vilet parr: I donât know. I want to finish my story first before I start posting it.
Thatâs cool.
I got a question for you. See, Iâve got a fan fiction of my own that Iâd like to post here. Thereâs only one thing holding me back, though-- whatâs to keep anybody from reading it and stealing my ideas? Not that I donât trust you guys, but it is the Internet. Anybody could just come and copy the story. So do I need a copyright first, or what? Can you even get a copyright on a story about someone elseâs characters?
^ Well, technically you canât really copyright a fanfic. Itâs already copyrighted by the studio/director. If itâs art you can copyright a concept, but not the character.
Sadly, whatâs one the internet is completely up for grabs. But look on the bright side. Chances are someone else has either thought of it, or done it alreadyâŠOk, so thatâs not exactly what youâd call a âbright sideâ, but you get the gist.
Oh, internet. Why must you be a double-edged sword? =(
I would love to read your fanfics violet parr. And I wouldnât worry about someone stealing your story. I worry about that al of the time, but no one has copied any of my fanfics yet. however, if someone want so borrow one of my characters, i tell them to notify me first before I decide.
TSS, THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED! This is like, one of the best stories Iâve ever read! Really!
My review
Storyline:10.00
Romance9:00
Spelling:8.00 Um overall really good!
Hmm, my romance was better than my spelling huh? Thanks for the review annaborjack.
Well, everyone loves it, (expect in real life,heh heh)
What was your favorite part annaborjack?
the part were Britney was being mean to Violet! lol jk
the part with Tony and Violet were swimming.
Good choices. Personally, I LOVED the scene were Bob first finds out that Violet gave up her powers. Very good show of emotions there. I also liked the scene were Violet kicks Britneyâs butt in kick ball. âSweetâŠâ (to quote Squirt.)
Thanks you two.
I must say that my favorite part was definitely the climax! It was so intense, Violetâs courage and doing what she knows she has to doâŠlove that part.
Thanks a lot BBD.
well, TSS, since this is over, what now? You canât keep that your sig forever.
annaborjack: I have another fanfic in mind. It is a trillogy to be exact. But Iâm keeping this sigy for a while to advertise this story.
ok then
Other than that, there isnât any more chapters or extras to post. Just waiting for more reviews now.
Well, TSS, as promised, hereâs my long-overdue comments on your remaining chapters! Get ready for a massive megareview! I took a good one hour plus to write this down, so I hope you take the comments and improve upon them.
P.S. I really enjoyed your dialogue and lines so much that I have at least one favourite quote per chapter! So Iâve listed them under each review.
Chapter 20 - Truth & Consequences
Baron Von Ruthless? Wasnât he the one Bob and Lucius were talking about in their car while listening to police scanners?
The bit where Bob goes mental upon discovering Vi lost her powers was convincing and intense. Itâs that kind of family dynamics that I loved from The Incredibles, and youâve used it to good effect (in this case, itâs the âparent-scolding-the-childâ routine).
Favourite quote: âYou have made a lot of mistakes in the past as a villain, Ruthless. And by far the biggest mistake was coming back.â
Chapter 21- Fun in the Sun
This was a pretty much a âhoneymoonâ episode, you know, those gratuitous scenes in a movie where they show the lead having fun with his love interest, nothing serious, itâs all light-hearted, sings Wall-Eâs âFirst Dateâ theme âDah dah dahâŠâ
I liked how you used the camcorder to lead us to the next action sequence.
Favourite quote: âViolet, we are in public right now.â (The situation in which he says it in, with everyone staring at their PDA made me chuckle)
Chapter 22- Rescue and Revelation
Nice alliteration to the title.
Itâs the Kraken! Okay, Iâll refrain from making a very naughty âtentacle monsterâ joke now, but seriously, Syndrome now has animal telepathy powers too?
I love that awesome twist how she accidentally left the record button on. I didnât notice you dropped the clue, âFinally, after pressing the record button off and on several times, she gave up,â until I reread the passage, so good on that!
Favourite quote: âI have a list of some things I can never get enough of. And you were just added to my list."
Chapter 23- Rejuvenate
Syndrome never learnt his lesson not to monologue when youâre on the upper hand, did he? Heheh, or he woulda spotted Violet sneaking around on his islandâŠ
I like how she hesitates and questions herself before consuming the potion.
Favourite quote: "Well, I have to stop this thing before Syndrome does⊠even if it means doing it alone.â
Chapter 24- Fight with the Omnidroid
I liked your description of the tactical maneuver: Offensive Attack: Rush & Crush! Sounds like a great strategy!
Woah woah woah, lightning bolts? So it seems like Syndrome has god powers or something, because now he can control the weather! Talk about an uber-villain.
Oh no, now she has to, like, save her family or something.
Favourite quote: âIf you need any help, just scream.â
Chapter 25 - Under Pressure
Edna Mode returns! I like how you kept her in character and how you described her eating habits with the steamed shrimp in the fridge.
I unintentionally laughed when Speedster made a death threat when Syndrome held Jack Jack in the LCD message. It would be something Iâd expect a grown-up like Mr Incredible to make instead of a kid like Dash, although I guess he must be feeling pretty angry when his baby brotherâs life at stake.
I really liked how you led us into Violetâs flashback by her looking at the moon. Nice description of that poignant scene from the movie. This is the point in the story when the heroâs at his/her lowest point, and must find the courage within themselves to face the enemy for the final epic battle.
I also love Ednaâs description on how a Super Suit tells a lot about the person who wears it.
Favourite quotes (Edna gets two this chapter cosâ sheâs so funny): âOh just fine dahling. Just fine yet dull. Not much work for me because many Supers are having their jobs terminated by that ugly looking, freak who just had an accident at the barbershop."
âYou call that a Super Suit? I call that Super Garbage!â
Chapter 26- The Concluding Combat
Ooh, this chapter is particularly brutal. Violet takes such a beating I was starting to wonder if she was starting to become a âJohn McClaneâ character. It wouldâve been better if she won more often throughout the fight instead of being Syndromeâs âpunching bagâ, but I guess thatâs the point of the final showdown, the hero gets thrashed to within an inch of her life, before making a spectacular comeback. I wouldâve done the fight as a series of escalating actions, and shorten it considerably, because by the time I read the 20th time of her receiving a punch to the gut, the adrenaline had worn off and I was wondering where this was going.
Besides that quibble, I did clap at the villainâs defeat bit here:
âŠ
âI. . .Iâm. . .â gasped a surprised Super.
âPowerless.â finished Invisigirl.
Syndrome looked down at the ground in defeat. Mr. Incredible went up to him and punched him in the face. That blow knocked him out.
âŠ
I love how it took just one final sock to put Syndrome out for good. Excellent one-liner and end to the fight!
Favourite quote: âYouâre lucky that ladies didnât have to go first.â
Chapter 27: At the Hospital
Nice aftermath to the fight. I like how Helen explains their undying support for her, and that she should appreciate her powers, ties in to the chapter where she runs away from her home.
Favourite quote: âViolet, we will always love you. We donât care if you do or donât have powers. We donât care if you are a Super or a Villain. You are part of this family and no matter what, we will always love you.â
Chapter 28: The Aftermath
I like how you began the last chapter with a news broadcast.
Finally, Dash got his comeuppance! Yes!
I like how Tony was about to discover Violetâs secret before another villain interrupted the proceedings.
And of course, Mr Incredibleâs tagline to cap off a brilliant story.
Favourite quote: âI donât know about you guys, but Frozone thinks that Metroville has the coolest people in the world!â
Overall, very well done, if itâs a first completed fanfic. I know youâre a Violet fan, so I see the story is pretty much focused on her development. I like the bits of inner conflict between choosing a superhero or ordinary life, and I said a few reviews back, it mirrors one of my favourite superhero flicks, Spiderman 2. But youâve taken that concept (whether unintentionally or not) and made it your own, so great job on that! The plot is a bit repetitive of the first filmâs climax in that Syndrome wanted to look like a hero to the citizens, except this time heâs successful. Criticisms would be that I wish you devoted more screentime to the other Supers, and that you had shortened the final showdown to make it tighter and more suspenseful (and let Violet actually beat Syndrome a couple more times to make her stronger as a hero). But again, these are minor complaints to what is an already impressive fan effort to continue the Incredibles saga.
Iâm interested to see what you have in store next. Do another sequel, maybe using your own fan-created bad guy, and raise the stakes! Or if youâre up for it, try a fanfic from another movie in the Pixar-verse! Whatever it is, Iâm sure you can pull it off another amazing story again!
I always get nervous when you write long reviews TDIT, now I can relax. Thank you so much for your comments and criticisms. I will definetely take that to mind.
ga ba da!
Edited by TSS: no shouting please.