over you. And you’ll never have to worry about losing your innocence or anything getting you down.”
His words were said with such strong belief that Amy ignored the fact that her philosophy and Sam’s were completely different.
“I know…” Sam continued, “That you’re probably thinking that we aren’t meant to be…that we’re too different, and we think different things…but…I don’t want to lose you. If I lost you…I’d…be stuck in a cold cave within myself. A place where not even Crinkle could drag me out of.
“I’ve never found love before you. I know that if I went out into the world…the way I am…no one would put up with me. I’m sorry you got hurt. I was devastated. I…don’t want you to get hurt again…not matter how little. I…I’ll protect you. Like I should have been doing. Like I would be able to as Pajama Sam. If the case ever came up, and I hope it never will…I’d…die for you.”
Sam’s proclamation of love hit Amy harder than even the S.S. WACKOO!!! Before she completely lost it, he reached out and patted her head. It wasn’t a truly romantic gesture, but between the two of them, it was deeply moving.
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Amy fell asleep on Sam’s soft, scratchy navy jacket, feeling the sense of innocent love and joy pulling her back to the days long ago…
Sam was playing near a stream, attempting to pull a small plank of wood out of the water. His arms were too stubby, so he was not successful.
He left the board in the water and crossed the bridge, only to run straight into a loop of rope. It tightened around his ankle and he was yanked upwards until he was at the same level with the trees.
The trees were customs, and stole his belongings, such as his lunchbox, Illuminator mark V Junior, and especially his beloved Pajama Sam mask.
After they had done their awful deed, the trees froze back into their normal tree-like state.
Sam dangled in the air, helpless. Meanwhile, a figure he could not see shimmied up the blueish tree to the right of him and climbed down the rope to pull him up. Sam only felt himself untying the knot that held him suspended in the air.
After he fell, the shadow ran away.
When Sam returned from his adventure in his closet, he went right to sleep.
In the morning, Sam went over to Dream Hills to play. But while he was trying to climb up one of the largest trees, his foot got tangled in some of the crooked branches. He struggled to break free, but the fall would be devastating if he tried any harder.
He called for help, but no one answered. He felt alone, and this time he knew he couldn’t make his way out of it.
He wasn’t Pajama Sam here.
He called one last time before giving up, a low, pathetic wail:
“Help…!”
It came as a shock to him when he was answered by a screeching:
“Don’t worry! I’m comin’! Stay right where you are!”
In a flash, a girl had appeared. She was running with so much zeal and speed that it was like she had been running her whole life. Her hair, which came to her shoulders, was shiny, and whipped along as she ran on. Her eyes and face were flawless for a little girl her age, contorted into a face of determination with the desire to reach her rescue mission: Sam.
He was in awe. He didn’t like love then, only friendship, but as soon as he saw her, he wanted to become best friends forever and always.
Maybe even get engaged.
When the girl finally made it, she stopped abruptly to catch her breath, then she scaled the tree. Her climbing was so swift and like second nature that Sam thought she was a monkey at first.
When she reached the top, she carefully pulled the branches away from Sam’s foot and caught him before he fell down.
“I’m Amy.” She grinned, as if this was the perfect time to introduce herself while being stuck in a tree holding somebody’s ankle.
“Sam.”
“Sam?” She repeated, pulling Sam up into the leafy part of the tree where she sat. He sat down, too. “Well, Sam, I jus’ KNOW we’re gonna be good friends! Whad’dya say?” She asked, reaching out with her hand.
Sam accepted the handshake, still dazed, but in a good way.
“Sure, Amy!”
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They laid on their backs watching the gray sky until it started to rain on them. As a fat raindrop landed on Sam’s cheek and splashed across his face, Amy quickly leaned over and kissed Sam on the cheek.
Each of them blushed the whole way home.
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