Weird huh??
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Just a little detective short story i created when i was 12 and revised just today…hope you guys don’t find this to weird…
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The “Knight” Washer
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From the Desk of Detective 113 (August 31st, 2005)
The night was August 17th, 2005 when I first discovered life
outside of our normal scope of human beings. That day had been rough going
from one suicide to homicide to murder and back to a suicide. All of the death
around me made my day seem perfectly “rotten” (pardon my pun) so upon
hearing the call that a washer for Burger Queen had been found dead in a
restaurant came as no surprise.
The scene was typical when I arrived at 5th street and Northern.
The body of 16 year old Michael Venispuchii (spelled with two I’s) was drawn
out with playdough along the floor as the managers hurriedly bustled around
trying to get the place ready to serve meals for the coming customers. As I
began to inspect the body two things struck me as important. The first was
that Michael had fallen backwards due to his unique bone imprint in the
ground. Obviously the lad was taken from the front and brought down through
some vicious attack. I raised my eyes to my assistant Dr. Dilbert who always
followed me around to my cases. He was standing there looking down at the
body with his large Popsicle sticking out of his mouth dripping onto the floor. A
manager quickly walked by mopping up the purple Popsicle liquid muttering
under his breath about detectives. As I stared at his rather dumbfounded face
he suddenly seemed to notice my hard stare because he quickly gathered his
wits and said;
“He died quickly?”
His coarse English accent continually drove me nuts. “Mr. Dilbert,”
I began, “we are in Weatherford Oklahoma and you have to continue that
Sherlock Holmes English nonsense?”
“Sorry boss, its just that I never really understand why you picked
me to be your assistant? I had no qualifications but still you picked me.”
“Mr. Dilbert, I picked you because you were the only person who
wouldn’t snap back at me for making a point. You would actually listen and
take in what I was saying.”
“Oh.”
Dilbert looked back at the body outline and placed his Popsicle
back inside his mouth. I could tell he was almost done with it because loud
slurping noises were now audible coming from his mouth. I diverted my
attention from the moving Popsicle stick and back to the episode at hand. This
was when I put forth my second point to Mr. Dilbert.
“He wasn’t penetrated in any way. It had to have been something
either injected into him or some kind of natural death. But why there is no sign
of a struggle or harsh force is beyond my mind. Its almost like he knew the
thing was coming and yet he didn’t make any struggle to get away?”
Dilbert pulled his Popsicle out. “Maybe he didn’t understand the
danger when the object was coming. Then when it did come it totally flattened
him and he never knew it was coming.”
I stood up. “Dilbert you might be right. The only logical way a lad of
his age and agility could ever be thrown down and killed would be through
surprise. The killer must have never been a danger until he or she struck.”
“Or it.” The manager of the store having heard our last remark
pipped in.
“It!?!?”
Well we have been having some strange sitings nearby. We
believe that possibly that Michael was visited by something.
I laughed on the inside. An alien attacking a Burger Queen bus
boy! HA! That was as likely as that fruit company ever getting off the ground
against Microsoft. HA! Still…there still was that chance but I was never one to
let it get the best of me.
After some very interesting time exploring the scene of the crime,
taking fingerprints, reading the joke on the back of the finished Popsicle stick
from Dr. Dilbert, and finally getting the video security tape from Burger Queen I
finally settled down at my desk at home to put the pieces together. I had just
finished the outline of my 500 piece jigsaw puzzle when a knock on the door
awakened me.
“Mr. Dilbert would you get that please?”
As my voice drifted no reply from Dilbert reached my ears. Odd, I
thought to myself. Normally he is here at 5;00.
"Mr. Dilbert?!?!”
More silence. Oh, I remember now, Mr. Dilbert always got the third
Wednesday of every 4th month of every 5th year off. He was probably out
playing spin the bottle or something English. I rose from my chair and my
puzzle and went to the door. There on the ground was a large package. I
picked it up examining the outside. It had a weird yellowish glow to it…i really
couldn’t make out what it was like. I brought the package inside and opened
it. I peered inside before I grabbed the contents just in case. Something rather
large, smooth, and round was in the corner of the package. I quickly poured
out the item onto my desk. It almost looked like a fat Frisbee as it sat on my
desk but as I watched it it began to glow a bright blue. It scanned my face and
with a…
“Populous #113-AGR-5892 Detected”
…went black pulling all of the electricity in the house with it. The
entire room went black. I could feel myself being mystified and freaked out
about my new find but at least it knew what it was doing?!?! Right???
A projected image suddenly appeared from the disk now on the
floor due to me kicking it off my desk. It projected a man standing in front of a
large room of computers. He wore dark shade glasses that obstructed his
eyes. He also wore a black suit in which were a couple of wires going towards
to head and back down to his waist. He looked like everything a secret agent
should look like.
“D113. This is a message from the Universal Government Facility
of Orlando. We understand you are currently investigating a murder case at a
local Burger Queen restaurant. We would like to advise you to stop any further
action into the case as it is already known to the government and solved. The
poor boy was infiltrated by a test droid of the government known as “squishy”.
This device was accidentally lost due to a careless janitor and just happened
to be in the accidental perimeter of the victim last night. We would like you to
stop following the case and to allow us to explain the entire situation and how
it happened.”
The screen quickly changed to a TV screen showing the victim
Michael Venispuchii (spelled with two I’s) walking into the deserted Burger
Queen shop the previous night. He had arrived some fifteen minutes after the
store had closed which was his typical way of doing his job. He quickly
changed clothes into the “clean wear” and went into the back to get some
stuff. The screen quickly adjusts to 20 minutes later. Michael now getting
ready to do the final go round before closing for the night is dreaming in the
corner. The screen through its technology advances showed the dreams just
as Michael had envisioned them. In his dream he was a noble knight. The
dream showed him defeating a dragon and winning the hand of a fat (no not
fair) lady. He then envisioned himself being a king with lots of populous
celebrating his 50th year of reign. He sighed and with a rather abrupt start
rose from his seat and walking back to the counter retrieved his mop and
scrubber. The scrubber as it was known was just simply a sponge. But not
just any ordinary sponge, no, this sponge had durable metal lacing on the
back and the Ultima-Stain Remover-Patented-Technologically-Advanced-
sponge on the back. Taking these objects he began to go to every table and
checking them. Occasionally he would stop and sighing heavily bend over and
sweep something away or taking his “sponge” (what did you expect me to say
Ultima-Stain Remover-Patented-Technologically-Advanced-sponge again??)
and quickly wipe away a “stain”. He had just finished and was locking the back
door when it happened. From a window opened for no reason a little green
blob bounded into the room. Michael whistling as he exited the front door
happened to look up just as the blob bounded onto the very first most table in
clear sight of Michael. The young lad looking up noticed the bright green spot
and peering closer as if he didn’t believe his eyes sighed even more heavily
and searching his pockets brought back his set of keys. Grumbling as he
placed the right key in the lock he entered back into the restaurant. He
marched into the back and getting his sponge came back out to the spot. He
quickly did a swipe at the spot but as he looked down he noticed that it was
still there.
“Strange?!?!” Michael could be heard muttering to himself. “Must
be a really nice stain”
The TV then moved to behind the counter as Michael
contemplating what device a tough stain should require finally decided on the
metal removal brush. He quickly sprinted out and approached the stain.
Placing his brush on the stain he moved the brush quickly back and forth over
it. After about 15 seconds of this he stopped and peering down suddenly
became aggravated as the stain was still there!!
Stomping back to the kitchen he quickly selected one of the heavy
duty cleaners. He marched back into the dining area and spritzing the stain
three or four times again applied the brush. After some 30 seconds of furious
scrubbing and muttering he stopped and cautiously peered over the cleaning
equipment. The green stain was STILL THERE!!! Going out of his mind the lad
raced into the kitchen. There he accidentally slipped and slammed straight
into the grill. The unconscious lad lay on the kitchen floor for about 5 minutes.
When he awoke he suddenly remembered his most favored desire…to be a
knight! Quickly putting on some tinfoil and grabbing a nearby spatula
he “reared” his horse and charged down upon the stain. Striking the stain
directly under the vital spot he thrust his spatula into the stain. The stain
hardened by the stain removal liquid and constant beatings easily thwarted
the spatula sending the knight crashing into the wall. Outside an old lady at
that moment had cardiac arrest as she saw a young man in tin foil go
crashing into the glass wall inside of the Burger Queen restaurant. (She was
quickly emitted to the crazy asylum the following morning when she told the
doctors what she had seen.) The young lad slowly rose to his feet and by now
quite befuddled decided to just continue charging. Five times the young lad
charged and five times he either broke a chair, broke a spatula, or broke a toe
nail in the harsh landing. The TV then showed twenty minutes later as the
young lad now totally exhausted from the constant charging was sitting on the
chair in front of the stain with his spatula poised to strike. His head was
sagging and with a quick dip he fell asleep. His spatula struck the stain and
with a quick yet slow movement actually brought the up from the table. The lad
looking at the spatula with the stain on it suddenly jumped up and dancing
around the table like an Indian at a powwow cheered loudly. He quickly threw
the stain into the trash can nearby and turning around walked towards the
door. Just as he was locking the door he happened to look up and notice that
every single table in the room had little green stains covering them. A quick
heart attack brought him to heavens gates…
Thus ended my case with the green globs or stains whichever you
prefer. The government thereby retired me due to me now knowing about their
secret project. They decided to send me to a lovely place known to them as
retire-rich retire-crazy or to the public as Alcatraz. Its a lovely place with hardly
any windows but loads of iron chains and really friendly people…you should
visit someday or even better join us…there are casino card games every friday.
Your Humble Servant-D113[/size]