Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
-Michael, The Office
Danny is tied up in a chair. Spike faces him, gun in hand, cocks the hammer.
Spike: This ends today.
Danny: A war isn’t over until both sides say it is.
Danny decks Spike in a leg sweep, flips his chair onto Spike’s back, and takes a running leap out of a window.
“You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time!”
Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight
There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, “what if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?” He said, “if I’m dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.”
-Pam, The Office
“A friend is only a known enemy.”
-Kurdt Cobain
“Don’t put your wand there, boy! What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!”
Alastor Mad-Eye Moody, The Advance Guard
I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.
-Kyle, South Park
George Weasley: Hello, Harry. We thought we heard your dulcet tones.
Fred Weasley: You don’t want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out. There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn’t hear you.
Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place
Elder Brown: You mean lie? That’s crazy! Mormons don’t like!
Elder Thomas: I lied once, and had a dream that I went to Hell! It was spooky.
Elder Smith: You had the scary Hell dream too?
Elder McKinley: Look guys, we’ve ALL had the Spooky Mormon Hell Dream! I have it nightly.
-Book of Mormon, The Musical
Opposite Harry, Tonks was entertaining Hermione and Ginny by transforming her nose between mouthfuls. Screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry’s bedroom, her nose swelled to a beak-like protuberance that resembled Snape’s, shrank to the size of a button mushroom and then sprouted a great deal of hair from each nostril.
Apparently this was a regular mealtime entertainment, because Hermione and Ginny were soon requesting their favorite noses.
“Do that one like a pig snout, Tonks.”
Tonks obliged, and Harry, looking up, had the fleeting impression that a female Dudley was grinning at him from across the table.
The Order of the Phoenix
“Someone’s Gonna Pay!” - Emile, equipped with Rocket Launcher, Firefight matches.
“Size is no guarantee of power. Look at Ginny. You’ve never been on the receiving end of one of her Bat-Bogey hexes, have you?”
George Weasley, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
“Where are we?”
“The Foothills.”
“The Foothills of what?”
“The Foothills of the Headlands.”
Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them. Because they’re unfair.
-Andy, The Office
“It’s no longer a blue world Max. Where could we go?”
“…Argentina?”
Cartman: What if Ms. Crabtree doesn’t come back, and we’re stuck here forever!
Kyle: No, that wouldn’t happen. We wouldn’t be here forever, because we’d die after a couple days."
-South Park
“Wikipedia, is the best thing ever. Everyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know, you are getting the best possible information.”
Michael Scott, The Office
“We thought it was a bog-standard chicken until it started breathing fire.”
Bob, The Ministry of Magic
Kubert - “I heard drinking makes you dumb.”
Fry- “No-I’m-Doesn’t.”
“He thought she looked just like a large, pale toad. She was rather squat with a broad, flabby face, as little neck as Uncle Vernon and a very wide, slack mouth. Her eyes were large, round and slightly bulging. Even the little black velvet bow perched on top of her short curly hair put him in mind of a large fly she was about to catch on a long sticky tongue.”
Harry Potter’s first thoughts on Dolores Umbridge, The Hearing