LuxoVille (the new fan-fic series!)

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#54

(EVE is at her desk, typing up daily gardening reports on her computer. Violet comes in through the front door and walks right up to her.)

Violet Parr: Excuse me, my computer’s down. Can you help me fix this flash drive so I can put the back-ups in?

(EVE logs off and turns toward Violet, still floating at her desk.)

EVE: What do you mean, “your computer’s down and you can’t do back-ups”?

Violet Parr: I don’t know why my computer crashed…but I did see Mini Buzz trying to use my flash drive.

EVE: i[/i] Mini Buzz broke your flash drive?!

Violet Parr: Yes, he did. I saw him do that!

(A crashing sound is suddenly heard from within the household. They both hurry to investigate, only to find that most of the house plants had already been knocked over. Violet just stands there, looking at the mess–but EVE face palms with a groan.)

EVE: (almost sounding like she’s crying with a sad face) Why doesn’t that Mini Buzz just go and play with Tinny? Just look at my beautiful house plants, completely destroyed! Oh, my precious favorite things! Nooooo…

(They both hug each other. Then suddenly…)

Violet Parr: Augh! Something’s on my back!

(They both jump. Then they see Mini Buzz.)

Mini Buzz: Come, my good caretakers! It is plaaaaayyytime!

Violet Parr: Uh…no it’s not. And by the way, look what you’ve done to my flash drive!

(EVE faces her desk again, only to find that the desktop screen has blackened. Then she turns back to Violet.)

EVE: Err…Vi? I think my computer just crashed.

#55

Alpha: A secret?! Why does that pesky little squirrel want to keep our newly formed friendship a secret?

Dug: I don’t know, Alpha. He just does.

Alpha: Does he have any specific reason for why he wants to keep this a secret?

Dug: I don’t really know. I tried to ask him when he said that, but he didn’t answer. Now the only reason I can think of right now is from something he did tell me while introducing himself, which comes from the fact that he had just moved in to the park not too long ago…

Alpha: Oh my goodness! He didn’t have something bad happen to him, did he?

Dug: I don’t think so. But we’re not really sure what happened to him, either…'cause he didn’t tell me that, either.

Alpha: What did he say his name was? Oak Bushytail?

Dug: Yeah, that’s right. Oak Bushytail.

Alpha: Well, then. I guess we’ll have to gather up our whole dog pack, and talk about this.

(Alpha starts calling the dog pack to get their attention to the urgent matter.)

#56

Chapter 1

“Okay, Wazowski. This is it,” Sulley called out as the rest of the group was catching up. "We have just found ourselves a perfect place to settle in. A perfect spot for us to build ourselves a house. A prefect area to have our own town.

“And why do I say this?” he continued, as he pointed to Luxo Jr. “Because that there lamp has led us.”

While the lamp was giving its approval to what Sullivan had just said, Mike Wazowski just stared at it for a minute or two–and then turns his attention back to his friend.

“Great,” he shrugged. “So when do we start building our own house?”

“In the morning, my friend,” Sulley replied. “In the morning we shall build ourselves a house. But need I remind you, we’d be building it by hand–so’s not to disturb too much of this land.”

Wazowski looked around, but could barely see anything from the darkness of the night sky. The darkness being, that the moon wasn’t enitrely full just yet–but it was getting there.

Then he turned his attention back to Sulley and said:

“I don’t really see where exactly we are at, nor do I know which piece of land we have chosen to settle ourselves in.”

Sulley looked at the night sky, toward the waxing gibbous. Then he turned his attention to Mike once more.

“You’ll find out where we are and what piece of land we are standing in, along with all our surroundings from wherever we may be this very moment. But only when the sun has come up, and when daylight comes in. Besides, we’ve traveled a long way to get here…and we gotta get some sleep.”

Now Sulley, without another word, immediately layed himself down on the ground, ready to sleep almost instantly. But Wazowski just stood there, staring at the distant horizon–until he layed down too, and stared further up into the night sky. Feeling tired himself as well, Wazowski just lay there for a long time (still looking at the night sky), thinking deep thoughts. Finally, he closed his one eye and went right to sleep.

But everyone else was also thinking about their settlement to come as well.

(To be continued…)

****P.S.–Seriously, guys. When is anyone gonna come right here to this thread and give me the feedback I desperately need most?

#57

Whole new set of segments coming up! :smiley:

Full Moon Cheese & Strawberry Hunt

Alfredo Linguini: Little chef? Are you okay?

Remy: Yeah. I’m fine.

Alfredo Linguini: Well, if you’re not going to find food with the rest of the gang, why not come on in for a few minutes?

Remy: I will move on to doing that! Once I’ve finished my resting. I’m just a little tired at my own paws right now, so I’m taking a break…right now.

Alfredo Linguini: Whatever. But would you please just come on in already?!

Remy: Why?

Alfredo Linguini: It’s, uh…rather urgent.

Remy: Okay… (scurries into the house as quickly as he can) And what do you mean, it’s “rather urgent”?

Alfredo Linguini: Colette just called me a little bit ago, saying that she had just received a response to the letter for new leadership in the Waitress Group?

Remy: Really? I did not notice that yet!

Alfredo Linguini: I also just received a response to the letter for new leadership in the Waiter Group as well.

Remy: Really? Can I see it?

Alfredo Linguini: Yes, of course. (reaches for his pocket and pulls the letter out)

(As Linguini unfolded the letter for Remy to look at easier, the rat’s ears begin to twitch suddenly. He could actually hear a whole bunch of noises at once, coming from outside the house–but because the interior of the house was so well lit, Remy could not easily see the silhouettes that were just outside the windows. Now Linguni probably didn’t hear, or notice, the various sounds coming from outside, 'cause he had already fallen asleep on the couch again. But then finally, after a few minutes, the noise quieted down…and Remy’s ears didn’t twitch for that anymore.)

(So then he proceeded to read the letter very carefully, and this is what he saw: )

[i]Good day, waiters! So I hear you’re having some trouble trying to find a new leader for your group, right? Well, there’s really no need to worry about your lack of leadership anymore. In fact, I can make a good leader for just about anything in this town!

Now my friends and I, we’ve been trying to fix this whole town up for months! So in case you’re probably still wondering what those so-called “strange things” are…guess what? I just told you, just now. So there’s really nothing strange about the town, okay?

Speaking of the town, my friends and I are also considering new leadership for the whole place as well. 'Cause like I’ve mentioned before, we can have multiple leaderships around here, if we want to! But I’ve gotta run, so I can’t really say anything more. Hope to meet you guys in a few weeks!

From your soon-to-be new friend and neighbor–perhaps one who is sweet, lovable, and cares the most about you (Yep…that’s me, all right!)[/i]

(Remy folds the letter back up, and then scurries over to Linguini.)

Remy: Would it be all right if I scurried over to Colette’s real quick? I’d like to inquire on that other response letter as well.

Alfredo Linguini: (still half asleep) Sure…go ahead.

(So Remy scurried over to Colette’s as fast as he could. Again, his ears twitched to a rather faint sound that seemed to be coming from far away. But he didn’t really care to stop, nor take the time to listen for it to come closer–he knew right away that because this matter was so urgent, he didn’t really have the time to dawdle. So immediately he scurried over to Colette, using his little tiny paws to wake her up. Then all at once, she sat right up–and when she looked around and saw that Remy was there, she knew he had come right over to see the response letter for new leadership in the waitress group.)

(So now he begins to read the other letter, and this is what he saw on there too: )

[i]Hello, my sweet waitresses! I just read your letter, and I just can’t admit how sorry I am to hear about your struggles lately. But one thing’s for sure: I will gladly take your request and become your new leader for the entire group. I may also partner up with my friend to bring new leadership to this entire town as well.

So now, if you’ll excuse me…I must go and take care of some things. Hopefully, I will meet up with you gals real soon!

Your soon-to-be new friend and neighbor–probably about as sweet as my friend can be!

P.S.–First thing you should probably go ahead and know about me: I actually fly.[/i]

(So Remy folded that other letter back up, and scurries back over to Colette…)

Remy: Thanks for letting me read both letters.

Colette Tatou: You’re welcome. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go back to sleep.

Remy: Okay, no problem.

(So then he scurried over back to Linguini’s…)

Alfredo Linguini: (still trying to get himself back to sleep) Yes, little chef. You may go back to doing your thing now. I’ll see you in the morning, too…I hope.

(So Remy finally scurries back outside, into the yard once more. Again came the time when his ears suddenly twitched once more, listening to a distant sound that seemed to involve various noises like the ones he had heard from inside the house earlier. But as he hid somewhere in the bushes near a corner of the fence, he could actually see a bluish light trying to come through. He couldn’t really tell where the light was coming from, but he did see some movement. Then the sudden brightness seemed to be moving away from him, and before long it could not be seen anymore.)

(At that instant, the rat began to twitch his ears again, this time for a different kind of sound–it sounded really strange to him, seemingly coming closer and closer. Now Remy was sure he wouldn’t be seen, but all at once the bushes made a rustling noise–and at that very moment, he could actually see what appeared to be an oddly-shaped silhouette staring down at him. And, strangely enough, he could see a faint yellow glow trying to come through.)

(For a short while, Remy stood still, waiting for the silhouette to go away. Then finally, after a few minutes, it was gone. Having decided by now that it was time to resume the overnight search for food, Remy then decided to forget the very sights that he had just seen–and so begins his own continuation of the overnight mission, hoping to find the other 3 rats with which he’d always been doing this monthly event. But what he didn’t know was that his whole mission was about to be turned upside down…)

*This segment to be continued

#58

Okay, so I would like to disclaimer that I’m only in here because of your constant asking for feedback, and before that I was refraining from commenting because I knew I could not be positive and I didn’t want to come off as mean. I’ll try to be as constructive and not mean as possible.

Onward.

I’m kind of having a hard time really figuring out what you’re trying to do with this. Best I can figure is it’s supposed to be all the Pixar characters living in a town, which I guess you could get something good out of, but nothing interesting’s really being done with it here. Seemingly random characters are gathering for seemingly random little inconsequential blurbs.

I say random characters because everyone seems to be acting fairly generic. Sure, you’ve got the occasional little marker of who is who, Merida mentions brothers, WALL-E mentions the Repair Ward (though, I don’t think he should. He’s an Earth class robot and the Repair Ward’s on the Axiom), but for the most part their actions aren’t very individualized (and in some cases, they go against established characterization). A character’s personality and past experiences should shape their actions and reactions. As a general rule, I should be able to cover up the names next to the lines and still be able to tell who’s talking. For a nice illustration of this, watch this scene from Finding Nemo;

youtube.com/watch?v=2fOmnu3jGD4

Here we have two characters in the same situation having completely different reactions due to their clashing personalities. Marlin, the more logical, serious, focused one with a very personal and important goal, is angry and trying to get out, and then he sinks into despair when it sets in he can’t. Dory, the more carefree, kind of stupid, scatterbrained one without a personal connection to the goal (actually she probably doesn’t remember there was a goal), sees no reason to worry or even really react beyond “Huh”, and instead is playing around. Marlin’s dialogue isn’t just “I have to get out of this whale now. Oh no, I cannot!” it’s puts a big focus on Nemo and not failing him, while pretty much ignoring that he’ll die in there (until it comes more to the forefront of things), because it’s been well established that Marlin’s more focused on his kid than himself. Dory isn’t just nonchalant, she’s completely ignorant to the situation, because, well, Dory, short term memory loss.

There’s another important thing to be learned from this clip; not everyone will have negative reactions to negative things, and not everyone will have positive reactions to positive things. Some people will even remain neutral to positive or negative things. Here, we have Dory who undoubtedly would have died had it not been for that whale being friendly and wanting to help, and just generally not caring. Anger, in the new Inside Out teaser trailer, reacts negatively to a hug. Keep this in mind; the logical reaction for you might not be the logical reaction for one of the characters.

I feel the need to bring this positive negative reaction thing up because of that one little thing with Mr. Incredible, Sulley, and WALL-E in the car, during which I kept thinking WALL-E probably would just be playing with the window buttons until there was a noticeable change in the ride.

The generic feeling isn’t helped by the fact that you seem to have removed any distinct speech patterns any of the characters have. I’m not talking things like accents, people kind of split on whether or not those should be typed differently, but things like how all the WALL-E characters are speaking full sentences. If Pixar gives a character a unique speech pattern, there’s a reason for it. Don’t get rid of them. It makes them unique, also, and most people will have gotten used to hearing them talk like that.

Outside of the more technical things, if I were you, I’d change directions and make it more of a focused crossover thing. By that I mean, bring in Pixar places and props, pick two or three characters for each blurb and focus on them, and have a main point of interest to explore in each one.

I won’t get into the cat thing. I prefer to read about official characters.

And now a few more specific things that bug at me;

[spoiler]1. I’m confused, so I take it this town is inhabited by the Pixar characters…so who’s running these shops they go to? I mean, I can’t think of a Pixar character that would enjoy working at a doughnut shop.

  1. You can’t really flirt with a cane. There’s a definition that means shaking, but that’s for birds and their wings.

  2. Mr. Incredible is not anywhere near stupid enough to start reading while driving. Actually, I’d argue no Pixar character is that stupid (Dug and Dory might be distracted, but that’s the closest you’d get).

  3. I’m not sure if it bothers me or not that the rats are speaking English when the movie establishes humans just hear squeaks when they talk. I think I’d be accepting of it if the other unique ways of speaking hadn’t been removed.

  4. Why would Remy look for food overnight? He made it pretty clear he doesn’t like that sort of thing, and La Ratatouille should have plenty of food (or, heck, Linguini’s refrigerator should have plenty) and at much higher quality.

  5. I’m not sure where you got the impression M-O and BURN-E were friends.[/spoiler]

Okay, so that should about cover the feedback. Now, I want my wine and my perspective. :imp: 8D

#59

Okay, Villainess. If you really want me to fix this up for my next set of segments, I will. But first I want to clarify some things about this fan fic you should probably know about so you’d know what you are getting from there:

First off, this crossover fan fic is not meant to be completely movie accurate for within each individual character and/or location. Second, because this town setting involves multiple subjects living together, they’d have to be able to understand each other’s communications. 'Cause if they only spoke their own languages, they probably wouldn’t understand each other–which would probably make the fan fic a lot more boring rather than entertaining, compared to when they all speak a full English to each other (aside from Spanish Buzz, whose dancing to Gipsy Kings and other kinds of Spanish music really seems to be enjoyed by the citizens).

There are several well-known locations within the downtown section of LuxoVille–including, but not limited to: the Axiom; Piza Planet; and (yes) La Ratatouille. But it’s also noteworthy that the whole town is also divided into 2 other sections: the neighborhoods and the park. Other town locations (from all 3 sections) include the clubhouse, golf course, bowling alley, bakery, tennis court, ice cream shop, racetrack, campfire area, gardens, and several others I will not mention at this time. There is also a landfill.

Now, about the dances: Of course they like multiple music genres! That’s so every subject can respect each other’s tastes (or preferably, based on their own types). So it’s no wonder why a lot of their dances often involve techno, Latino, country–and yes, they love oldies-type music as well. It’s the same with their movie viewings. Let’s just say that, once again, in respect to the many subjects living in town, they like Westerns, Sci-Fi, Action, and Classics. But that’s not the only thing they’d probably watch, or listen to–there could be more.

Mater’s “dad-gum” song can get a little annoying–but only because the song itself is so repetitive!

And did you notice that running gag where Mini Buzz is always constantly asking to be played with? This is most likely based on the fact that, in the Toy Story toon “Small Fry”, he was so obsessed with playtime! As to why I would mention his playtime being denied by everyone because they’re so busy, I have no idea. But at least he gets to hang out with Tinny.

Perhaps the main reason why Dash is considered a pest to a lot of his neighbors is because of the pranks he does. (Goodness! That didn’t just come from looking at that Incredibles outtakes thread, did it?)

Anyway, the robots do have a problem with Mator (the UFM)–why? Because every time he goes near them, they glitch! Which is why they will never get along…

And I apologize for that one scene with Mr. Incredible getting distracted by the paper while driving. (So I’ll probably have to eliminate that.)

This isn’t a complete description of what’s involved with this fan fic, but at least it’s a good start. (More to come later.)

P.S.–As to why I would constantly have Mike Wazowski being booed and then laughed at during every single one of his comedy routines, I have no clue about that. As to why I would come up with the idea that Mustafa is so obsessed with salt and pepper shakers, or the fact that M-O would never be able to get out of a cage on his own (if he ever got trapped in one)–I have no clue about that, either. So without further ado, are there any questions regarding what all I have mentioned so far?

#60

Why not?

All of these characters got through their movies just fine with their current voice patterns. All it’d take here is to describe their body language and facial expressions. This, by the way, is one of the reasons why script format is bad; it’s preventing actual descriptions from being given.

I just don’t see why they need to be in a town. Why can’t they be in their own worlds? You can find substitutes (or, in a bunch of places, the exact same type of place) for all those things in canon Pixar worlds. Monsters, Inc. provides an easy, convenient way to have them all meet up wherever they need to; just have them each have a door or two in their worlds (with only them or an active population, whichever) that leads to the Scare Floor as a sort of hub. It’d make things much simpler, make everything seem more Pixar-ish (and less generic), and eliminate the need to describe settings, which you aren’t doing currently but it’s pretty important to do so.

I never mentioned dances.

I said most of the actions were generic, not all of them And besides, this is still watering the characters down to one trait.

I haven’t seen that short in years, but I’m fairly certain there’s no reason being near Mator should make robots glitch.

If you don’t know why you’re writing something, you might want to refrain from writing it.

And actually, I do have a question. I’m curious if these characters are supposed to be aware of being fictional or not. Like, if you went to Woody and asked him what he thought of John Lasseter, or Lightning and asked him about Owen Wilson, would they know who you were talking about? Just out of curiousity.

#61

The main reason I would imply that the robots would glitch whenever the UFM comes near, would most likely come from the fact that, it is often said that when a UFO comes in for a landing, the lights would flicker. Or are you saying that maybe I should just stick to Mator making the street lights do that?

Clearly, this is a crossover town setting, so I probably wouldn’t know, exactly, which substitutes of locations you’re referring to–and by the way, which ones? Do you mean the first 3 places I mentioned, or some of those other places I mentioned afterwards? And even if I did try to fit all the locations into one town, I probably wouldn’t know where to put them, let alone whether or not they would fit into one area. But just what exactly are you trying to tell me about such locations?

And if I did try to make the characters speak in their own languages, it would probably be a bit difficult for me, because I probably don’t know the translations for such communications. So clearly, this is why I had to put in full English for all their dialogues–unless, of course, you wanted me to write down some sound effects to go with it.

By the way, are there any other traits I could apply to the characters, besides Dash doing his pranks and Mini Buzz being obsessed with playtime? Like let’s say I wanted to write a mini-story about the town citizens gathering at a house to challenge each other with board games or card games. Or let’s say that an outside guest had come to visit the town, but they accidentally leave something of theirs behind–and then one of them would have to go out of town to try and return that lost item back to the guest. What do you think about that?

#62

Ah, that would be a fairly reasonable reason to have him effect them. I must have forgotten that.

I mean everything you listed is a place either shown in a Pixar film (e.g. you said there was a landfill and Toy Story’s world has a landfill), or with a place similar enough that it could be used in its place in a Pixar film. So why not set it in the actual world of Pixar instead of a town with a bunch of characters in it? All the stuff I said about Monsters, Inc. and doors was just a way you could have everyone interact with each other on a regular basis easily without moving all of them to a town.

What? I wasn’t talking about languages, I was talking about communicating through movement and facial expressions (or, in this case, since it’s written and not visual, descriptions of movement and facial expressions) for the characters that have speech barriers.

You mean traits specifically for Dash and Mini-Buzz, or all the characters?

#63

Well, Villainess…I probably don’t know, specifically, what exactly we are referring to here, and I probably don’t have much else to say about this stuff…but I will be having more samples coming up this week. So maybe what I’ll do is I’ll write them as drafts before putting them up, and see what you think…on whether or not my writing of this “seemingly scattered” series would have improved a bit, in terms of the plot, mostly. After all, if I were to consider myself still a beginner writer, you know…most writers don’t always start out perfect, but they will eventually find themselves slowly improving overtime. You know what I’m saying here?

#64

I’m sorry, but I’m really not sure if I’ll be able to help further. There seems to be some communication trouble between us, so I’m probably not the best person to give you advice.

I might be able to try critiquing once more, but if there’s still problems with us understanding each other I probably won’t go on.

#65

Well guys, it’s now been over one year ago today from which this fan-fic was started. I may not have some up with something new to put down here at this time, but when I do have the chance I will be ready. Other than that, this fan-fic will continue (possibly)…but don’t forget to give me the feedback I desperately need most! (And I’m talking other members who have not yet come to this thread.)

–evspixarfan2012

#66

Chapter 2

The next morning at sunrise, a picnic breakfast was already being planned. But still there was conflict on whether or not to start building a house right away, or to wait just a few more days in order to further recover from such a long journey. But they also knew that if they were going to have their other friends and neighbors come on over, then they would have to start building their town as soon as possible. Which was something they would soon discuss while enjoying their breakfast.

Now Mike and Sulley were having a hard time deciding what would be good enough to eat:

“Would you like some fruit?” Sulley was asking, as Mike was giving some fish food to Nemo. He then turned to face the lamp playing with its ball, then back to Sullivan.

“What kind of fruit?” he asked.

“I have lot’s of different fruits to choose from,” said Sulley, as he reached into a sack.

“Then how about a mix? 'Cause I really can’t decide on which one,” said Mike.

“Okay.”

Then Sulley took his hand out of the sack, revealing a thing of sushi.

But Mike was not pleased.

“Sushi for breakfast? No! I’m saving that for when Celia gets here.”

“I know that,” Sullivan told Mike. “But I’m afraid that this sushi of yours might be going bad real soon, so I suggest you might as well eat it now before it does.”

Now his friend was showing a surprised look on his face.

“How can you be so sure?” he asked. “How could you be so sure that my sushi is suddenly getting close to going bad?”

Then Sulley just stood there, staring off into space. He thought and thought for a moment on what he would say, and then finally he turned back to his friend once more:

“Let’s just say you’ve had this thing kept inside our sack since the start of our journey,” he said to Mike. “And that now we have found ourselves a perfect spot to settle in, maybe now would be a good time for you to have it.”

“All right,” said Mike. “But now I’m starting to wonder what it would taste like after being cooked over a campfire.”

This surprised them both. Suddenly they realized that there was no oven or stove nearby, and they didn’t even have a grill! So it turns out, the green-eyed monster was right. Looks like they will just have to cook their sushi over a campfire.

So Mike and Sulley prepared the campfire site, making sure to get their other friends–the fish, the lamp, the toys and the ant–out of the way.

And Geri and Leo decided to join in as well.

(Okay, so maybe it’s not all that great…but wait 'till you see what other story I’ve got in mind!)

Sample Story

Violet was having a hard time trying to sleep. She kept waking up as if something in a dream was chasing her.

There she’d pace around the house, wondering why none of her friends and neighbors had come to her sleepover.

That is, until she noticed some kind of silouhette staring at her through the window. Yet she couldn’t really tell who it was…

So Violet went back to sleep, hoping to have a better dream. And she did. This time instead of waking up from being chased by something, she slept pretty good–having found herself in a huge field full of wild flowers, picking them as she’d go.

And there she would meet some animal friends along the way.

But what’s this? Was there someone calling for help?

Now Violet had thought she’d heard a voice, but she couldn’t really tell who it was.

Then she heard it again.

But there were so many beautiful flowers around her! It seemed so tempting enough, she didn’t want to leave the field.

But then all of the animal friends had disappeared right before her very eyes.

And then she heard the distant but desperate cry once more.

So Violet tried to get there as fast as she could, but the field was soon noticed to extend beyond the horizon. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find her way out of the field. Nor could she find her way to the source of the cry.

But then she woke right up again at that very moment…for someone had tapped on her shoulder.

  • Er…does this look like a tiny bit of improvement to you?
#67

Well, in both of them the characters still sound very generic and interchangeable. It’s not in script format, that’s a good thing, but I’m not sure if you mean to dispose of its use altogether or if it’s just for these blurbs.

In the first one, nothing’s really happening. It’s just not very interesting to read about characters deciding what they’re going to eat. And it’s kind of confusing to be honest; first there’s fruit, then there’s sushi, and he doesn’t want to eat the sushi but then he does. It’s jumping all over. And I have no clue who “Leo” is.

The second one at least has something going on, but it just seems…stiff, I guess. Hard to explain. I think it reads like something that should be conveyed either with a lot more description, or in visuals, not in very basic prose.

And a few more specific things that bug at me, again:

  1. Nemo, in a fish bowl, without Marlin. We spent an entire movie trying to get him out of a situation like that.

  2. It’s fairly well established monsters eat rotten things, so the whole thing about worrying it might be bad is really pointless.

  3. I’m not an expert, but I’m fairly certain sushi is supposed to be raw, and cooking it makes it not sushi anymore.

  4. Who sees something staring at them through their window, and then immediately goes to sleep without checking who it is?

  5. I’m not sure who Violet would have a sleep over with. As far as I know, the only other teen girl in Pixar’s works is Merida, but the wording implies more than one person. Molly, I guess, maybe, as she appears in Toy Story 3?

#68

Okayyy…maybe I need to take some time for further improvement or else take a very long break until then? 'Cause I believe what you’re saying here is that I seem to lack my knowledge for some of the elements included with this cross-over, and that…I don’t know. Maybe some research would help out? (I use Bing Search, actually. Maybe then my writing will get better like, after a while–after all, writers don’t always start out perfect, but they eventually improve their writing skills overtime. Exactly what’s happening to me with this fan-fic.)

Oh, and as for the characters:

Again, this is intended to be a cross-over fan-fic series on what it would be like if just about every well-known Pixar character (being that of the good guys) actually lived together in a small town–complete with neighborhoods, downtown area, and a park. (There is also a landfill.) Therefore, they all must require some way to get around the area, let alone understand each other’s communications, while living up to their unique standards based on subject type.

Therefore, the town citizens require all kinds of different ways to make sure that everything works out perfectly–in terms of not just getting around the area and/or be able to understand each other’s communications (think of this as like, translating)…but rather, the many opportunities to visit one another.

And I probably should stop with the running gags, too.

Now let me tell you what’s also intended with the story:

Imagine if just a few Pixar characters–a lamp, 2 toys, an ant, 2 monsters, and a fish, along with an old chess player and a tall blue bird–had journeyed for quite a while to find the perfect spot for building a town of their own. But first they need to build a house. Once they have finished with the house, the 2 monsters decide it was time to start building the town (by hand, of course, because I will certainly not include any use of construction vehicles whatsoever–therefore, I’d prefer if they had their town built without disturbing the land too much)–but first they have to make sure everyone is still there. And they are.

So while the 2 monsters are at work, their friends would constantly wish them the best of luck before and after every time they get further with the town building, and they may even try to encourage them to never give up on it, no matter what (except, of course, on certain weather conditions). But then they soon notice that the unicycle (along with a snowman in a snowglobe) have just moved in–and apparently, so did the other 4 birds (the smaller ones). A little while later, the other monsters start moving in–bringing with them the other toys, the other bugs, and the other fish (and Boo, of course!). With all the many move-ins comes a great deal of teamwork…and the whole town, complete with neighborhoods, downtown area, and a park, would soon be finished in no time.

And when the town was finished to the point where it could finally be named, a little inspiration would’ve come from the lamp itself…and that’s how it got the name “LuxoVille”.

*This would be a great representation of Pixar’s early days, being that of their first half-a-dozen short films and that of their first 5 feature films–therefore, these guys would be the first to move in to their new town. (After all, perhaps the bigger subjects would’ve had to carry the smaller subjects around…right?)

–evspixarfan2012

#69

Okay, sorry it took me so long to do this.

Most of my small complaints were things from the movies. When was the last time you watched them?

Yes, I know.

Have you already implemented this? Cause, I don’t remember any indication anyone was using special transportation or had a unique living standard. I mean, you’ve got fish characters yelling at stand up acts…

They already understand each others’ communications.

The only characters that should need transport and visiting help are the bugs, fish and the cars may or not need the latter. In the former’s case, I strongely suggest you make them bigger, a la their Disney World counterparts. They’re not going to be able to partake in anything except screaming in one other character’s ear unless you do so. For the other two, what did you have in mind? Cause the stories themselves aren’t giving me anything.

Okay, so did these guys come from somewhere? Did they spring into existence in our world? Are they living in a world filled with cartoons a la “Toon Town”? Where have they been before this? Why’d it take them eight years to think “Maybe we should have somewhere to live”?

Again, I don’t want to be mean, but this all is really kind of pointless.

And especially of note is all these characters hanging around when Mike and Sulley are doing everything. If they aren’t going to be important in some way, they shouldn’t really be there; that’s usually a pretty basic storytelling rule.

This is also severely underestimating Buzz and Woody’s abilities; they may be small, but they’re resourceful. They wouldn’t be completely useless.

For the Birds is their sixth short. And the selection here seems really random. Why their first five films (I understand first, but why five)? Why two toys and monsters, but only one fish (How, by the way?) and ant? I presume you’re talking main characters, so I’m assuming the ant and fish are Flik and Marlin, in which case, the former has a wife and the latter has a kid. Where are they? Why have they left them alone? If nothing else, wouldn’t it make more sense for Atta to come, since she can fly?

#70

Oh, but the other characters will move into the town…eventually! Just wait and see…

So you want me to continue with this fan-fic then? Or is it really just time for me to quit?

#71

I don’t want to barge in on this, but I’d like to see you keep going

#72

All right…but I’ve already made my decision for this thread : I quit.

#73

Sorry to say I can’t say I’m against that decision. It really doesn’t seem to be working out.