*Warning
What I’m going to write is super, duper long. Too long, and I don’t think people will read it. I just wanted to write something down, get this all off my chest. Because this has been the worst day of my life (in sometime)
MOOD: 
REASON:
As some of you know, I have an Anxiety Disorder. I use to suffer from horrible panic attacks where I would cause physical harm to myself, stop breathing, and scream because I was afraid I was dying. For those of you who don’t know, victims of Panic Attacks are under the impression that they’re having a heart attack. It blows, it sucks. I was put under meds and was perfectly fine.
2 years ago, I stopped taking meds. Because people made fun of me. And no panic attacks came. Until last night
It sounds stupid, but I have a fear of getting food in my lungs, and then dying. But my mind last night couldn’t get off that after I ate. I went to bed worrying, and I woke up with chest paains. I was lightheaded, shivering, had a light fever, and felt like I was going to throw up. I had trouble breathing. I was having a panic attack
My parents were out of town. It was just me and my little sister. She called my Grandma, who came over and calmed me down, made me tea, and stayed with me till I fell asleep. The attack wasn’t as bad as before, but I was still scared that I was dying.
The next morning my rents came home. I still had the fear of the food in lungs. I barely ate anything. But I had chest pains. I know that the pains were from my anxiety, but I can’t help but think it’s from food in my lungs.
I was chatting with some Pixar Planet members in a chatroom when i had my next attack. I left the comptuer. I couldn’t breathe and I was crying and crying and crying. My mom gave me a pill that calmed me down instintly. I tried to walk, but I couldn’t I would fall down. I was still lightheaded. So We watched a movie to keep me calm. I made myself tea.
To make matters even more horrible, I have my first day of College tommorrow. Yeah, I’m going to college with a fricken anxiety disorder. I am so scared, what if I get an attack? What if people don’t like me because I’m a freak?
I got a text from my best friend. It made me cry. Basically, we live in a small town that’s an hour away from Santa Rosa, the town where my college is. So we ride the bus to college. Earlier today she told me she never rode the bus before, so I called her and told her everything she need to know about riding the bus. Later, she texted me and said that she was grateful to have a friend like me and that I was the definition of a Best Friend. She said she was so grateful to have me
And I started to CRY! No one said anything that nice to me. Well they have, but they didn’t mean it. She and I planned everything out tommorrow. We’ll hang out in the morning until our Agriculture Leadership class. My friends love is what I’m going to think through the night, and hope that I won’t have another attack.
There is something wrong with me, why does this happen to me? I know food can’t get in my lungs, but I go into panic attacks thinking about it. My body does this and I dont’ want it too. Looks like I have to go back on meds.
This is NOT how I want the start of the best years of my life to be. I want to be normal, not having to worry when my next mental breakdown is.
I can’t remember the last time I saw a doctor, come to think of it 
Had to pay for it a bit, but it was a nice deal… ^^
Today, though, I learned a whole lot and I’m getting much better! 
That’s amazing it didn’t hit your apartment!