When I was very young, I was foolish enough to believe that our Creed would bring an end to all these conflicts. If only I had possessed the humility to say to myself, I have seen enough for one life, I’ve done my part. Then again, there is no greater glory than fighting to find the truth.
-Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad, Assassin’s Creed
(Bart answers the door)
Deliveryman #1: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: That’s me.
Deliveryman #1: (punches Bart in the face.) Don’t write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
(The doorbell rings Bart answers it)
Squeaky-voiced Teen: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: Uh that’s me.
Squeaky-voiced Teen: (punches Bart in the face) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
(The doorbell rings)
Deliveryman #2: (through the door) Homer Simpson! I’ve got a uh… special delivery for you.
Bart: Go away.
Deliveryman #2: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson, I cannot give you your special delivery.
(Bart sees it’s his animation cell that he ordered)
Deliveryman #2: Here’s your special delivery.
Bart: Thanks…
Deliveryman #2: (punches Bart in the face) And that’s for keeping me waiting.
“You don’t know who I am. You’ll… neveeer… see me coming!”
“Shut up, brain! I’ve got friends now. I don’t need you anymore.”
Lisa Simpson
We work in the dark, to serve the light. We are Assassins.
-Assassins, Assassin’s Creed
Homer: And you didn’t think I’d make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus.
Marge: While you were out “earning” that dollar, you lost 40 dollars by not going into work. The plant called and said if you don’t come in tomorrow, don’t bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! A four-day weekend!
I have lived my life as best I could, not knowing its purpose, but drawn forward like a moth to a distant moon; and here at last, I discover a strange truth. That I am only a conduit, for a message that eludes my understanding.
―Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Assassin’s Creed
Lisa: I appreciate the offer, but it goes against every moral fiber in my body.
Bart: Suit yourself. If you change your mind, here’s my card.
Lisa: I don’t need a card. You live in the room next to me.
Bart: Note: next year, order fewer cards.
"‘What do you desire, foster-son?’ said Thingol, and guessed that he would ask for nothing small.
‘Mail, sword, and shield of my stature, lord,’ answered Turin. ‘Also by your leave I will now reclaim the Dragon-helm of my sires.’
‘These you shall have,’ said Thingol. ‘But what need have you yet of such arms?’
‘The need of a man,’ said Turin; ‘and of a son who has kin to remember. And I need also companions valiant in arms.’
‘I will appoint you a place among my knights of the sword, for the sword will ever be your weapon,’ said Thingol. ‘With them you may make trial of war upon the marches, if that is your desire.’
‘Beyond the marches of Doriath my heart urges me,’ said Turin. ‘For onset against our foe I long, rather than defence.’
‘Then you must go alone,’ said Thingol. ‘The part of my people in the war with Angband I rule according to my wisdom, Turin son of Hurin. No force of the arms of Doriath will I send out at this time; nor at any time that I can yet foresee.’
‘Yet you are free to go as you will, son of Morwen,’ said Melian. ‘The Girdle of Melian does not hinder the going of those that passed in with our leave.’
‘Unless wise counsel will restrain you,’ said Thingol. ‘What is your counsel, lord?’ said Turin.
‘A Man you seem in stature, and indeed more than many already,’ Thingol answered; ‘but nonetheless you have not come to the fullness of your manhood that shall be. Until that is achieved, you should be patient, testing and training your strength. Then, maybe, you can remember your kin; but there is little hope that one Man alone can do more against the Dark Lord than to aid the Elf-lords in their defence, as long as that may last.’"
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”.
Ralph Wiggum.
"“Truly there can; nowhere be found the equal of Lord Smaug the Impenetrable. What magnificence to possess a waistcoat of fine diamonds!”
“Yes, it is rare and wonderful, indeed,” said Smaug absurdly pleased. He did not know that the hobbit had already caught a glimpse of his peculiar under-covering on his previous visit, and was itching for a closer view for reasons of his own. The dragon rolled over. “Look!” he said. “What do you say to that?”"
Mr. Taylor: Hi, Lisa, I’m Alison’s father, Professor Taylor. I’ve heard great things about you.
Lisa: Oh, really? I…
Mr. Taylor: Oh, don’t be modest. I’m glad we have someone who can join us in our anagram game.
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person.
Mr. Taylor: Like, er…Oh, I don’t know, uh…Alec Guinness.
Alison: Genuine class.
Mr. Taylor: Ho ho, very good. Alright, Lisa, um…Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: Uh, Jeremy’s…iron.
Mr. Taylor: Mm hmm, well, that’s…very good…for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you’d like to bounce it?
"‘He will not go away or go to sleep at your command, Smeagol,’ said Frodo. ‘But if you really wish to be free of him again. then you must help me. And that I fear means finding us a path towards him. But you need not go all the way, not beyond the gates of his land.’
Gollum sat up again and looked at him under his eyelids. ‘He’s over there,’ he cackled. ‘Always there. Orcs will take you all the way. Easy to find Orcs east of the River. Don’t ask Smeagol. Poor, poor Smeagol, he went away long ago. They took his Precious, and he’s lost now.’
‘Perhaps we’ll find him again, if you come with us,’ said Frodo.
‘No, no, never! He’s lost his Precious,’ said Gollum.
‘Get up!’ said Frodo.
Gollum stood up and backed away against the cliff.
‘Now!’ said Frodo. ‘Can you find a path easier by day or by night? We’re tired; but if you choose the night, we’ll start tonight.’
‘The big lights hurt our eyes, they do,’ Gollum whined. ‘Not under the White Face, not yet. It will go behind the hills soon, yess. Rest a bit first, nice hobbits!’
‘Then sit down,’ said Frodo, ‘and don’t move!’"
“The results are in: for Sideshow Bob, one hundred percent; and for Joe Quimby, one percent. And, we remind you, there is a one percent margin of error.”
Kent Brockman
“You’re not a man. You’re nothing more than a maniac. I’m not afraid of you! No politics here… just good old-fashioned revenge!”
Bart: You know, with the way you’re treating me, why should I protect you?
Jessica: Because, if you tell, no one will believe you. Remember I’m the sweet, perfect minister’s daughter and you’re just yellow trash.
“Things are different now. I’ve to protect the one thing that I can’t live without. That’s you.”
Skinner: Alright, first academic alert. Wiggum, Ralph.
Ralph: I won, I won!
Skinner: No, no, Ralph. This means you’re failing English.
Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible!
“Come on everypony, smile, smile, smile!
Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine
All I really need’s a smile, smile, smile
From these happy friends of mine
Yes, a perfect gift for me
Is a smile as wide as a mile
To make me happy as can be
Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile
Come on and smile!
Come on and… smile!”
“We won! We won! Unfortunately, since I bet on the other team, we won’t be going out for pizza.”
Chief Wiggum