Afore-mentioned Credits:
First of all, you can thank my sister and I for being the crazy and daring idiots that we are to make up such stuff like this for the sake of alluring boredom out the door.
Secondly, credit goes to Dash for spurring me on to write this. 
For those of you who have seen Ratatouille, it is apparent that almost every character mentioned contains some intimate and note-worthy backround that makes their overall personalities and everyday lives more interesting. Some examples of this may be noted here:
[spoil]Colette - She had to work her way to the top of a competitive field in order to attain position at Gusteauās famed restaurant. Being the only woman in the said residence, it comes as no surprise that she carries around with her a tough and determined demeanor, despite the fact that her exterior really masks a rather sensitive and fluffy side to her apparently sure-fire personality.[/spoil]
[spoil]Lalo - Although he appears to take it slow and steady as far as sauce preparation goes, this African-American chef actually veils a rather prickly and spicy past. He was only twelve years of age when he departed from home to join the circus as an acrobat, a position he eventually lost when he was discovered āmessing aroundā with the ring masterās daughter.[/spoil]
[spoil] Linguini - Perhaps the most secretive of them all as far as back stories go, Linguini is not all he appears to be. Though his life started out as a garbage master and floor cleaner, his time in the spotlight finally arrived on the scene when it became known that he was the son of the famous French chef, Auguste Gusteau.[/spoil]
Due to the fact that back stories seem to pop up like weeds in a garden, my sister and I decided to add a little āflavor to the soupā, so to speakā¦
Itās not the first time that weāve spoofed something. Heck, we go out of our way to āreviseā almost each and every film we come in contact with, including Star Wars, the Lord of the Rings films, various Disney productions, and, of course, Pixar creations. Ratatouille had no chance of escaping our ever-present net.
Henceforth, we decided to spoof up Ratatouille. This is the only story weāve been able to come up with so far (though there will be more, I assure you):
[i]Skinner could possibly be one of the most noteable villian in the list of Pixar antagonists, and my sister and I privately agree with this presumption. We also have come to the conclusion that the dude must be some sort of monkey, judging by his looks and ājumpyā mannerisms. Heck, we thought he was an ape of some sort from the very beginning. So, we thought up thisā¦āback-storyā:
Skinner is actually an escape monkey-in-hiding, although no one in Gusteauās restaurant knows of this. Apparently, during his years in a local French zoo, Skinner, even as a monkey, was a great admirer of Gusteauās, and dreamed of working in the grand chefās five-star restaurant one day.
He decided to put his plan into action by attempting to escape from the zoo and begin a journey that would take him to the cafeā, and so, one evening, as his zoo-keeper opening the door to his cage, Skinner escaped and ran off into the depths of the zoo, searching for means of escape. Unfortunately, he somehow ended up in the lab area of the zoo, in which some scientists were preforming some āhumanistic-enhancerā test that would virtually turn animals into people, albeit demented ones. (Just try to image the Sandmanās transformation in Spider-Man 3 all over again, folks, only in Skinner-/Ratatouille-style. Hehehā¦) Skinner the monkey somehow became entangled in the midst of the experiment and became transformed into the human version of him that you see in the final film. The scientists themselves never new what had happened until it was too lateā¦
Nerve-wracked, but flushed with his success, Skinner set off to attain a job at Gusteauās restaurant. Oddly enough, he achieved his goal and was taken on as sous chef, second-in-command to Gusteau himself. Victorious, Skinner spent his sous chef days working for the chef he had admired all his life, while keepers from the zoo kept a constant eye out for any sign of an escape monkeyā¦
Eventually, Gusteau died after a tragic event, resulting in Skinner gaining possession of the restaurant. This shocked the former sous chef at first, but he soon realized that he could use this new-found position to his advantageā¦
With the arrival of Linguini, a bumbling, yet good-natured chef who also solely wished to possess the restaurant, Skinner knew that he had to act fast to dispose of Linguini before things got out of hand. You see, his (Skinnerās) employees were not all that fond of their pint-sized boss, as he had attained a rather haughty demeanor and a rowdy disposition after their former chief, Gusteau, has passed on. (Skinner didnāt know it before-hand, but his monkey-to-human transformation had had some side effects, the most serious of these being the fact that Skinner would, every week or so, turn back into a monkey, and a savage one at that. Every time the transformation began to take place, he would be forced to resign to the bathroom so as to have some āprivate timeā and transform without anyone noticing.) Linguini, on the other hand, was popular with his fellow coworkers, the latter of whom were quite keen on the idea of Linguini taking over as head chef. Needless to say, Skinner knew that he had to rat Linguini out of the attic somehowā¦
One day, while washing dishes in place of Linguini (donāt ask me why Skinner was doing that), Skinner accidentally got one of his hands stuck in the garbage disposal. The effect of the razor blades against his apparently human-like skin had ādislodgedā/severed his hand, exposing monkey fur beneath the skin. Colette had been working near Skinner when this happened, and so it was no surprise that she instantly became a sole witness of the frightening display/scene. She only had to yell once before Linguini arrived on the set in a flourish, ready to battle whatever evil Colette had seen. Pointing at Skinnerās furry hand, and wearing an expression that mirrored that of pure shock, Colette wasted only a few seconds duration before jumping on top of Skinner and pinning him to the floor. But Skinner, quite flustered and embarassed by what his employees had seen, was ruthless, and proceeded to scatter out of the kitchen uncaught and unharmed. Colette and Linguini, however, were fast on their toes, and made about throwing pots, pans, knives, brooms, and whatever else they could get their fingers on in order to stop Skinner from escaping! The chase had ensuedā¦
Colette and Linguini finally managed to bind Skinner in ropes, call up the zoo (of whom had posted an advertisement in a local newspaper asking readers if they had seen any sign of a human-monkey on the loose), and wave good-bye to Skinner as he was towed back off to his ājail cellā in the zoo. Linguini, meanwhile, became owner of the restaurant, to much applause and cheerful congratulations from his coworker friends.[/i]
I never did devise how Skinner planned to ākill offā Linguini, but I suppose I would have made him try to poison the dude, drown him in the dishwasher, or stab him with a knife in the end. I should ask my sister for ideasā¦ (snigger)
But yeah. My sister and I are crazy. We do stuff like this all the time and laugh our heads off in the processā¦
So, what about you guys? Can you conjure up any interesting, perhaps ludicrous, back-stories for the featured characters from Ratatouille? Let your imagination run wild! Heck, Colette could be a chain smoker for all I care. Just have fun. 
ā Mitch
(snigger)
(snigger)