I love VeggieTales. 
“Salt Lake City, not just a story mama told.
But a village in Utah, where the roofs are thatched with gold”
-Nabulungi, The Book of Mormon The Musical
“I’m not well read, But when I read, I read well.”
-Kurt Cobain
^Great quote! He will be missed. 
“I’ll always walk around like a Persian popinjay, and no one’s gonna stop me, honey.”
- Freddie Mercury
Liane: I’m not sure how the rest of the evening went, but the next morning I was pregnant with you!
Cartman: Wow! So where is Chief Running Water, erm, my Dad now?
Liane: I’m not sure, I haven’t talked to him since. I wasn’t really that interested in him.
Cartman: …That’s not a very romantic story Mom!
-South Park
“You’ll be surpirsed what a man can do with the proper motivation.”
Elliot Spencer, Leverage.
(Comforting a little girl in a hospital bed)
“I’m Annie Frost, US Marshal. I’m looking for the man who murdered your family. I’m gonna catch him… so you can sleep at night instead of wondering.”
- Annie Frost (Kelli Giddish), Chase
Diddy Kong: “Do you think Cranky brushes his teeth before or after he takes them out?”
Donkey Kong: “I don’t know, little buddy. Seems like there’s a lot I don’t know.”
Diddy Kong: “Don’t sweat it, DK. You’ll find out when you’re as old as Cranky.”
– Donkey Kong Country, Legend of the Crystal Coconut
I’m sorry, but this just sounded too funny. Most funniness comes from Captain Skurvy in that episode though 
Cashier: “Don’t you know anything? Where are you from anyways, Iowa?”
Lisa: “No, I’m from Utah!”
Cashier: “Oh. Sorry about that.”
-Orgazmo
ROFLOL. I wonder if this was intended to be as hilarious as it sounds.
“Sometimes when you try pleasing everypony, you end up pleasing nopony, including yourself.”
- Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”
Albus Dumbledore, Veritaserum
“Oh hey, we were just rehearsing a scene for the upcoming company play called Put that Thing back Where it Came From or so Help Me!”
Mike, Monsters Inc
“Time is short, and unless the few of us who know the truth stand united, there is no hope for any of us.”
Albus Dumbledore, The Parting of the Ways
“I have just finished reading the heartwarming children’s novel Go Dog Go
I found it a compelling and disturbing look into the canine pshyche.”
-Officer Barbrady, South Park
“Never forget where you came from.”
- Emilio Restrepo, Colombiana
“It had ter happen. Well, now it has, an’ we’ll jus’ have ter get on with it.”
Rubeus Hagrid, The Beginning
“…I hopes he asks us about that.”
“You know what I hopes he asks us? ‘Can I give you guys 20 bucks?’”
both laugh hysterically
Two weirdo guys I heard in Wal-Mart. 
Vernon Dursley: What were you doing under our window, boy?
Harry Potter: Listening to the news.
Vernon Dursley: Listening to the news! Again?
Harry Potter: Well, it changes every day, you see.
Dudley Demented
“I’m all for taking chances. But you have to make sure you don’t get caught. You have to know if the risk is worth the penalty.”- Kevin Harvick.
“Do your lot have the death penalty?”
A hopeful Vernon Dursley inquiring about Harry Potter’s punishment, A Peck of Owls