You’re welcome, TSS 
! I can’t wait to see what happens to Violet and Tony in the next chapter 
!
Expect it sometime at the end of the week Vi. Hopefully, I’ll get more favorable reviews this time. but that’s up to me as an author.
Another great chapter, TSS! I didn’t mind the slow pace so far, as I can tell this story is more of a slow-boiler, than an action-packed thrill-ride (although some chapters are the very definition of that!).
I love the way how you did the backstories for the villains. I would have liked to know why Metamorph was locked up by the Supers (and I’m hoping you’d explain that in some way if you haven’t already planned it, sometime down the road).
I’m attending a scriptwriting class this semester, and one advice the teacher gave was that every character doesn’t come into the story a blank slate. They have had experiences, and perceptions shaped by those very experiences before they enter the ‘stage’, and it’s your job as the writer to make it clear to the reader their dreams, desires, fears, and motivations. And so far, TSS, you’re doing a great job.
Grammar-wise, it’s impeccable, save for the extra apostrophe in this sentence:
Other than that minor nitpick, I have no criticisms for this chapter. A little slow, yes, but it was worth it to gain an insight, whether it is in the layout of the NSA building, or the histories of the bad guys in this tale. Just keep proofreading your chapters (I assume you did a thorough check for this one, since I only spotted one mistake as pointed out above), and always remember to engage the reader and get them to emphatise with the characters.
Wow…this story has taken off since my departure…but count me back in as a devoted fan.
I love the quick action paced adventure that you continue to bring to the Parr family although it sometimes seems too short and rather abrupt…but that depends mostly on the writer and the reader. I think that the dialogue is a little off for the Incredibles but with age change you could get by with it…
Villian-4.5 stars…Villians always seem to be one of your strongpoints…nice job getting diverce bad guys with different abilities.
Supers-4 stars…typical Parr family superhero work…great how you always seem to include Rick on the stories…although you could use Jack-Jack or another super like Frozone to keep the characters intristing…
Storyline-3.5 stars…after reading countless versions tof Incredibles…robots and cloning seem usual.
Writing/Editing-4.5 stars…great quality as usual
Overall-I can’t say this is better or worse then Syndromes Return…only time will tell.
4 Stars
TDIT: I am glad to read your comments. I can already tell that this story contains a lot less action than my previous one. however, with two more stories to go after this one, I can assume that it should change.
To be honest with the readers, you might not get any high adrenaline action chapters for a while. However, I promise some intensity build up within the next three.
Al-bob: I nearly had a heart attack when i say low numbers. but that was when I realized that you were doing it on a five scale. Silly me. I am glad you are enjoying it so far.
LOL…yah didn’t feel like doing 10 star ratings at the moment…my brain is still full from all the Incredibles Ideas i came up with yesterday. Incredibles 3 should be AWESOME!!!
Here it is everyone. The most romantc and tender chapter in this whole story.
Chapter 12: The Date
The days have gone by fast. Before Violet knew it, it was Friday. She was super excited and a tad bit anxious about her date with Tony. She sat in her desk, staring at the clock, watching the seconds tick away.
“Come on . . . come on . . . hurry up . . .”
Finally, “RRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG”
The bell finally rang. Violet got out of her seat and walked quickly to the parking lot. She refused to stop at her locker or to talk with Kari. Violet waited impatiently in the parking lot. She would anxiously look for her mother’s car. Minutes later, Helen arrived. Violet dashed into her car and hastily buckled her seatbelt. It took Helen twenty minutes to drive back home. All the while, Violet’s mind was scattered among many thoughts: What to wear, what to do, and what to eat.
//////////\
Never in a long time had Violet been so eager for a date with Tony. A few days ago, after Tony asked her out, Violet returned home. Immediately, she asked Helen if she could go with Tony. Helen was a little hesitant this time to allow Violet to go with Tony. She, Dash, Bob and Violet were scheduled for patrolling on that Friday night. Violet implored to her mother to let her go. After minutes of listening and nodding, Helen told Violet that she would talk about it with Bob.
“She deserves some time off Bob.” Helen told her husband. “She has been working really hard in her school and has been showing dramatic improvement. She has proven to us that she could balance school and her Super duties.”
“I don’t know honey.” replied Bob. “What if we need her? What would happen if something happens to her on her date?”
Helen rolled her eyes. “She’ll be fine Bob. She is grown up now. She can take care of herself.”
Bob nodded. “I know. But I worry about her Helen. I’m just concerned for her well-being.”
Helen walked up to her husband and wrapped her arms around her. “I know Bob. But she’s growing up. We can’t protect her forever. We have to trust her . . . I trust her.”
//////////\
Violet stood in her room in front of her mirror. She had on dark blue jeans, held up with a thin belt with a pink thin line zigzagging across the leather. She wore white sweater jacket, smooth as a baby and zipped five-sixths up. She had on pink heals that rose her up about half an inch. A pink headband was placed on her head, pulling her hair back behind her ears.
Her mother allowed Violet to let her use her make-up. Violet put a dash of blush on and some eyeliner. Helen asked her daughter if she would want to use lipstick, but Violet objected, believing her make-up would look too strong on her.
Violet took a long good look in the mirror. After a few minutes of brushing and preening herself, Violet smiled. “Tony is going to love this.”
“Okay Violet. Now you go have fun okay?” said Helen, cooking dinner in the kitchen while Violet waited for Tony to arrive. “Make sure to call us in case there is an emergency.”
Violet grinned. “Mom, I can take care of myself.”
Helen nodded. “I know you can. Speaking of which, you know we have patrolling tonight right?”
“But mom!!!” complained the young girl.
“Don’t worry. Let me finish.” said Helen. “Your father and I talked and we decided to allow you to take tonight off. You don’t have to worry about us. Just enjoy yourself.”
Violet was ecstatic to hear the news. She gave her mom a giant hug.
“Thank you mom.”
Helen laughed. “I love you too sweetie.”
At that moment, the doorbell rang. Violet rushed to the door. She stopped in her tracks when she saw her little brother about to answer it.
“DASH, IF YOU ANSWER THAT DOOR, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!” she yelled.
Dash sniggered before making his way to the kitchen. Violet sighed as she could hear her mom reminding her not to scream in the house.
Violet answered the door. There stood Tony Rydinger to her delight. He had on a dark blue turtleneck long-sleeved shirt, and black jeans. His hair was neatly combed and gelled. He stood with his hands in his pockets, with a charming smile on his face.
“Hi Tony.” greeted Violet.
“Hey Vi. You ready to go?”
Violet nodded. Both teens made their way to Mr. Rydinger’s car. It was a small, black car, room enough for four passengers. Tony politely opened the door for Violet. After making her way in, Tony followed in after her.
“Hello Violet.” said Mr. Rydinger. “You look really nice this evening.”
“Thank you sir.” Violet replied with a smile. She then turned to Tony. “So, what’s the plan?”
“You’ll see. . . you’ll see.”
The drive to their destination was about an hour and fifteen minutes long. This was all due to rush hour traffic on the freeway. Throughout the drive, Tony and Violet had plenty of stuff to talk about. They gossiped about school, teachers, the cheerleaders, jocks, even their best friend Kari was thrown into the mix.
Eventually, they arrived at the Metroville Carnival, held right by the pier. Violet was dazzled by the bright, flashing lights, the fun rides, and the smiles of people. Tony’s dad dropped the teens by the entrance. Tony and Violet made their way out of the car, thanked Mr. Rydinger, and then walked inside.
After paying for their admission, Tony asked Violet, “What would you like to ride first?”
Violet looked all around. Every ride and game looked so fun. Suddenly, she heard a rumble from her stomach. Violet playfully rubbed her tummy, smiling at Tony.
“I guess I’m a little hungry. We can eat first then have fun later.”
Tony nodded. The couple made their way toward a food stand. Tony bought a hamburger and a cola. Violet purchased a corndog and a bottle of water. Tony offered to pay for her food, but Violet kindly refused. They sat down on a bench, happily devouring their food.
After dinner, both decided to have some fun. Tony and Violet strolled all around the carnival. They decided to play the carnival games first. A wide selection of games was found: ring toss, baseball bottle throw, basketball shot, balloon and darts, and a water-shooting game. Tony and Violet laughed as they played and enjoyed every game.
Violet didn’t win any of the games, but thanks to Tony’s quarterback arm hitting the bottles off of the pedestal, he was able to win her a giant teddy bear. It was a brown bear, twice the size of Jack-Jack. Its cute, enormous eyes made Violet squeal.
After fumbling and tumbling in the fun house, the two decided to go on the rides. They rode the merry-go-round, roller coaster, a giant pirate ship that swings back and forward, bumper cars, and the tilt-a-whirl.
After riding the tilt-a-whirl, Tony checked his watch. It was about 8:30 PM. His father would pick them up in half an hour. Tony looked all around the carnival, finding a way to spend the last thirty minutes before his dad arrived.
“Hey Vi, wanna go ride the Ferris wheel?”
“Sure Tony!” she replied excitedly.
The line for the Ferris wheel was only ten minutes long, much shorter than what Tony and Violet expected. Finally, the two got on the Ferris wheel. The wheel would slowly rotate, allowing more riders on. Violet and Tony enjoyed an amazing view of the city from above the carnival. The couple gazed at the dark blanket sky with stars and constellations scattered all over. The bright moon seemed within reaching distance at the top of the wheel. Finally, after going around once, Violet and Tony got off of the Ferris wheel and made their way toward the parking lot.
Tony could see his dad waving at him nearby. He escorted Violet to his father’s car and politely opened the door for her. After both were bucked safely in their seats, Mr. Rydinger drove out of the parking lot and back toward the Parr residence.
“Did you guys have yourselves a good time?” asked Mr. Rydinger.
Violet nodded. “I had a blast!”
“I’m glad to hear that.” he replied.
Violet was feeling a little bit tired. But at last, Mr. Rydinger arrived at her house. After parking along the curb, Tony stepped out and escorted the exhausted girl to her doorstep.
“Thank you Tony. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.” she smiled.
“It was my pleasure Vi.”
Violet could not take her eyes off of Tony. She slowly moved her face closer and close to Tony’s. Both of them closed their eyes and braced for impact. Tony and Violet’s lips pressed together in a smooth, romantic, seemingly long kiss. After a few seconds, Tony and Violet gazed into each other’s eyes.
Finally, Violet uttered, “Good night Tony.”
“Sweet dream’s Violet.”
Tony and Violet hugged each other one last time before Tony waved good-bye, making his way back to his father’s car.
When Violet got back inside, she first gave Jack-Jack the large teddy bear, then ran up to her bed and happily plopped on her bed with a joyous expression on her face. Even though she was lying on her bed, she felt like she was floating on air.
Now That TSS… is totally awesome… and has brightened up my little depressed mood I be in at the moment! Its nice to see little Violet enjoying herself and getting ending the night in the most perfect of ways.
Well Done… If I were marking this for my classes It would come with the comment “Excellent” (please remember I’m a Primary school teacher where “excellent” is probably the best you’ll hear)
Oh, that was really cute, TSS. You are a skilled storyteller and even though I don’t really critique your work, I enjoy it nethertheless.
WOW, TSS ! That was incredibly romantic! I expected something to go wrong and Violet to be called away, but, wow, that was awesome! Too, too sweet. Tony’s quite the gentleman 
. And how you described Violet getting ready for her date, that was awesome. You did a great job with this one. As usual, very descriptive without being too wordy. And very, very romantic <3 . I think my favorite parts of this particular chapter were when Violet was getting ready, and when her and Tony kissed. Those were written very well. Another great one, TSS ! Awesome job! Keep it up !
Captain Pan: I’m am really glad to know that this chapter made you feel better. When my story can put a smile on someone’s face after having a really bad day, then that means I’m doing something right.
Phileas: I am happy to read a review from you. It might be a rare occasion, but reading a review from anyone really makes my day.
Violet Parr: I am glad that it was a good surprise. I knew I needed something fuzzy in my story. Someone told me aside from action scenes, I do romantic scenes pretty well too. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I’m not sure if this chapter is considered to be dark. But it is different from the previous happy, romantic chapter. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 13: Taken
Tony didn’t bother to take off his shoes or to change into his pajamas. He had himself the most glorious night of his life. The date was perfect. He crashed onto his bed. His heart felt that it could fly out of his chest. He sighed romantically as he fell asleep. Tony Rydinger smiled in his sleep as his mind replayed the entire date in his dream. It was the perfect dream. It was nearly interrupted when a mosquito flew on his face. Tony unconsciously swept it off of his face. The little bug flew away and towards the window.
The Rydinger residence was peacefully slumbering . . .at least inside the house. Two men waited inside a black van across the street. It was Morticon and The Commander. Morticon eyed the house with binoculars. The Commander sat in the front passenger side of the car. He was fast asleep.
“Wake up fool!” interjected Morticon as he shoved a fist into the broad chest of The Commander.
He awoke upon impact. “Could you not make so much noise? Some one could hear us. What is taking him so long? He has been in that house for over an hour already.” growled The Commander.
“Hush now. He should be coming out at any minute.”
There was an open window on the second floor. The little mosquito flew out of the window and toward the black van. The little bug landed on the side mirror.
“I found him sir.” It said.
The mosquito hopped off of the mirror and transfigured into a man. He pointed at the open window.
“That room up there is the boy’s.”
“Bravo Metamorph.” Morticon grinned. “Commander, it is time. Go you two, before someone spots us. Quickly!”
The Commander and Metamorph walked up to the house. Metamorph transformed into a mosquito again. He flew back through the window of Tony’s room. He landed on the floor. He lifted the covers off of the young boy. He gently lifted him up and carried him towards the window.
Metamorph was not the strongest Super Villain of the three. He struggled to hold him. It was even harder because he had to move slowly. One sudden jerk could wake Tony from his slumber.
Eventually, he managed to bring Tony to the window. He lifted him up and dropped him out. The slumbering young boy descended into the arms of the Commander. He caught him, slowing his fall. Tony was still fast asleep.
The muscular Super carried Tony to the van and placed him in the back. After Metamorph and The Commander got inside, Morticon turned the key in the ignition, and accelerated out of the suburbs.
The next morning, after Mr. and Mrs. Rydinger discovered their son was missing, they immediately called the police. Once they arrived at their house, the trio of villains was long gone from Metroville.
Wow! Now THAT I wasn’t expecting. Good one, TSS . You definitely had me going. I didn’t think that was gonna happen. This was really good. Short, but sweet. But just a thought, am I seeing some similarities between this and V-V? 'Cause Tony was kidnapped in that fan fiction as well. I don’t know, it’s to early to judge. I guess I’ll just have to wait and find out. But I have faith in you ! Just curious, though. Speaking of Violet-Valor, I realize that they’re two different stories, but [spoil]if The Incredibles adopted Michael back when Violet was in Junior High, shouldn’t he be there when she’s in High School? I don’t know, maybe I missed somthing.[/spoil]
Anyway… great chapter! I like how you’ve shown the villains positions rather well. Morticon as the leader is bossing the other two around. Classic Super Villain. You illustrated this chapter really well. For this I might’ve liked to see some more description, but it’s fine the way it is. Nothing to sweat over. I could find no problems with the English, so great job with that! It’s a miracle that Tony didn’t wake up though that whole thing. He must be a really deep sleeper. (He sounds kinda like me 
.)
Over-all, great chapter ! I can’t wait to see what happens!
Violet Parr: I was really ecstatic to read your review. I notice that kidnapping seems to be a common thing for my fanfics. But I try to make each of them different. Hopefully, this one won’t bore anyone.
About your question covered with the spoiler tags, the answer is yes. You’ll see once you read the third V-V story.
I thought it was hard to put more description in such a short chapter. But I was hoping to get characters more developed.
My original idea to get Tony out of the room was to have Metamorph transform into VIolet and use a force field to levatate him out. BUt it seems kinda stupid the more I read it.
Thanks for the review.
I liked the new twist…really adds a different aspect when you put someone into real danger and not just fighting danger. You could really go far into kidnapping details and what they intend to use the prisoner as…the possibilities are endless and you could always create a new way to use them.
Al-Bob:
Now that you mentioned it, I think you bring up a good point about thinking what Morticon plans to use Tony.
TSS- Thanks ! I realize that you might use kidnapping a lot. But as long as you don’t over-use it, I think it’s fine. And it wasn’t boring at all. And thanks for answering my question. Now you got me itchin’ to read your other fanfic . And, as i said, it’s fine the way it is. I realize how you didn’t want to put to much description in when it’s a short chapter. It was just a suggestion. Nothing wrong with it the way it is now . And you did do well with the characters and their personalities. Your original idea was pretty good. But I think it makes much more sense this way. But Great job, TSS !
Oh! One other question. [spoil]Also in your V-V story, Tony had already learned of Violet being a super. Right now, he seems to have no idea. Or does he? 
[/spoil]
Anyway… your welcome for the review. What do you have planed for your next chapter, if I may ask?
Violet Parr: You’ll just have to wait and find out. But I bet you’ll be excited for it.
I am excited ! Thanks, TSS! I eagerly await your next chapter.
Here is my next chapter.
Originally, it was supposed to be two separate chapters. But I think it would speed up the pace a bit if it was combined into one. I hope you guys enjoy.
Chapter 14: Missing
Violet waited along the curb of Metroville High School’s parking lot. She looked all around for her mother. She saw students driving themselves out of the lot, some were walking, and others waited for their parents or older siblings to pick them up, conversing with their friends at the same time. In the distance, she saw Kari running up to her.
“HEY VIOLET!!!” she yelled.
Kari accidentally tripped over a tall, blonde, well-built junior, who happened to be the linebacker of the football team. He towered over the young girl.
“Watch where you’re going freshman!”
“Sorry, sorry. I’m so sorry!” stammered Kari, picking herself back up.
The football player laughed with his teammates and the cheerleaders nearby. Kari brushed herself off and embarrassingly ran over to Violet.
It was times like these where Violet wanted to disappear to hide from embarrassment. Kari wasn’t the sharpest knife in the kitchen. She would say something and then randomly go off on another subject; which was funny because there would still be some kind of connection between the two topics. Despite all of that, Kari was still Violet’s best friend. Nothing in the world could ever take the place of Kari, not even a normal one.
“Hey Kari. What’s up?”
“Nothing much. What are you up to?”
“I’m just waiting for my mom. What about you?”
“Oh, both of my parents are working today. So I’m walking home.”
“Well don’t you want a ride? I know my mom would be more than happy to give you one.” Violet offered.
“Thanks Vi, but it’s okay. I gotta make a quick stop by the grocery store on my way home. But thanks anyways.”
Violet sighed. She wanted to insist on giving her friend a ride, but decided not to.
“Oh Kari, can I ask you one more question?” she wondered. Kari nodded. “Do you know what is up with Tony? He wasn’t at class today, and it isn’t like him to miss class unless he is really sick or something serious.”
“I don’t know Vi.” but I am sure we’ll se him tomorrow. He probably just has the flu or something.”
Finally, Violet could hear her mother’s car horn. She waved at Kari before boarding. Kari waved back until the car drove out of the parking lot and out of sight.
//////////\
Kari’s house was about a two and a half mile walk from her school. The grocery store was conveniently a block away from her house. After about thirty-five minutes, she arrived at the market. She grabbed a shopping cart and rolled it inside.
Her mother had provided her with a grocery list and a couple hundred dollars earlier that day. Kari took out the list and proceeded to the produce aisle. After a few minutes, Kari made her way toward the meats section. She looked at her list and asked the butcher for chopped chicken.
After stopping at the cereal, frozen foods, and dairy aisle, she made her way to the cashier. After having all of her products scanned, Kari handed a one hundred dollar bill to the cashier. She then took her bag of groceries and began to walk out of the market.
Suddenly, before Kari reached the door, a black van crashed through the doors of the grocery store. Kari flopped to the floor, dropping her grocery bags, screaming at the top of her lungs. The van doors slid open and a Metamorph, with machine guns for arms, hopped out. He fired in the air. People in the store ran out of the market, hollering for their lives. The Commander and Morticon got out of the van and walked up to the frightened teenaged girl.
“Kari McKeen?” asked Morticon. She was frozen with fear. “Come with us please.”
As The Commander and Morticon advanced closer, Kari got to her feet and sprinted to the exit.
“I got her.” said Metamorph.
He transformed his machine gun arm into a tranquilizing gun. He fired a dart at Kari. The needle lunged in her neck. Kari felt a stinging pain in her neck and then began to grow weaker. Her vision seemed blurry. She stumbled to the ground. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was The Commander hoisting her on to his shoulders and placing her into the van before Metamorph slammed it shut.
//////////\
Kari started to regain consciousness. Everything was blurry yet dark at the same time. Kari opened her eyes. She was sitting in a small, cold, dark, damp, dusty jail cell. Kari felt a chill run down her spine. She looked all around. Everywhere she look made her more and more scared. Her eyes caught someone slumped against the far wall of the jail cell. Kari’s eyes shot wide open.
“TONY!!!”
Kari made her way to the lifeless boy. She began to shake him roughly, causing him to regain consciousness.
“K. . .Kari? What. . .what are you doing here?”
“I was kidnapped. Oh, my head hurts.” Kari placed a hand to her forehead, trying to nurse the pain away. “The last thing I remembered, I was grocery shopping when three men attacked me, and then everything went black.”
Tony slowly got to his feet. He observed all around the jail cell. He went up to the cell door and started rattling and shaking it violently.
“Some one let us out of here!” he interjected. “Help! Anyone!”
Tony shook the bars again. A moment of silence followed. Kari, still shocked and terrified, all of the sudden couldn’t feel her legs. She slowly collapsed to the floor and began to breath heavily and rapidly. Her eyes dilated and her heart started beating fast. She wanted to panic but the words could not escape her mouth.
Tony turned around and knelt by her. He wrapped his arms around her in attempt to calm her down. Kari, on the other hand, wasn’t planning on relaxing anytime soon.
“What are we going to do? How is anyone going to find us? Who is going to rescue us? Are we going to die? I don’t wanna die. I. . .”
“Kari, stop it. Please!” implored Tony.
Kari continued as if Tony wasn’t there. “I can’t breathe! I can’t feel my legs! Is the room closing in on us? Oh my God help me!”
Tony grabbed her shoulders. “Kari, snap out of it and listen to me!” He started shaking the terrorized teen. Kari, though a little dizzy, stared at Tony. “Listen to me Kari. We’re not going to die. We’ll be fine, but panicking is not going to help either of us.” He released his hold on her shoulders. He stood up and walked to the cell entrance. “I’m just as scared as you are Kari, but I promise you that we will be rescued. I don’t know how. But I know we will get out of here.”
Tears started coming out of Kari’s eyes, though she did not want to cry. Wiping her tears away, she said, “Our parents must be worried sick by now.”
“I know. I bet they called the police already.” replied Tony.”
“They can call anyone they want to, it doesn’t matter.” said a voice.
Tony and Kari felt their skeleton would jump out of their skin. Startled, both backed away from the cell door. Three men then walked up to the cell door. It was Morticon, The Commander, and Metamorph.
“Let your parents search all they want. They will never find you.” Morticon said with a grim smile. “In fact, no one will find you until the time is right.”
“Wh. . .wh. . .what do you want from us?” stammered Kari.
Morticon laughed. “Now if I told you, what fun would that be? But you’ll find out in due time.” Morticon grinned.
“Please . . . let us go . . .” cried Kari.
Morticon, The Commander, and Metamorph let out a loud guffaw. Metamorph and The Commander then left room. Before the Morticon left, he eyed the two teen with menacing eyes and a sadistic grin.
“Hope . . . it’s a very strong thing to hold on to, and yet so easy to break. No one will find you. No one can, not until the time is right. But don’t worry. Some one will come to your rescue.” Morticon began to walk away. Before shutting the door, he finished, “In fact, we’re ready for her.”