Know any good jokes?

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#21

Pixfan – Yeah, maybe, but here’s one for the now! :wink:

[b]Caution: Mild Toilet

Humour[/b]

A soldier and a vegetarian are traveling on a plane. The plane hits some serious

turbelance and some of their things fly out the window. (Dunno why there’s an open window on a plane!)

“Argghh! I lost two of my apples!” says the veggetarian. The soldier responds: "Who cares?! I just

lost a grenade!"

Now a certain man was walking home from work when he spotted a young boy crying next

to a crashed bicycle. “Whatever’s the matter?” he inquired. "An apple fell on my head! It came

from the sky!" the boy sobbed. “And I fell off my bike!” The man thought this was downright silly

and, after making sure the boy went safely to his mother, continued on his way.

He then came upon weeping

girl of around the same age who related the same incident: She was riding along on her bike when an apple fell on

her head. Once again the man made sure she was home safe before he continued on his way; albeit a little

suspicious of the going ons of this neighborhood.

Further up the way he found a boy rolling on the ground

laughing. “Excuse me, but whatever is so funny?” he asked.

"My dad farted, and the whole

house exploded!!!"

:laughing:

#22

*I learned it in 3rd grade…lol. I’m gonna take it in a different direction, though…needs to be PG.

:stuck_out_tongue:*

So these three guys are walking around, looking for an adventure. They suddenly come across this big

rickety bridge with a large sign next to it.

The sign read:

[i]Whosoever shall make a

leap from this bridge shall become whatever he desires[/i]

The first man runs over to the

bridge anxiously and take a larg bound off, screaming BIRD!!! And poof, he turns

into a bird and flaps back to his friends. The second man nods while grinning. He too jumps off of the bridge,

but he yells FISH!!! and poof, he turns into a fish and swims to the nearest

landmass, waiting for his friends. The second man doesn’t waste a second and he runs to the bridge. When he

begins to jump, his foot catches one of the planks and he trips over the bridge, yelling [b]AWW,

FUDGE!!![/b]

hehe

Yes, trying to keep it family-oriented…

#23

[size=92]JesusFreak - LOL I know that one, but instead the men go down a slide and you land in

whatever you wish. :laughing:

Okay, I’ve got one:

A boy is in the park with his pet Tyrannosaurus Rex.

A man walks by and stares at the dinosaur, and exclaims “Wow, what is that?”
"That’s my pet

Tyrannosaurus," the boy replies. “Hey, watch this.” He takes a sandwich out of his schoolbag,

places it on the ground and then says, “Tyrannosaurus, my sandwich!” The dinosaur leaps on the sandwich

and eats it in one gulp.
“Whoa, that’s amazing. Can I try?” asks the man.
“Sure,” says

the boy.
The man produces an apple from his briefcase and puts it on the ground. Then he says,

“Tyrannosaurus, my apple!” The dinosaur pounces and gollops it down.
Just then, another man walks by

and stares at the dinosaur. “What the heck is that ugly thing?”
"That’s my pet

Tyrannosaurus," the boy replies.
The man snorts and says, "Tyrannosaurus, my

butt!"[/size]

#24

I am gonna keep my jokes as Pixar related as I can. They come easy for me.

#25

Okay, picture this.

An old man is crying on a

bench
Another man comes up to him
Man: What are you crying for?
Old man: I just married a beuatiful

25-year old woman. Each night we have a great meal, share a beautiful night of passion and we fall asleep in each

other’s arms.
Man: Well, why are you crying then?
Old man: I forgot where I live!!! :laughing:

#26

Why do race cars

hate racing in the Dinoco 400 on a stormy night?

They are afraid of Thunder and Lightning.

#27

That’s a good one TSS!

:smiley: :laughing:

#28

Yep, it’s a good funny one. Hehe, nice job!!! :laughing: :laughing:

#29

I love the tyrannosaurus and the dinoco 400 ones

8D

#30

Nice, TSS!

I’m glad your doing all Pixar related, and maybe we all should, but oh well! :wink:

JesusFreak – (Haha) I knew the same one! Except the guy says

“Crap!” when he trips! :laughing:

Bill – :laughing:

#31

GD - Are you referring to the one that I posted about the old

man?

#32

I sure am! I think I heard that somewhere…

But

yeah, it’s great!

#33

Here’s another one:

What’s the top color of the rainbow?

Red?

Nope. Afraid of heights!!! :laughing:

#34

Here’s a joke:

A guy walked

into a bar, OUCH!!!

#35

I’ve heard that one before, but it is still funny.

:laughing:

#36

JV – LOL! :laughing:

#37

Where in the Bible did the first baseball game take

place???

The Big Inning :laughing:

#38

Hehe. That’s very funny!!! :smiley: :laughing:

#39

Oh man, I’ve got a good one. Just thought it up:

What body part does a molocule have?

An

atom’s apple :laughing:

#40

Haha – you guys all have great jokes!

:smiley:

Ok, I’ve got a really good one. Bear in mind that this is

[i]not[/i] my own joke. A friend of my dad’s told it to us

around Christmas time, and it was so funny that I almost wet my pants laughing from it. :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t

remember every little detail, but here it is:

[i]There were three men who had

just come out of a bar on Christmas Day, and they were so drunk that they wandered out into the street and got

hit by a car and died.

When they got up to heaven they met St. Peter at the gate. Peter said to them,

"If each of you shows me something that relates to the theme of Christmas…I’ll let you through the gate

and into heaven."

The first guy pulls out a leaf from his hair* and says, “This is holly.”

So Peter lets the first guy through the gate.

The second man takes out his car keys from his

pocket, jingles then around a little bit, and says, “These are bells.”

Peter lets the second

guy through.

The third man pulls out a bra and says, “These are Carol’s.”[/i]

*I got this part wrong – I’m not exactly sure what the first guy pulls out.

Still, it’s pretty hilarious. My family and I were crackin’ up like crazy. :laughing: