I can’t imagine him doing anything really horrible. Unpaid parking tickets sounds about right. Or maybe the bank heist one, but he had a racially diverse, oddly skilled, quirky group of people helping him, ala Ocean’s 11.
He removed the stamps from posted envelopes? 
(Got that from Shrek the Tur… Third) 
That fiend!
This gives me an idea. Let’s make a game like those on the off-topic board.
We just have to write ridiculous reasons like the one from thedriveinntheatre.
What do you think?
I think he went to Pizza Hut and took all the anchovies out of the kitchen and sold them to a foreign businessman, who later found out the anchovies were poisoned, so the businessman turned him over to the CIA so they could do testing on him. 
Remember, this is in France. It’s Le Pizza Hut. 
He was arrested because he did a bad review of Toy Story 3. In fact, the DCPJ discovered he was Armond White’s partner.
Great idea Spirit of Adventure!
He took a candy from a baby while jaywalking.
That’s two crimes in one! The sad thing is that I can see him doing that.
He did time because he threw his shoe to George Bush.
He stole a jar of pickled eggs while running with a pair of scissors.
So that was him
He did time because he was selling pirate copies of the Toy Story 3 DVD.
He shot JR.
Steve Jobs caught him buying a Zune
Those are all very funny reasons! I like the idea of this thread being a game!
Ha I know, it’s so entertaining to read! Too bad I’m not creative enough to think of one myself!
He was the unknown third accomplice in the North Hollywood Bank of America robbery. He didn’t attack the cops, but he was armed with a ballpoint pen!
I just died.
I completely agree. The truth is probably something so mundane and ridiculous, the other chefs would laugh if they knew. He tells the big scary stories to keep everyone intimidated.