LuxoVille (the new fan-fic series!)

[evspixarfan2012]

The main reason I would imply that the robots would glitch whenever the UFM comes near, would most likely come from the fact that, it is often said that when a UFO comes in for a landing, the lights would flicker. Or are you saying that maybe I should just stick to Mator making the street lights do that?

Clearly, this is a crossover town setting, so I probably wouldn’t know, exactly, which substitutes of locations you’re referring to–and by the way, which ones? Do you mean the first 3 places I mentioned, or some of those other places I mentioned afterwards? And even if I did try to fit all the locations into one town, I probably wouldn’t know where to put them, let alone whether or not they would fit into one area. But just what exactly are you trying to tell me about such locations?

And if I did try to make the characters speak in their own languages, it would probably be a bit difficult for me, because I probably don’t know the translations for such communications. So clearly, this is why I had to put in full English for all their dialogues–unless, of course, you wanted me to write down some sound effects to go with it.

By the way, are there any other traits I could apply to the characters, besides Dash doing his pranks and Mini Buzz being obsessed with playtime? Like let’s say I wanted to write a mini-story about the town citizens gathering at a house to challenge each other with board games or card games. Or let’s say that an outside guest had come to visit the town, but they accidentally leave something of theirs behind–and then one of them would have to go out of town to try and return that lost item back to the guest. What do you think about that?

[Villainess]

@evspixarfan2012

The main reason I would imply that the robots would glitch whenever the UFM comes near, would most likely come from the fact that, it is often said that when a UFO comes in for a landing, the lights would flicker. Or are you saying that maybe I should just stick to Mator making the street lights do that?

Ah, that would be a fairly reasonable reason to have him effect them. I must have forgotten that.

Clearly, this is a crossover town setting, so I probably wouldn’t know, exactly, which substitutes of locations you’re referring to–and by the way, which ones? Do you mean the first 3 places I mentioned, or some of those other places I mentioned afterwards? And even if I did try to fit all the locations into one town, I probably wouldn’t know where to put them, let alone whether or not they would fit into one area. But just what exactly are you trying to tell me about such locations?

I mean everything you listed is a place either shown in a Pixar film (e.g. you said there was a landfill and Toy Story’s world has a landfill), or with a place similar enough that it could be used in its place in a Pixar film. So why not set it in the actual world of Pixar instead of a town with a bunch of characters in it? All the stuff I said about Monsters, Inc. and doors was just a way you could have everyone interact with each other on a regular basis easily without moving all of them to a town.

And if I did try to make the characters speak in their own languages, it would probably be a bit difficult for me, because I probably don’t know the translations for such communications. So clearly, this is why I had to put in full English for all their dialogues–unless, of course, you wanted me to write down some sound effects to go with it.

What? I wasn’t talking about languages, I was talking about communicating through movement and facial expressions (or, in this case, since it’s written and not visual, descriptions of movement and facial expressions) for the characters that have speech barriers.

By the way, are there any other traits I could apply to the characters, besides Dash doing his pranks and Mini Buzz being obsessed with playtime? Like let’s say I wanted to write a mini-story about the town citizens gathering at a house to challenge each other with board games or card games. Or let’s say that an outside guest had come to visit the town, but they accidentally leave something of theirs behind–and then one of them would have to go out of town to try and return that lost item back to the guest. What do you think about that?

You mean traits specifically for Dash and Mini-Buzz, or all the characters?

[evspixarfan2012]

Well, Villainess…I probably don’t know, specifically, what exactly we are referring to here, and I probably don’t have much else to say about this stuff…but I will be having more samples coming up this week. So maybe what I’ll do is I’ll write them as drafts before putting them up, and see what you think…on whether or not my writing of this “seemingly scattered” series would have improved a bit, in terms of the plot, mostly. After all, if I were to consider myself still a beginner writer, you know…most writers don’t always start out perfect, but they will eventually find themselves slowly improving overtime. You know what I’m saying here?

[Villainess]

I’m sorry, but I’m really not sure if I’ll be able to help further. There seems to be some communication trouble between us, so I’m probably not the best person to give you advice.

I might be able to try critiquing once more, but if there’s still problems with us understanding each other I probably won’t go on.

[evspixarfan2012]

Well guys, it’s now been over one year ago today from which this fan-fic was started. I may not have some up with something new to put down here at this time, but when I do have the chance I will be ready. Other than that, this fan-fic will continue (possibly)…but don’t forget to give me the feedback I desperately need most! (And I’m talking other members who have not yet come to this thread.)

–evspixarfan2012

[evspixarfan2012]

Chapter 2

The next morning at sunrise, a picnic breakfast was already being planned. But still there was conflict on whether or not to start building a house right away, or to wait just a few more days in order to further recover from such a long journey. But they also knew that if they were going to have their other friends and neighbors come on over, then they would have to start building their town as soon as possible. Which was something they would soon discuss while enjoying their breakfast.

Now Mike and Sulley were having a hard time deciding what would be good enough to eat:

“Would you like some fruit?” Sulley was asking, as Mike was giving some fish food to Nemo. He then turned to face the lamp playing with its ball, then back to Sullivan.

“What kind of fruit?” he asked.

“I have lot’s of different fruits to choose from,” said Sulley, as he reached into a sack.

“Then how about a mix? 'Cause I really can’t decide on which one,” said Mike.

“Okay.”

Then Sulley took his hand out of the sack, revealing a thing of sushi.

But Mike was not pleased.

“Sushi for breakfast? No! I’m saving that for when Celia gets here.”

“I know that,” Sullivan told Mike. “But I’m afraid that this sushi of yours might be going bad real soon, so I suggest you might as well eat it now before it does.”

Now his friend was showing a surprised look on his face.

“How can you be so sure?” he asked. “How could you be so sure that my sushi is suddenly getting close to going bad?”

Then Sulley just stood there, staring off into space. He thought and thought for a moment on what he would say, and then finally he turned back to his friend once more:

“Let’s just say you’ve had this thing kept inside our sack since the start of our journey,” he said to Mike. “And that now we have found ourselves a perfect spot to settle in, maybe now would be a good time for you to have it.”

“All right,” said Mike. “But now I’m starting to wonder what it would taste like after being cooked over a campfire.”

This surprised them both. Suddenly they realized that there was no oven or stove nearby, and they didn’t even have a grill! So it turns out, the green-eyed monster was right. Looks like they will just have to cook their sushi over a campfire.

So Mike and Sulley prepared the campfire site, making sure to get their other friends–the fish, the lamp, the toys and the ant–out of the way.

And Geri and Leo decided to join in as well.

(Okay, so maybe it’s not all that great…but wait 'till you see what other story I’ve got in mind!)

Sample Story

Violet was having a hard time trying to sleep. She kept waking up as if something in a dream was chasing her.

There she’d pace around the house, wondering why none of her friends and neighbors had come to her sleepover.

That is, until she noticed some kind of silouhette staring at her through the window. Yet she couldn’t really tell who it was…

So Violet went back to sleep, hoping to have a better dream. And she did. This time instead of waking up from being chased by something, she slept pretty good–having found herself in a huge field full of wild flowers, picking them as she’d go.

And there she would meet some animal friends along the way.

But what’s this? Was there someone calling for help?

Now Violet had thought she’d heard a voice, but she couldn’t really tell who it was.

Then she heard it again.

But there were so many beautiful flowers around her! It seemed so tempting enough, she didn’t want to leave the field.

But then all of the animal friends had disappeared right before her very eyes.

And then she heard the distant but desperate cry once more.

So Violet tried to get there as fast as she could, but the field was soon noticed to extend beyond the horizon. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find her way out of the field. Nor could she find her way to the source of the cry.

But then she woke right up again at that very moment…for someone had tapped on her shoulder.

• Er…does this look like a tiny bit of improvement to you?

[Villainess]

@evspixarfan2012

• Er…does this look like a tiny bit of improvement to you?

Well, in both of them the characters still sound very generic and interchangeable. It’s not in script format, that’s a good thing, but I’m not sure if you mean to dispose of its use altogether or if it’s just for these blurbs.

In the first one, nothing’s really happening. It’s just not very interesting to read about characters deciding what they’re going to eat. And it’s kind of confusing to be honest; first there’s fruit, then there’s sushi, and he doesn’t want to eat the sushi but then he does. It’s jumping all over. And I have no clue who “Leo” is.

The second one at least has something going on, but it just seems…stiff, I guess. Hard to explain. I think it reads like something that should be conveyed either with a lot more description, or in visuals, not in very basic prose.

And a few more specific things that bug at me, again:

1. Nemo, in a fish bowl, without Marlin. We spent an entire movie trying to get him out of a situation like that.

2. It’s fairly well established monsters eat rotten things, so the whole thing about worrying it might be bad is really pointless.

3. I’m not an expert, but I’m fairly certain sushi is supposed to be raw, and cooking it makes it not sushi anymore.

4. Who sees something staring at them through their window, and then immediately goes to sleep without checking who it is?

5. I’m not sure who Violet would have a sleep over with. As far as I know, the only other teen girl in Pixar’s works is Merida, but the wording implies more than one person. Molly, I guess, maybe, as she appears in Toy Story 3?

[evspixarfan2012]

Okayyy…maybe I need to take some time for further improvement or else take a very long break until then? 'Cause I believe what you’re saying here is that I seem to lack my knowledge for some of the elements included with this cross-over, and that…I don’t know. Maybe some research would help out? (I use Bing Search, actually. Maybe then my writing will get better like, after a while–after all, writers don’t always start out perfect, but they eventually improve their writing skills overtime. Exactly what’s happening to me with this fan-fic.)

Oh, and as for the characters:

Again, this is intended to be a cross-over fan-fic series on what it would be like if just about every well-known Pixar character (being that of the good guys) actually lived together in a small town–complete with neighborhoods, downtown area, and a park. (There is also a landfill.) Therefore, they all must require some way to get around the area, let alone understand each other’s communications, while living up to their unique standards based on subject type.

Therefore, the town citizens require all kinds of different ways to make sure that everything works out perfectly–in terms of not just getting around the area and/or be able to understand each other’s communications (think of this as like, translating)…but rather, the many opportunities to visit one another.

And I probably should stop with the running gags, too.

Now let me tell you what’s also intended with the story:

Imagine if just a few Pixar characters–a lamp, 2 toys, an ant, 2 monsters, and a fish, along with an old chess player and a tall blue bird–had journeyed for quite a while to find the perfect spot for building a town of their own. But first they need to build a house. Once they have finished with the house, the 2 monsters decide it was time to start building the town (by hand, of course, because I will certainly not include any use of construction vehicles whatsoever–therefore, I’d prefer if they had their town built without disturbing the land too much)–but first they have to make sure everyone is still there. And they are.

So while the 2 monsters are at work, their friends would constantly wish them the best of luck before and after every time they get further with the town building, and they may even try to encourage them to never give up on it, no matter what (except, of course, on certain weather conditions). But then they soon notice that the unicycle (along with a snowman in a snowglobe) have just moved in–and apparently, so did the other 4 birds (the smaller ones). A little while later, the other monsters start moving in–bringing with them the other toys, the other bugs, and the other fish (and Boo, of course!). With all the many move-ins comes a great deal of teamwork…and the whole town, complete with neighborhoods, downtown area, and a park, would soon be finished in no time.

And when the town was finished to the point where it could finally be named, a little inspiration would’ve come from the lamp itself…and that’s how it got the name “LuxoVille”.

*This would be a great representation of Pixar’s early days, being that of their first half-a-dozen short films and that of their first 5 feature films–therefore, these guys would be the first to move in to their new town. (After all, perhaps the bigger subjects would’ve had to carry the smaller subjects around…right?)

–evspixarfan2012

[Villainess]

Okay, sorry it took me so long to do this.

@evspixarfan2012

Okayyy…maybe I need to take some time for further improvement or else take a very long break until then? 'Cause I believe what you’re saying here is that I seem to lack my knowledge for some of the elements included with this cross-over, and that…I don’t know. Maybe some research would help out? (I use Bing Search, actually. Maybe then my writing will get better like, after a while–after all, writers don’t always start out perfect, but they eventually improve their writing skills overtime. Exactly what’s happening to me with this fan-fic.)

Most of my small complaints were things from the movies. When was the last time you watched them?

Oh, and as for the characters:

Again, this is intended to be a cross-over fan-fic series on what it would be like if just about every well-known Pixar character (being that of the good guys) actually lived together in a small town–complete with neighborhoods, downtown area, and a park.

Yes, I know.

(There is also a landfill.) Therefore, they all must require some way to get around the area, let alone understand each other’s communications, while living up to their unique standards based on subject type.

Have you already implemented this? Cause, I don’t remember any indication anyone was using special transportation or had a unique living standard. I mean, you’ve got fish characters yelling at stand up acts…

let alone understand each other’s communications,

They already understand each others’ communications.

Therefore, the town citizens require all kinds of different ways to make sure that everything works out perfectly–in terms of not just getting around the area and/or be able to understand each other’s communications (think of this as like, translating)…but rather, the many opportunities to visit one another.

The only characters that should need transport and visiting help are the bugs, fish and the cars may or not need the latter. In the former’s case, I strongely suggest you make them bigger, a la their Disney World counterparts. They’re not going to be able to partake in anything except screaming in one other character’s ear unless you do so. For the other two, what did you have in mind? Cause the stories themselves aren’t giving me anything.

And I probably should stop with the running gags, too.

Now let me tell you what’s also intended with the story:

Imagine if just a few Pixar characters–a lamp, 2 toys, an ant, 2 monsters, and a fish, along with an old chess player and a tall blue bird–had journeyed for quite a while to find the perfect spot for building a town of their own.

Okay, so did these guys come from somewhere? Did they spring into existence in our world? Are they living in a world filled with cartoons a la “Toon Town”? Where have they been before this? Why’d it take them eight years to think “Maybe we should have somewhere to live”?

But first they need to build a house. Once they have finished with the house, the 2 monsters decide it was time to start building the town (by hand, of course, because I will certainly not include any use of construction vehicles whatsoever–therefore, I’d prefer if they had their town built without disturbing the land too much)–but first they have to make sure everyone is still there. And they are.

So while the 2 monsters are at work, their friends would constantly wish them the best of luck before and after every time they get further with the town building, and they may even try to encourage them to never give up on it, no matter what (except, of course, on certain weather conditions). But then they soon notice that the unicycle (along with a snowman in a snowglobe) have just moved in–and apparently, so did the other 4 birds (the smaller ones). A little while later, the other monsters start moving in–bringing with them the other toys, the other bugs, and the other fish (and Boo, of course!). With all the many move-ins comes a great deal of teamwork…and the whole town, complete with neighborhoods, downtown area, and a park, would soon be finished in no time.

And when the town was finished to the point where it could finally be named, a little inspiration would’ve come from the lamp itself…and that’s how it got the name “LuxoVille”.

Again, I don’t want to be mean, but this all is really kind of pointless.

And especially of note is all these characters hanging around when Mike and Sulley are doing everything. If they aren’t going to be important in some way, they shouldn’t really be there; that’s usually a pretty basic storytelling rule.

This is also severely underestimating Buzz and Woody’s abilities; they may be small, but they’re resourceful. They wouldn’t be completely useless.

*This would be a great representation of Pixar’s early days, being that of their first half-a-dozen short films and that of their first 5 feature films–therefore, these guys would be the first to move in to their new town. (After all, perhaps the bigger subjects would’ve had to carry the smaller subjects around…right?)

For the Birds is their sixth short. And the selection here seems really random. Why their first five films (I understand first, but why five)? Why two toys and monsters, but only one fish (How, by the way?) and ant? I presume you’re talking main characters, so I’m assuming the ant and fish are Flik and Marlin, in which case, the former has a wife and the latter has a kid. Where are they? Why have they left them alone? If nothing else, wouldn’t it make more sense for Atta to come, since she can fly?

[evspixarfan2012]

@Villainess

Okay, sorry it took me so long to do this.

For the Birds is their sixth short. And the selection here seems really random. Why their first five films (I understand first, but why five)? Why two toys and monsters, but only one fish (How, by the way?) and ant? I presume you’re talking main characters, so I’m assuming the ant and fish are Flik and Marlin, in which case, the former has a wife and the latter has a kid. Where are they? Why have they left them alone? If nothing else, wouldn’t it make more sense for Atta to come, since she can fly?

Oh, but the other characters will move into the town…eventually! Just wait and see…

So you want me to continue with this fan-fic then? Or is it really just time for me to quit?

[PixarDude]

I don’t want to barge in on this, but I’d like to see you keep going

[evspixarfan2012]

All right…but I’ve already made my decision for this thread : I quit.

[Villainess]

Sorry to say I can’t say I’m against that decision. It really doesn’t seem to be working out.