…is one of my worst, most dehabilitating traits I possess. And it hampers me greatly. I’m shy for almost no reason at all. Sometimes it hampers me to the point that I’m just too scared to ask for anything. It really ruins my social life. I’ve made leaps and bounds to try to overcome it. But it seems like each attempt is met by a cliffhanger and then I fall right back down again into the pit of ‘shyness’ that consumes me.
Sure, it’s easier SAID that overcoming shyness is easy as 1, 2, 3… but some people don’t realize how bad it can hamper someone. I just wish I could be more assertive and combat my shyness. I want to be able to get over this dehabilitating trait. And finally make some friends because I feel rather empty right now. I know quality comes before quantity. But… as of right now… I feel like I don’t have very many friends and not alot of support.
And the ones that do support me are practically clueless alot of the time. Because stress, shyness, etc. is hard to talk about for me. It’s hard for me to converse about anything, really. I’m so socially anxious most of the time because I’m just scared I’d offend the person I’m attempting to converse with.
I apologize for being so down and depressive and emofied. I’m not trying to do this to garner attention or anything. I’m just wanting friends, is all. I feel like I really don’t got any friends… and I’m just struggling to fit in.
I’m normally shy in real life but not on the computer. Then again, since I’ve entered college, for some reason I’ve gotten less shy. Perhaps it’s 'cause people have grown up and no longer tease me for childish reasons.
Anyway, there’s no reason for you to be shy on here - you can just jump right in on any topic and we won’t hold it against you. As for the friend-making part - that’s something I think I’ve complained about here, in the past - but by simply chatting more on the forums and being a nice (I think, and sometimes funny, IMO) person, I think I’ve earned a few friends.
I know what you mean when you say you can’t just automatically overcome shyness - my parents forced that upon me in the past, but in real life I’ve just taken certain chances that people will think I’m a fool, mainly because I don’t care much for what they think and probably will never see them again outside of school, and in return I’ve earned some friends, just by taking those chances. Don’t feel down on yourself for being shy and just try and let some people in on your life. It’s alright to be shy but don’t let that ruin your life.
Wow. I wonder if all that made sense - I just woke up.
Apart from when I’m around my family, I am generally a shy person, and have had to teach my self to be healthily assertive, and learn what it means to be that way. I haven’t really had that much trouble talking to people, but I wasn’t usually a natural at it either so I know how it feels. I’ve gotten better at chatting to people, but since my interests vary quite a lot from other people my age (especially other girls), I find it a bit hard to make friends with them since I’m not into drinking, drugs, clubs, or anything superficial like that (no offensive if you are into that stuff). But I try not to see it as a problem with me, but rather the small price to pay for being an individual.
Online, I think I’m pretty normal since I find it easier to express my feelings through text because it cuts to the chase and you can revise things before you say it. Because there are so many friendly people on Pixar Planet, it made it easier to open up to them.
The best way to talk to people is to ask about them, and to give compliments. People love to talk about themselves, and to also receive compliments and encouragement. But don’t let people take advantage of your giving nature and walk all over you - you have to be able to say “no” and let people know when they’ve crossed the line. So like many things, it’s a balance.
Maybe you should try a new outside activity that interests you. Even if you don’t make a lasting friendship at least you would have practised your social skills and done something that you like doing, which will make you happy and happiness usually attracts like-minded people.
Every time feelings of positivity or assertiveness start to rise up. Negativity sweeps over me like a broom. And I feel myself fall back down. It’s quite hard to push myself forward to think with a positive outlook most of the time. And combating my shyness is a whole different story in itself.
I can’t be open, I am forever trapped by it, I’m very uncomfortable… even though I should be one of the most comfortable people around since the internet IS MY LIFE currently. But, sadly, I’m not comfortable at all no matter what I do. The only feelings of comfort I get is with those whom I’m extremely close with.
Heck, posting on forums and stuff… my comfort is non-existent. I’m always afraid I’ll say something stupid, people will judge me, take it out of context, tear it to pieces, then come back to skewer me with a nasty retort. Even if everyone here is seemingly nice and family-like… I’m still a rotten egg.
LCR- Shyness stems from the concern of what other people think about you.
If you didn’t care about what others thought of you, you wouldn’t be shy at all. Now, everyone cares about what others think to a certain extent- for example, I wouldn’t walk down the street naked- because it’s in our socially orientated minds as human beings to do so.
The problem is when it starts taking over your life, and when you assume that people will think badly of you. The thing is, no-one here has any reason to think badly of you, and until you do something that would make us think that explicitly, then we won’t.
Admittedly, people on Pixar Planet are generally a fair bit nicer than those on other forums, and hopefully this will help your confidence grow, but the only way to get out of this downwards spiral is to pluck up the courage and speak to people when you usually wouldn’t, and put the effort in so that they know you’ve got the best intentions. I understand that being told to combat your shyness is probably one of the most annoying things in the world, but it is the only way to go about it- I know this from experience.
You can call me a Violet if you like, but I was once shy and nervous around other people, especially girls. THen I found my outlet and I have become really comfortable around people.
I kinda get how you feel. I’m really reserved too. Except around friends and people I know well. Then I kinda act like a nut. In high school my circle of friends broadened a lot and that helped me open up a little. Having a job (especially in retail) where you have to communicate with people helps too. I wish I was more talkative as well, because sometimes i think I come across as snobby or mean. Like with my extended family. Holidays and get togethers are a bit of a hassle for me because I never know what to say to them so most of the time I dont say anything unless someone talks to me first.
“Oh my god. You are so emo. Die, emo tard!” Because I lurked around places before. And I saw several arguements about people discussing people who were ‘emotional’ on the internet. And it unnerved me. I wanted to jump into the foray and defend for myself and my so called ‘emo’ ways.
Of course I never did because I was scared. It would’ve turned out to be a massive flamewar. And I’d be proving nothing more than I was just as they predicted. So I always remained shut up. And I would just lurk and let them argue in peace.
But I truly hate people who are like that. Alot of people come to the internet to express emotion and let their feelings out in rants and whatnot. Sometimes reality is stressful and not everyone wants to vent out anything on their good friends. So they choose the internet as a option.
Journals are good, like LiveJournal, as you have total control over it and anyone else’s actions from comments to your postings on it, etc.
My shyness can also be included in that, as well. I am starting to feel a wee bit less insecure now. And I feel like this place is a wee bit more welcoming. Still a tad bit tense every once in awhile. I am just quite nervous to say anything that’s anything related to Pixar.
Hey don’t go for the cheap tricks like just imagine them in their underwear. It never works and don’t think oh but what happens if I do this or that think if I don’t talk to them you will never know if they will like you or not. Think of its positive possibilities not of loop holes. So if you ever need a friend just email me. Don’t be be O.K.
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