Kel, leave him alone so he can go get our food.
But I wanna pet his parrot!
–Kenan & Kel
Marge: Homer! Did you tell the mafia they could eliminate my competitors with savage beatings and attempted murder?
Homer: In those words? Yes.
Indoor plumbing…it’s gonna be big.
–Hercules
Marge: Don’t worry, kids. This is a national park. We can have lots of fun!
Ranger: Oh, I’m afraid that’s no longer true, ma’am. Budget cutbacks have forced us to eliminate anything the least bit entertaining.
Guru Pathik: The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same.
Aang: Like the four nations?
Guru Pathik: Yes. We are all one people. But we live as if divided.
-Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book 2 episode 19, The Guru
Bart: I have a watch with a minute hand.
Smithers: All right, you can come. What time is it?
Bart: 12:80. No wait. Wait. What comes after 12?
Smithers: 1.
Bart: No, after 12!
“Legends are lessons. They ring with truths. Our kingdom is young; our stories are not yet legends, but in them, our bonds were struck.”
- Merida, Brave
Ra’s Al Ghul: “If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, and if they can’t stop you, then you become something else entirely.”
Bruce Wayne: “Which is?”
Ra’s Al Ghul: “Legend, Mr. Wayne. A legend.”
- a conversation from “Batman Begins”
“People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and I can’t do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I’m flesh and blood, I can be ignored, I can be destroyed; but as a symbol… as a symbol I can be incorruptible, I can be everlasting.”
- Bruce Wayne, Batman Begins
“Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they’ll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer.”
May Parker, Spider-Man 2
Sharry Bobbins: Hello, I’m Sharry Bobbins.
Homer: Did you say Mary Pop—?
Sharry Bobbins: No! I definitely did not! I’m an original creation, like Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck.
Dr. John Watson: “Try and remember there’s a woman who might die.”
Sherlock Holmes: “What for? There’re hospitals full of people dying, Doctor. Why don’t you go cry by their bedside and see what good it does them?”
Dr. John Watson: “There are lives at stake Sherlock. Actual human lives. Jus-Just so I know, do you care about that at all?”
Sherlock Holmes: “Will caring about them help save them?”
Dr. John Watson: “Nope.”
Sherlock Holmes: “Then I’ll continue to not make that mistake.”
Dr. John Watson: “And you find that easy, do you?”
Sherlock Holmes: “Yes. Very. Is that news to you?”
Dr. John Watson: “No. No.”
Sherlock Holmes: “I’ve disappointed you.”
Dr. John Watson: “Good. That’s good deduction. Yeah.”
Sherlock Holmes: “Don’t make people into heroes, John. Heroes don’t exist; and if they did, I wouldn’t be one of them.”
- Sherlock, “BBC’s Sherlock”
Lisa: Umm…excuse me, there is nothing wrong with “Itchy & Scratchy,” but after so many years, the characters lose something of their impact.
Roger Myers Jr. : That’s it. That’s it, little girl! You’ve saved “Itchy & Scratchy”!
Blue Haired Lawyer: Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save “Itchy & Scratchy.”
Sherlock Holmes: “Look at them. They all care so much. Do you ever wonder if there’s something wrong with us?”
Mycroft Holmes: “All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock.”
[b]Mycroft Holmes:[/b] "Here you are, the dominatrix who brought a nation to its knees. Nicely played."
[b]Sherlock Holmes:[/b] "No."
[b]Irene Adler:[/b] "Sorry?"
[b]Sherlock Holmes:[/b] "I said, no. Very very close, but no. You got carried away. The game was too elaborate. You were enjoying yourself too much."
[b]Irene Adler:[/b] "No such thing as too much."
[b]Sherlock Holmes:[/b] "Oh enjoying the thrill of the chase is fine. Craving the distraction of the game, I sympathize entirely. But Sentiment? Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side."
[b]Irene Adler:[/b] "Sentiment? What are you talking about?"
[b]Sherlock Holmes:[/b] "You."
[b]Irene Adler:[/b] "Oh, dear God. Look at the poor man. You don't actually think I was interested in you? Why? Because you're the great Sherlock Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat?"
[b]Sherlock Holmes:[/b] "No... [i][Takes her hand and leans in to whisper][/i] ...because I took your pulse. Elevated. Your pupils dilated. I imagine John Watson thinks love’s a mystery to me, but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very destructive. When we first met, you told me that a disguise is always a self-portrait; how true of you, the combination to your safe – your measurements. [Holds up her phone] But this, this is far more intimate. This is your heart, and you should never let it rule your head. [i][He starts entering digits][/i] You could have chosen any random number and walked out of here today with everything you worked for. But you just couldn't resist it, could you? I've always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof."
[i][She grabs his hand, desperate. Tears are starting to form][/i]
[b]Irene Adler:[/b] "Everything I said. It's not real. I was just playing the game."
[b]Sherlock Holmes:[/b] "I know. And this is just losing."
[i][He holds up her phone, having finally deduced her password. It reads
[b]I AM
S-H-E-R
LOCKED[/b]][/i]
[b]- BBC's Sherlock, A Scandal in Belgravia[/b]
That scene was so epic I had to quote the entire scene to display its glory.
"To Sherlock Holmes she is always the woman. I have seldom heard him mention her under any other name. In his eyes she eclipses and predominates the whole of her sex.
It was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler. All emotions, and that one particularly, were abhorrent to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind. He was, I take it, the most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen, but as a lover he would have placed himself in a false position. He never spoke of the softer passions, save with a gibe and a sneer. They were admirable things for the observer — excellent for drawing the veil from men’s motives and actions. But for the trained reasoner to admit such intrusions into his own delicate and finely adjusted temperament was to introduce a distracting factor which might throw a doubt upon all his mental results. Grit in a sensitive instrument, or a crack in one of his own high-power lenses, would not be more disturbing than a strong emotion in a nature such as his.
And yet there was but one woman to him, and that woman was the late Irene Adler, of dubious and questionable memory."
- John Watson, A Scandal in Bohemia
Krusty: So he’s proactive, huh?
Network Executive Lady: Oh, God, yes. We’re talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
Writer: Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing you of anything like that. I’m fired, aren’t I?
Roger Myers Jr.: Oh, yes.
“Do you know what a duvet is? It’s a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then? Right. We are consumers. We’re the bi-products of a lifestyle obsession.”
“I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God*******, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy s*** we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. No we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”
“If our father is our basis for God, and our fathers abandoned us, then what does that tell you about God?”
“All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I f*** like you wanna f***, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.”
- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
“There’s the television. It’s all right there — all right there. Look, listen, kneel, pray. Commercials! We’re not productive anymore. We don’t make things anymore. It’s all automated. What are we for then? We’re consumers. Yeah. Okay, okay. Buy a lot of stuff, you’re a good citizen. But if you don’t buy a lot of stuff, if you don’t, what are you then, I ask you? What? Mentally ill. Fact, Jim, fact — if you don’t buy things: toilet paper, new cars, computerized yo-yos, electrically-operated s**ual devices, stereo systems with brain-implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature built-in radar devices, voice-activated computers…”
- Jeffery Goines, 12 Monkeys
Homer: Will this episode be going to air live?
June Bellamy: No, Homer, very few cartoons go to air live. It’s a tremendous strain on the animator’s wrist.
“Psychiatry: it’s the latest religion. We decide what’s right and wrong. We decide who’s crazy or not.”
- Dr. Kathryn Railly, 12 Monkeys
“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
Homer Simpson.
I don’t need the Prince Charming to have my own happy ending.
-Katy Perry
Homer: We’re going out, Marge! If we don’t come back, avenge our deaths!
Marge: All right!
Philip Banks: No, no. I don’t mean that. It smells like…cheap cologne and fried chicken.
Jazz: I resent that.
–The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Bart: I guess we could go to Martin’s party.
Milhouse: I don’t know. If we’re seen there, it will definitely take our social standing down a notch.
Bart: We’re what now, 3?
Milhouse: 3 and a half. We get beat up, but we get an explanation.