My randumbness strikes again. 
Sorry, but i find extremely hilarious. XDDDDD
Pillow: Oh man, 10:00 again. Time for Mr. Lumpy to come lay his fat head into my face.
Bed: Hey, hey. Whay about me? You only support his head. I gotta support the big whale!
(Not really a question answer joke, but I find it funny)
TSS: 
Funny one.
Thank you BBD. 
(I don’t know if anyone will get this, it’s using homophones)
You are trapped in a box with no doors, windows, or openings. How do you get out?
See what you already saw
Use the saw to cut something in half
Two halves make a whole
So you climb through the hole
Yell until your voice goes hoarse
Then ride the horse away.
That is what I was thinking after that last joke.
Very creative…well done…
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, but the frog always croaks.
LOL
here’s one i made up…
ME-Why do we keep the nightlights on at night?
PARENT- So that the robbers can watch out for the toys.
How is Hamm and Hiemlich similar?
BOth are pigs!
hahaha…very good.
NOt really. It was something that came into my head
no seriously my brother paul laughed after he read it over my shoulder…and now Pual’s gone
A Book Never Written: New Inventions, by Ivan Idea.
I made this up:
Little boy: Do they have bread here?
Older boy: Nope.
Little boy: Then I guess I can’t stay long.
Older boy: Why not?
Little boy: My mom says I’m lack-toast intolerant.
Here’s an interesting story for you atheists out there. Not meant as an offensive insult, just as purely harmless humor. 
So, one day, I was standing next to this guy. I didn’t know this man. I’d never met him before in my life - or the past life.
I can sense this.
Standing next to this man whom I’d never met before, he turned towards me, and he sneezed like this, he went,
“Fhrruuu!”
And at first, I thought I was going to go off on this guy, and then I decided, ‘Wait a second, dude, don’t do that, take the high road, try to be polite.’
So, I turned to him and this is what I said. I looked at him and I went,
“Er…”
“God bless you.”
Yeah. I said “God bless you,” which, you know, is ‘God bless you’ but it kinda sounded like “Cover your freaking mouth.”
Yeah.
“Incognito.”
I said “God bless you,” BTW, when someone sneezes. I don’t say “Bless you.” I don’t say that because I’m not the lord. I can’t do all that all powerful kick-butt lightning magic show. I’m just a messenger from the big guns upstairs, you know what I’m saying?
And I never go with “Gesundheit.” I don’t even know who says that. If I say “Gesundheit,” I feel like I’m honoring Hitler, like I go like,
“Gesundheit!” raises one arm to the air
I ended up on the History channel 'coz some guy sneezed.
This is what the guy come back with. Here is where it starts to get out of control. The guy looks at me, and very condescending, he went,
“Sniffle, er, yeah, sniffle…”
“I’m an atheist.”
I was trying to be polite. I didn’t know you were an atheist! Right? Even if I did, what was I supposed to say when an atheist sneezes?
“Er, when you die, nothing happens.”
Now, I start to getting into like, a religious debate with this guy, and it is awful, okay? He’s questioning my beliefs.
He goes,
“Well, what about you? What did you grow up on?”
I said,
“Well, I was raised Christian.”
“Huh. Amen to you.”
“And also to you.”
As I was telling him about my religious background, he was laughing at me, he was laughing at me. Now, for his own entertainment, he said to me,
“Lemme ask you this, clears throat what do you believe happens after you, er, after you die?”
And I said,
“Er, okay, well, erm, hopefully, I lived a good life, and my soul goes to heaven, and when I get there, all my ancestors would be waiting for me like it’s an airport.”
“Hey, hey, hey! Whazzap?!”
“Guess who’s dead sucker?! Ahahaha, come here, float over here.”
I was telling him this, he was laughing even more. He was so condescending. He’s so snarky with his freaking attitude.
Yeah. “Snarky.” It’s a word. Google that crap. It exists. I’m not kidding. “Snarky.” Great word. Google magic, my friends.
Finally, I just snapped. I went,
“What about you?! Okay, what about you, alright?! What happens to you? You are an atheist. What does that mean? What happens to you after you die?!”
Then, he got very serious, like he was going to school me as many of you evolution believers schooled the other party. 
He went,
“Oh, I can tell you, young man; I can tell you.”
“I know what’s going to happen to me after I die.”
“After I pass on, my body will become one with this Earth. From there, I will become a fertilizer for this planet (AKA, poo) (of course, he didn’t add that part 
), and with that, I will return as a huge, beautiful tree.”
I wanted to slam this guy so bad for that, right? But then I stopped. I would stop you guys, too; hear (or read) me out.
I let it sink in and I want you to as well.
I hope when he dies, he does become a tree.
I hope he’s in the middle of the wilderness and he’s doing his tree thing, whatever it is trees do.
I know they do a lot of work with breezes.
And wouldn’t it be fantastic if while he lives out there, just enjoying his tree-ness, through the woods, a huge sweaty guy with an axe comes along, sees him,
“Keeerrr!”
“Keeerrr!”
“Swooppsshh!”
Chops him down, smash! Put a chain around him, drive him through the mud and the muck, throw him in a sawmill, grind him up.
“Yeeeeeeeeee!”
Then they pound him down into paper, and once he’s paper…
…you print the bible on him.
Yeah.
Dane Cook makes me lol too.
Yeah, he’s funny, ain’t he?
I love the “woman always win fights” one.
“And you are stupid like your father.”
xD
mumbling “And you’re stupid like your father, ha ha… MY FATHER WAS A BRILLIANT MAN!”
XDDD
An elderly couple were walking in the jungle. Suddenly, the woman pointed in the sky.
“Look at that!” she said.
“WHat?” said the old man.
“Oh, you missed it. It was a parrot.”
They were walking again for a couple more minutes. Then, the woman pointed at something.
"“Look at that!” she said.
“WHat?” said the old man.
“Oh, you missed it. It was a lion cub.”
They continued their walk. Minutes later, the woman pointed at something again.
“Look at that!” she said.
“WHat?” said the old man.
“Oh, you missed it. It was a monkey.”
They continued their walk. The elderly man was getting so annoyed with always missing what his wife was pointing at.
“Next time she points at something, I’m going to say I saw it, no matter what. This is getting irritating.”
The walked along in the jungle for a couple more minutes. The woman pointed at something on the ground,
“Hey, look at that.”
“Don’t worry honey, I saw it this time.” he said as he contuned his walk.
The elderly woman said, “You saw it and stepped in it anyways?”
(Gross humor, I know)
LOL good one!
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Just between the two of us, something smells!
KID (on phone): “I’m afraid Karen can’t come to school today.”
TEACHER: “May I ask who’s speaking?”
KID: “It’s my mom.”
-“Did you just pick your nose?”
-“No, I’ve always had it since I was born.”
(This is just a light humor, don’t take this one seriously)
There was a hunter in the wildnerness. One day, he upset a bear, and the bear went charging after him. The hunter frantically and frightfully ran away, the bear close behind, until he got to a dead end. When there was nothing left, the hunter prayed, “God, please let this bear know you today.” Suddenly, the bear paused for a while. Then the bear knelt in prayer. “Thank you God, for lunch.”