“It unscrews the other way.”
Minerva McGonagall, teaching Peeves how to do mischief, Grawp
“You know, For kids!”
The Nostalgia Critic
"He might as well have tried to see moving pictures in the desktop as the stubbornly blank crystal ball; he lost his head completely during tea-leaf reading, saying it looked to him as though Professor Marchbanks would shortly be meeting a round, dark, soggy stranger, and rounded off the whole fiasco by mixing up the life and head lines on her palm and informing her that she ought to have died the previous Tuesday.
(…)
Ron made Harry feel rather better by telling him how he told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in his crystal ball, only to look up and realize he had been describing his examiner’s reflection."
O.W.L.s
“A bat credit card?!”
The Nostalgia Critic
“Well, well, well! Little Miss Question-all is going to give us some answers!”
Dolores Umbridge, Out of the Fire
“You can’t judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won.”
-Sharon Marsh, South Park
Stan: “What did the Terms & Conditions for the last update say?”
Kyle: “I don’t know! I didn’t read them!”
Butters: “You didn’t read them?”
Kyle: “Who the hell reads that entire thing every time it pops up?”
Stan: “I do.”
Clyde: “Me too.”
Kyle: “You’re telling me that every time you download an update from iTunes, you read the entire Terms & Conditions?”
Jimmy: “Of course!”
Butters: “Well how do you know if you agree to something if you don’t read it?”
- The Human CentIPad, S15E01, South Park
“HERMY! WHERE HAGGER?”
Grawp, Fight and Flight
“God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time”.
– (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)
“Men have always joked about farts and we in fact name our farts.”
Randy Marsh, South Park
“That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh. Which is it, I wonder?”
– (Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)
I had to go to the doctor for a physical and when I left he gave me a prescription. he wrote, ‘Do a comedy’.-Ryan Gosling after doing Blue Valentine.
S.P.T. to A.P.W.B.D.
Dark Lord and (?)Harry Potter
The Prophecy’s label, The Department of Mysteries.
“Despite all the amputations, you know you could just dance to the rock’n’roll station…”
- Lou Reed, Rock and Roll
“Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother has got the hots for me?”
Marty Mcfly, Back to the Future
“And Harry saw the look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather’s wasted, once-handsome face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered for a moment as though in a high wind and then fell back into place.”
Sirius Black [spoil]death scene[/spoil], Beyond the Veil
I LOVE the awkwardness of that scene, and how Marty thinks it’s perfectly fine to openly have that conversation in the middle of a highschool hallway! 
“Indeed, your failure to understand that there are things much worse than death has always been your greatest weakness.”
Albus Dumbledore to Lord Voldemort, The Only One He Ever Feared
TDIT & Pixarfan: Nice South Park quotes!
“This is awesome, being rugged Outdoorsmen. Being in the forest, not having to be back home until 8:30…”
-Kyle, South Park
“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches … born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies … and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not … and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives … the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies …”
The Lost Prophecy