The Incredibles Trilogy: A New Threat

[Violet_Parr]

That was awesome, TSS ! I see Kari’s starting to get back into character. I love how you’ve written her dialog. Morticon’s dialog is very good as well. The story’s really starting to take shape, now. It seems really real. It’s definately going to be awesome! The action scene was intense. Very well written. I think you were smart to combine it into two chapters. I think if the story starts to seem like it’s dragging out again, that you should do that again. I can’t wait to see what happens. I am curious though, is this a Trilogy were each story is one in it’s own, just using the same villains with the same intent? Or does each part depend on the previous to make sense? Maybe this would make more sense: does each part come to a reasonable close, or does something happen right at the end and it’s like, “To be continued…”?

Any way, great chapter, TSS ! I can’t wait to see what happens!

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Thanks for your review Violet Parr. I am glad you enjoyed it. I hope I got you to feel Kari’s panicked state.

And this is part one of a three part story. This story is going to end some how (cliffhanger or possible ending) but it will have a TO BE CONTINUED at the end of this story.

[thedriveintheatre]

I read The Date last week and Taken with Missing in one shot today.

The Date chapter was very sweet and ‘fluffy’. Not that I minded it, sometimes the reader needs pleasant distractions from the drama that unfolds throughout the story, and this one gives toothaches! I liked how Bob expressed self-doubt when giving permission to Violet, and how Helen assured him. It’s a stage all parents go through when they see all their kids ‘grown-up’, and it’s nice to see your characters experience that event.

I loved your description of the fairground rides and the ferris wheel ride, got a nice mixture of relaxation and romantic vibes. The kiss on the porch was nice too, dunno whether this is their first as depicted in your story or there were any prior, but if it was their first, it was most sweet indeed!

Taken had some interesting stealth action sequences. Like Violet said, I like how you established the ‘pecking order’ and dynamics of the villain team through their actions and tasks. I didn’t understand how Metamorph managed to lift Tony if he was a fly, and even if he transformed back, it’s still improbable to carry someone without waking him. More so when he threw Tony off the second floor and didn’t wake up from the impact of The Commander catching him. But I guess I have to willingly suspend my disbelief and take it Tony’s a really heavy sleeper!

Missing is when the plot thickens. I like Kari’s goofiness, and how Violet is such a loyal friend. Her kidnapping is a lot less subtle than Tony’s, and a whole lot more thrilling! I did wonder how Metamorph managed to spontaneously produce bullets and darts from his body without losing his mass (if we follow the Conservation of Energy rule), but again, I may be reading too much into this. Morticon’s parting speech is both chilling and oh-so-menacing. I wonder how they know of Violet’s relationship to her friends, and how exactly they plan to leverage that knowledge to their advantage.

A couple of minor grammatical mistakes:

No one in the world could ever take the place of Kari…

"I don’t know Vi, but I am sure…

There are maybe one or two more, but since I can’t remember them, they must be pretty minor. Anyway, I’m just being nitpicky. Your writing is excellent as it is.

Next stop: Chapter 15!

[annarborjack]

Wow!Sweet! This is awesome! I loved it!Can’t wait for the new chapter!

[The_Star_Swordsman]

TDIT: Okay, maybe my stories aren’t the most realistic. But let me reply on your reviews.

The Date: I think I mentioned before in the story that Violet and Tony have been on dates before. but this one in particular is the first date in a long time and with out interruptions. The whole intent of this chapter was to make the readers feel the romantic relationship between Vi and Tony. I wanted people to feel fluffy inside. I think I accomplished it with that.

Taken: My original idea with his was to have metamorph transform into Violet and use a force field to gently gravitate him down to the Commander, but I was thinking that might be a little too complicated for me to describe. In addition, how could I get Tony out the window if the force field was too big to fit through the window?

And metamorph transformed back to his original self before carrying Tony out the window. He wasn’t a fly trying to carry him out. he isn’t that strong and he would be squished trying that stunt.

It wasn’t until after I posted the chapter when I thought of tranquilizing Tony before trying to abduct him. but oh well, I learned my mistake. The most important things were that this chapter served its purpose of kidnaping Tony and the readers enjoyed it at the same time.

Missing I have no comment on the Conversion Energy rule. Shooting bullets and darts from his hand seemed like a good idea until I looked into that rule. never thought about it.

I loved your comments on Kari’s character. but i probably disagree with you on morticon’s speech. I’ll tell you that I spent nearly half a day (on and of the computer) trying to figure out what I want him to say. Some times, his speech would end up too corny, other times, he said very little. That was a challenge for me, and I still believed i could’ve done more with his closing speech. Oh well. Maybe I’m jut being critical of myself.

annarborjack: I’m glad you enjoyed it.

[thedriveintheatre]

My original idea with his was to have metamorph transform into Violet and use a force field to gently gravitate him down to the Commander, but I was thinking that might be a little too complicated for me to describe. In addition, how could I get Tony out the window if the force field was too big to fit through the window?

I actually think that’s a better idea! For the problem of it being too big to fit through the window, I thought Violet’s force field has variable sizes (although they were mostly a standard adult’s height throughout the movie, since she didn’t need to make them any bigger or smaller). But I always took it that the dimensions can be controlled. The only problem would be how Metamorph acquires Violet’s powers (does he have to see the Super or touch them to be able to absorb the power?).

That was a challenge for me, and I still believed i could’ve done more with his closing speech.

Haha, I thought it was awesome! You should give yourself more credit.

But yeah, can’t wait for next chapter!

[The_Star_Swordsman]

To answer your question TDIT, Metamoprh doesn’t have to touch the Super. But he needs to know who or what he is turing into.

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Chapter 15: Assurance

Tony’s parents sat on a couch next to Kari’s mom and dad inside the Rydinger house in the family room. On the desk in front of them were four cups of tea and a box of tissue, which was running out quickly. Twenty-four hours has passed since Kari was abducted. Inside the house, along with the four parents, were Rick Dicker, Mr. Incredible, and Elastigirl. The husbands tried to comfort their wives as the two Supers and Rick began to question.

“Mr. McKeen, Mrs. McKeen, can you recall the last time you saw your daughter?”

Mrs. McKeen grabbed her husband’s hand tightly and gave him a solemn look. Mr. McKeen decided that he would be doing the talking.

“It was about 6:30 AM yesterday morning. Kari, my wife and I were eating breakfast. We told Kari that both of us would be working late and that we wouldn’t be home until midnight. Molly gave Kari a list of groceries for Kari to buy after school, and I gave her some money. After we were finished, I put the dishes away and left for work. Molly then drove Kari to school right afterwards. After she dropped her off, she went to work, and . . . that was the last time either of us saw her.”

“When did you discover that she was missing?” Rick wondered.

“Well, when we got home, it was late. The house was dark and quiet. Both of us were tired and wanted to get to bed. I went into the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. When I opened the refrigerator door, I noticed that the stuff we wanted Kari to buy was not inside.”

“Sam wanted to go up and have a talk with Kari, but I stopped him as soon as he got to her door.” Mrs. Rydinger finally said. “I told him that it was late and that we would talk to her tomorrow. He reluctantly agreed and went into our room. I wanted to check on our baby. When I opened the door and turned on the lights, I noticed that she wasn’t sleeping in her bed. I looked all around her room and in her bathroom. I called to my husband that she was gone.”

Mrs. Rydinger was about to break into tears.

“We franticly searched through the whole house. Then we called 911.” finished Mr. Rydinger.

“Your story is kinda similar to the Rydinger’s story.” said Mr. Incredible.

Mr. Rydinger nodded. “Only that we discovered he was missing early in the morning. Tony always had a problem waking up for school, and when Beth went to go wake him up, we found that he was gone.”

“Incredibles,” spoke Mrs. Rydinger, “do you think our children will be okay?”

Mr. Incredible sighed. “I really don’t know the answer to that. But I can assure you that we and the NSA are doing everything in our power to find them.”

“Why them? Who would be after them?” sobbed Mrs. McKeen.

Elastigirl answered, “We might have an answer for that.”

Rick took our three profile pictures, one of Morticon, one of The Commander, and the last one of Metamorph.

“We talked to people that were at the grocery store where your daughter was kidnapped. Witnesses were able to confirm that these three were the ones who took Kari McKeen.”

“Who are they?” Mr. McKeen questioned.

Mr. Incredible pointed them out. “Their names are Morticon, The Commander, and Metamorph. All were threatening alone back in the Glory Days of Super Heroes. Now these three have teamed up to become a dangerous Super Villain alliance.”

“What would they want with our children?”

Mrs. Incredible shook her head. “I don’t know. So far, we are clueless of their location or their plans.”

Mrs. Rydinger and Mrs. McKeen clung tightly to their husbands. Every passing moment, the four would grow more and more worried. Elastigirl sighed. She wanted to tell the parents that everything was going to be fine and Kari and Tony would be rescued. But against a powerful, villainous team, nothing, not even the teenagers’ safety, could be assured.

While Mr. Incredible, Elastigirl, and Rick all tried to console the depressed parents, Invisigirl was in the other room next to the room the adults were in, babysitting Incredibaby. The little infant played with a few toys that were provided for him by the parents, even the giant teddy bear his elder sister won for him. When he got tired of the toys, he started playing with his mask. It tickled him, so he found it enjoyable. Incredibaby had been really good not setting himself on fire inside households.

After keeping an eye on her little brother for a while, Invisigirl decided to listen in on the conversation. She kept an eye on her baby brother, while she leaned against the wall as close as she could get without being spotted. She eavesdropped the entire conversation. Invisigirl felt just as troubled and scared as the parents. She wanted to cry. She wanted to do something about it, but as of now, she, as well as her family and the other Supers working on the case, have no lead, no clues, and no Tony or Kari. For all she knew, her best friend and boyfriend could be dead and gone. Never in Invisigirl’s life has she felt so helpless and hopeless.

Minutes later, the Incredibles and Rick left the house. Invisigirl got into the back seat of the Incredibile rather silently and then buckled her seatbelt. Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl first placed Incredibaby in his booster seat, then got in and buckled up. Mr. Incredible started the car and drove out of the driveway of the Rydingers, out of the suburbs, and into the city.

On their way over, Elastigirl turned in her seat. Invisigirl sat very still with her hands folded on her lap, looking down at her boots.

“Violet honey, I know this is very hard for you. Everyone is doing the best to try to find Tony and Kari. Your father and I wanted to let you know that you are a very brave and strong young woman, and we are proud of you, you know that?”

Invisigirl looked up. A tear started to streak down her face. Her mouth quivered a bit as she nodded.

“I’d do anything to get them back mom. I just want them back.”

Elastigirl reached for her daughter’s hand, grasping it firmly. “I know. . .I know Vi.” she comforted.

The Incredibile then heard over the radio. “Dad! Dad, please come in!” it said. The voice belonged to Speedster.

“What is it Dash?” wondered Mr. Incredible, turning the volume dial up.

“Remember those robots that attacked the city and took Metroville civilians hostage a while ago? Well, they’re back.”

“Hang on Dash. I see them. We’re on our way.”

“And one more thing too dad. A tall, tough Super is leading them. You showed me a picture of him before. I think his name is the Commander.”

As Mr. Incredible turned the car on to another street, Invisigirl’s eyes widened. They were not filled with tears any more. Instead, it was filled with hope. With The Commander attacking Metroville, a chance to find the missing teens has arrived. And it might be the only chance that they got.

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SO you guys like that? Well I hope you did. Because next chapter is going to be full of action! I know some of you have been craving for some fight scenes.

[Violet_Parr]

Very, very nice, TSS. That was a wonderful chapter . You did very well explaining everything. The emotion was very deep and real. I think you’re definitely the best with those chapters. One of my favorite parts was when you where explaining how Helen wanted to comfort the parents but was powerless to. That was told with utter depth and insight. You were good to point that out. I also liked how you wrote Violet’s actions in the car, with the single tear sliding down her face… simply wonderful. You did wonders with the body language. Subtle, yet completely clear, throughout the whole chapter. But my absolute favorite part was when they were in the car and Helen was reassuring Violet telling her that they were proud of her and that she was a very brave, strong girl. Wonderful chapter, all-around.

There were only a few miner mistakes in Language. Such as…

“The husbands tried to comfort their wives as the two Supers and Rick began to interrogate…”

Are they really interrogating them? They’re the victims, and interrogating means “shaking down”. I think it would be more like questioning.

“It was about 6:30 AM yesterday morning ago…”

The word ago doesn’t seem to fit. But other than that, nothing I can see. And they’re pretty minor, so it’s nothing to sweat over.

I only have one question. You said there was going to be a big Father/Daughter moment in one of the chapters. Was it chapter 16 or 18? I can’t remember.

Any way, awesome, wonderful chapter, TSS ! I can’t wait for the next one to see some action!

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Violet Parr: Once again, you have put a smile on my face with your review. I am really happy that you enjoyed it. I hope that you were able to connect with Violet and feel her hopelessness (though I would never wish you would ever feel that way anytime in your life). If you felt her emotions, then mission accomplished for me.

To answer your question, the father/daughter chapter will happen right after the action chapter. I hope you can wait a couple of weeks for it.

[Violet_Parr]

I did feel Violet’s hopelessness (though I didn’t actually feel hopeless). And I know you’d never wish that feeling upon me . You did accomplish you mission. Well done, TSS.

And, yes, I’ll have patience and wait for the Father/Daughter scene . I was just wondering, 'cause I kinda… forgot . But I was kinda right! I said 16 or 18, and it was 17. So, close enough.

Thanks . Again, great, awesome, wonderful… (I’m running out of adjectives here…) chapter, TSS! Keep it up!

[thedriveintheatre]

Mm-hmm, not bad, TSS. I like how you gave an insight into Tony and Kari’s lives through their parent’s description of their day right up to their disappearance. From their accounts, we can infer that Kari’s parents are both working and have little time for her, and that Tony is a heavy sleeper. It’s nice how you’ve added character to the… well, characters.

I also felt sorry for Violet’s despair and anguish over her missing friends. You are good at giving your character’s (or at least, Pixar’s) that added vulnerability, reminding the reader that although they may be superheroes, they go through the same emotions and life experiences as us, and that they have their moments of weakness. It echoes Bob’s admission to Helen after the crash that he can’t “bear to lose her again” from the movie, you know? I’d like to see you take that emotional burden and develop it further, push your heroes to their limits so that their success at the end is all the more triumphant.

Wrong pronoun in this sentence, I thought Tony had a kid brother all of a sudden!

After keeping an eye on his little brother for a while, Invisigirl decided to listen in on the conversation.

I like your term of address for Jack-Jack. Incredibaby, indeed!

Keep it up, next chapter whenever you’re ready.

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Thanks for your little in-depth review TDIT. I love reading your reviews too. Thakns for pointing out that grammar error.

I’ll fix it as soon as possible.

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Finally, the action chapter that you all have been dying to read. I hope I get at least one person sitting on the edge of their seat the entire chapter. Have fun reading it. I know I had fun writing it.

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Chapter 16: Another Attack

The Commander stood atop a building as twenty robots marched through the streets of Metroville, destroying everything in their path. Civilians ran for their lives in the other direction. The Commander grinned at the commotion that the robots were creating. Then, something caught his eye. It was the Incredibile. The family of Supers got out of the car and assumed fighting poses, eying the oncoming army of robots.

“Okay dad, how do we split these guys up? Each of us take five robots?” asked Speedster.

“No son.” said Mr. Incredible.

Mr. Incredible looked at the robots, and then he observed his surroundings. The streets were deserted. This was good news as civilians were out of harm’s way.

“Invisigirl, I am counting on you to protect Incredibaby.”

Invisigirl sighed but reluctantly agreed. She is the best Super in Metroville at defending, and even though she would love nothing more than to fight the robots with her family, she knew that her baby brother would be much safer away from the action. Invisigirl took the Incredibaby from her mother and ran away as fast as she could. The farther she got away from those robots, the safer he would be.

Meanwhile, on top of a building, the Commander saw Invisigirl running away from the battlefield. He placed on a devilish grin on his face. He took out a communicator.

“Sir, the girl has just left with the baby. It is all going according to plan.”

“Excellent,” said the voice on the other line. It belonged to Morticon. “Metamorph and I will be waiting for her.”

Back with the rest of the Incredibles, the army of androids slowly started to advance. Mr. Incredible started dividing up the robots.

“Speedster, you ready?” asked Mr. Incredible.

A grin came on the young boy’s face. He started running to around the robots then to a car about forty feet away from the family. All twenty robots started to advance to him. Suddenly, Mr. Incredible ran as fast as he could and drove his shoulder in the back of a robot. The impact slammed a few more robots in front of it to the ground. Mr. Incredible got up and eyed the smashed robots. This left about fifteen more to defeat. The robots start to close in on Mr. Incredible.

“Honey, look out!” shouted Elastigirl.

She elongated her arms and wrapped them around the legs of an android and, with all of her strength, lifted it up in the air. She lashed the robot onto the ground and on to a couple of robots. Elastigirl then jumped into the air and kicked a robot in the face.

A robot then went up behind her. In a blink of an eye, Speedster ran and tripped the robot to the ground. After that, he quickly ran to the other robots and brought them to the floor by sweeping their legs under them. Mr. Incredible then grabbed the legs of a downed robot and started swinging and bashing at the other robots. Metallic limbs, nuts, bolts, and scraps flew everywhere upon contact. Mr. Incredible swung the robot at every enemy in his sight.

Then out of nowhere, an android leapt on to the back of Mr. Incredible, wrapping its arms around his throat. The robot was strong enough to cause discomfort to the muscular Super. Elastigirl gasped then ran up to her husband. She wrapped her body around the neck of the robot. Constricting her body, she crushed the neck of the robot. It dropped to the asphalt with a thud.

Finally, there was one android left. Elastigirl and Mr. Incredible got into a fighting pose, but then Speedster walked in front of his parents.

“Don’t worry mom and dad. I got this.”

The robot clenched its fists and dashed toward then young Super. He smiled and ran as fast as he could to the robot. When he was at a favorable distance, he swooped around the robot and took out its legs. The robot fell to the ground with a “thud”, creating a huge crater in the street upon impact. Speedster then grabbed the head of the robot and twisted it as hard as he could. It took a little bit of effort, but Speedster was able to snap the head of the robot right off of its neck.

When the battle was over, the Incredibles looked at the destroyed androids. Elastigirl went over to one and picked up a piece of scrap metal.

“These are definitely the same robots that attacked the Technology Center and who invaded Metroville a not too long ago.”

“Speedster, you said you saw The Commander leading them?”

He nodded. “Yeah, he was on the top of that building there. He was so distant, but I recognized his physique. It was definitely him. I don’t see him now.”

Elastigirl and Mr. Incredible looked up at the building. “He must’ve gotten away while we were fighting.” suggested Elastigirl.

“Don’t worry, we’ll see him again. This isn’t over yet.” Mr. Incredible stated. He started walking back to the Incredibile. Speedster and Elastigirl followed after him. “Come on, lets go find Invisigirl and Incredibaby so we can go home.”

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Invisigirl ran for her life for about five minutes non-stop, clinging tightly to her baby brother. She then stopped. She placed Incredibaby down on the sidewalk as she bent down with her hands on her knees panting heavily. Her sides started to cramp up. She looked at Incredibaby and smiled, assuring him that he was going to be okay. Incredibaby smiled aback and clapped his hands.

“We’ll be fine.” huffed Invisigirl.

She looked back and saw two robots starting to advance at her. Invisigirl gasped and got into a fighting stance. Then she looked at Incredibaby. She made up her mind not to fight; her brother’s safety was her top priority. She picked up Incredibaby and ran. The androids ran after her. Because Invisigirl was tired, carrying her baby brother, she did not run at her full speed. The robots closed in on her with each passing second. Invisigirl looked back. She realized that in order to protect Incredibaby, it would be a matter of time before she would have to fight them.

Invisigirl noticed Incredibaby had a glare on his face. When Incredibaby (or even Jack-Jack for that matter) had an angry look on his face, it meant that he was uncomfortable with the situation he or his family was in. At a very young age, this was usually a trigger to most of his superpowers.

“You ready?” asked Invisigirl. Incredibaby had a devilish grin across his face. “Okay, here we go, in three . . . two . . . one . . .NOW!!!”

Invisigirl spun around. Incredibaby faced the two androids and fired a bright blue laser beam from his eyes, hitting one of them square in the chest. The infant Super faced the other robot and discharged a beam at its head. The robots recoiled while Invisigirl set Incredibaby on the street. She had a plan in mind to get rid of the two robots.

She looked at him with assuring eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right here.”

The teenaged Super Heroine became invisible, leaving the little baby alone. Incredibaby, with a glaring look, erupted into flames. The robots stopped in their tracks. The blazing baby stood up on his two legs. He stared angrily at the androids. He was about to take a step forward when he unleashed a tiny sneeze from his mouth. He fell to the ground on his soft behind, flames extinguished.

The robots looked at each other puzzlingly then at the baby. They started to advance to the young Incredibaby. Incredibaby started to cry in fear, but then out of nowhere, a force field orb trapped the two robots. Invisigirl then materialized with a sadistic grin.

She uttered slowly, “Leave my baby brother alone.”

Invisigirl clenched her fist which made the force field orb shrink in size, crushing the two robots inside. A small pile of metal fragments was all that remained.

The teen heroine picked up her baby brother. “Come little guy. Let’s go find mom and dad.”

Invisigirl turned around and saw a small blinking little ball. With each passing second, it blinked faster and faster. Invisigirl’s eyes widened in horror as she turned around, shielding Incredibaby. The little ball exploded, sending Invisigirl hurling in the air. She clung on to the infant tightly as she could, bracing for impact. Invisigirl was projected through the glass of a clothing shop. Invisigirl felt pain surge all through her body, but held Incredibaby tight.

“You okay?” she asked.

Incredibaby started to cry. Suddenly, a man with white face powder brushed all over his face walked into the room. He had on a bandolier of bombs strapped all across his chest. He had on a beret on his head.

Invisigirl’s eyes widened as she formed a force field around herself. She recognized this character from stories and pictures her father showed her a year or two ago.

“Bomb Voyage!”

The French villain smirked and placed a bomb on her force field. He stepped out of the room. Invisigirl knew that dropping her force field would endanger her and her brother’s life; however if she held it up when the bomb exploded, she would be drained with a lot of energy. Invisigirl had no choice. She hugged Incredibaby tight as she braced for the explosion. The bomb exploded on the force field, exhausting Invisigirl. It also set many of the clothes on fire. She dropped her force field when the explosion died down. She felt weak and released Incredibaby from her grasp. The young, tiny Super crawled up to his sister with tears in his eyes.

Bomb Voyage entered the room again and picked up the tiny infant. Incredibaby started to cry.

“No,” Invisigirl said weakly, “don’t hurt him.”

Bomb Voyage began to talk, but oddly not in a French accent. “Oh don’t worry, we don’t have any plans for him.”

Bomb Voyage began to transform into another man. When the transfiguration was complete, Invisigirl saw Metamorph standing in place with her little brother in his arms. Invisigirl tried to stand, tried to move, but before she could, Morticon entered the store, picked her up by the collar with his left hand and hoisted her off the ground.

“Please, don’t hurt him. Do what ever you want with me, just leave him alone.” Invisigirl implored.

Incredibaby started to wail loudly. Metamorph was quickly getting annoyed with his deafening cries. Morticon eyed Invisigirl with a menacing stare.

“I wouldn’t worry so much about your baby brother as your friends. Both will eventually meet the same fate . . . Violet Parr.”

Invisigirl’s eyes began to widen. Very few people in the world, other than her family, know her identity, and none of them included Super Villains. In Invisigirl’s head, she began to wonder how did Morticon know who she was, and what other secrets he knows about her and her family.

“I have been watching you and your family for several weeks Violet. I know who you are, and I know your family’s identities as well. I needed to. In order to accomplish my deeper scheme, I would have to take down the best Supers. Simply summarized, I plan to isolate you from your hope and your loved ones, and destroy you slowly and painfully, starting with your boyfriend and your best friend.”

Tears started to cascaded down Invisigirl’s face. “I’ll do anything.” she cried. “Take me instead. Just let them go. Don’t kill them.”

Morticon held Invisigirl right up to his face so that they were inches apart from each other. His sinister stare sent a stunning chill down the young girl’s spine.

“I am going to say this once. If you want to rescue your friends, then go to the Metroville Harbor at 6:00 PM tomorrow. Meet my robots at the Metroville Harbor: Port A113, and they will escort you onto a ship that will take you to my island. We will be waiting for you.”

Morticon held Invisigirl out. He placed his right hand against the ribs of the teen Super. His right arm transformed into a laser cannon, aiming right at the helpless Invisigirl’s torso.

“One more thing, if you do value the life of your friends, you will not tell anyone about this, and you will come alone. Failure to comply with these instructions will result in the slow and painful death of your friends with their bodies later found on their parents’ doorstep. Do not be late.”

Morticon fired his arm laser cannon at Invisigirl, projecting her out of the store, crashing hard against a car parked across the street. Invisigirl slumped against the damaged vehicle. Her entire body surged with pain and numbness. The entire city looked like it was spinning.

Incredibaby saw what the villainous Morticon did to his sister, which resulted in him crying more loudly. Metamorph finally could not stand it anymore.

“Oh will you just shut up!!!”

Metamorph then threw the little baby out the window, towards the street. Invisigirl saw her baby brother hurled in her direction. But she was too weak to move or form a force field to catch him. All of the sudden, to long arms caught the baby Super. Morticon and Metamorph saw that the arms retracted to the body of Elastigirl.

“Metamorph,” said Morticon. “I think it’s about time for us to leave.”

Metamorph formed his body into a jetpack and then strapped himself to the back of Morticon. The cyborg then flew into the air and zoomed out of the city. Mr. Incredible was about to pick up the nearest car he saw and fling it at them, but it was too late. They were already long gone.

Mr. Incredible, Elastigirl, and Speedster all rushed to Invisigirl. She now had some movement in her body. She was able to make it to her feet at one point before dropping down to one knee. Her father then picked her up and carried her to the Incredibile.

“Let’s go home sweetie.” he said. “We’re proud of you for protecting our little baby. You deserve a nice, long rest.”

Invisigirl smiled a bit but knew that she would need all of the rest she could. For the next twenty-four hours, she would have to heal up and be ready to rescue Tony and Kari. Invisigirl didn’t know what she was about to get herself into and what danger she has put herself in. She knew it was going to get worse, and with any luck, maybe not for the people she loved.

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Violet Parr: If you are wondering, the father/daughter moment that you have been so eagerly anticipating will come up in the next chapter. I promise.

[thedriveintheatre]

Hmm… this chapter was exciting, but not exactly thrilling. I preferred the museum break-in or the port attack, as that involved some twists in the former, and some strategic planning in the latter. Here, there was not much at stake as all civilians were gone, and the only threat was public property destruction. It was also more of a straightforward smash-em-up. Maybe it could’ve been spiced up with more creative fighting, or the robots could have taken a bystander hostage or something. Somehow the fight didn’t engage me, just my honest opinion.

Violet’s mini-fight was more engaging, as 1) There were interesting elements, like the bomb used to weaken Violet’s force field and 2) There was something at stake, Incredibaby/Jack-Jack. I would’ve liked it better if Violet had a bit more spunk and made a witty comeback to her tormentors, before being threatened with the safety of her friends. So like she could quip “Oh look, it’s Faux Voyage” or something, then Metamorph picks up Incredibaby and starts intimidating Violet. You gotta introduce some spunk in the girl, before she gets ‘broken down’, here she comes off too weak from the get-go.

But other than that, I like your villains. They seem like they mean business, and are downright despicable. Which is how they should be! I also like how you wrote Bob almost throwing a car after them Syndrome-style!

Overall, an above average chapter that could do with some more interesting elements tossed in, but I was kept on the edge of my seat towards the end, so you succeeded somewhat!

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Thanks for your review TDIT. Maybe this chapter isn’t as intense as my others. But I now know what to consider for next time.

I see your reason for giving Vi a little “spunk”. But consider the situation she was in. She was exhausted from the explosion and hopeles to protect Jack-Jack. I think having a little attitude at that moment would probably be a bad idea. Remember, she was at the bad guy’s mercy.

But thanks for being honest. I like that.

[Violet_Parr]

Intense chapter, TSS, very intense. I like it . Though I’d have to concur with TDIT, it wasn’t as intense as the other fights. Like he said, maybe if one of them had taken a hostage, then what would’ve been cool is to have him using that as a distraction to keep them from noticing what the other was doing to Violet. I did however like you using Bomb Voyage in the story. I was surprised to see him get into the mix, that is, until I realized who he really was . I will admit, I too would like to see you give Violet a little more of an attitude at times, but I think the attitude should come in when she’s in a less vulnerable state, though. I did like her fight scene and the confrontation between her and Morticon. Very intense. And to bring her little brother into it, and knowing how protective she is of her family, you showed her to be in a very vulnerable situation. Though I think she would’ve been a little more forceful in telling them not to hurt Jack-Jack, but that is your choice. You made Morticon’s point very clear, though. He wanted her where he said, when he said, alone; if she didn’t her friends would die; and he didn’t want her telling nobody. Simple enough. You have very good villains .

Oh, and something else I noticed …

Meet my robots at the Metroville Harbor: Port A113,…

A113 made an appearance ! That was very good of you to include.

Apart from everything else, what earns major points with me is, in this chapter, you put in a very sweet Father/Daughter moment at the end. Maybe I’m just a sucker for those kinds of things, but that was absolutely sweet <3 .You’re showing Bob’s genteler side, and I like that. And if that was only a fraction a what’s to come, WOW! I can’t wait to see what you do with the next chapter. Thanks for the note at the end of the chapter, by the way. Don’t worry, I’ll be patient. I’ve wiated this long…

Great job, TSS ! Another wonderful chapter. I egerly, EGERLY awiat the Father/Dauther scene !

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Violet Parr: Thank you for your review.

Okay, I understand how I can make this chapter more intense. BUt if you rmember my last action chapter, I took some hostages. I thought that it might be a little repetitious if I did it again.

Maybe next action sequence, I’ll give Violet some fire in her. I mean, she had her friends taken from her, so I bet she won’t be so nice to anyone when she ventures to the island.

I hope I showed everyone how serious the villains in this story is. I mean, Metamorph threw Jack-Jack out the window. If Elastigirl didn’t catch him, he would’ve been seriously hurt, or worse.

Violet, I’ll tell you the last father/daughter bit wasn’t intentional. I had no idea how I got that there. But I’m glad you liked it.

[The_Star_Swordsman]

Here is the next chapter everyone. I hope you enjoy reading it. Plus, TSS makes a cameo in this chapter. Good luck finding him.

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Chapter 17: Preparation

Despite a feeling a little pain, Violet felt that she did not need to visit the hospital. Helen was worried, but Violet and her father assured her that she was okay. She did not want to think about a hospital visit anytime soon. Her mind was focused on saving Kari and Tony. Morticon gave her specific instructions to find them. For all she knew, it could be a trap, but it was the only clue she got. Besides, if Morticon wanted to kill her or Jack-Jack, he would’ve easily done so back on the street.

The Parrs first made a stop at Edna Mode’s house. Because of the ambush Violet encountered, her Super Suit sustained many cuts and tears. Edna happily took her Super Suit in for mending.

“I’ll have this suit one-hundred percent clean, nice, and ready first thing tomorrow dahlings.”

After that, Bob drove the family back home. Helen took Jack-Jack inside, sat him down in his booster seat, and began to cook dinner. Dash went up to his room to finish up his homework. Bob went to the family room, turned on the TV, and watched the news.

Violet went up to her room and decided to take a shower. She undressed herself, grabbed a towel and went into her bathroom. The warm water was refreshing and painful at the same time. The water that touched her sores sent a stinging sensation throughout her body. She tried to put soap on it but that stung even more. Violet knew it hurt, but sometimes, soap and shampoo have healing powers in addition to their cleansing abilities. The water rinsed down Violet’s hair and on to her body, washing the suds down the drain.

After twenty minutes, Violet got out the shower, dried herself, and went to her dresser. She pulled out a pair of indigo pajamas. After that, she went to her bathroom to blow-dry her hair. Just as soon as she finished, her mother called her down for dinner. Violet pulled her hair behind her ears, looked at herself in the mirror for about five seconds, then went to go eat.

Helen spooned some marinara sauce over Violet’s bowl of pasta. She then made her way toward her chair and spooned some marinara sauce on her pasta. Bob and Dash began to devour their food. An afternoon battling robots was enough to make them super hungry. Helen was starving as well, but unlike her husband and son, she remembered her manners. Jack-Jack laughed at the sight of the two’s eating habits.

Violet just sat there, stirring her pasta around with her fork. She looked at her food with a depressed expression on her face. Her mother took notice to this.

“You okay Vi?”

“I’m just not really hungry right now.” she replied.

Helen nodded. “I understand honey. You had a rough day. You may leave the kitchen and go to your room if you wish.” said Helen. Violet nodded, got up from the table. Helen smiled at Violet. “I’ll save some pasta, sauce, and extra Parmesan cheese for you.”

Violet smiled thanked her mom and went upstairs to her room. She loved Parmesan cheese. Her mother has always been so caring and thoughtful for her. On a bad day at school or a rough day on the job, Helen was always there to talk to Vi about it. Talking about it would make Vi feel a lot better. Like most mothers, Helen was there to comfort her and help her understand. Violet felt no one on the world could do a better job consoling her than her mother.

For this particular instance, talking to Helen would not help at all. In fact, it would worsen the situation. If she told her mother, or any one in her family, Violet would risk endangering the lives of Kari and Tony. Violet went over to a window in her room. She looked outside. The streets were empty, and streetlights illuminated the sidewalk. Vi gazed up at the starry sky. She prayed with all her heart for not only Tony’s and Kari’s safety, but also assurance that they will be rescued.

The next day, Violet drowsily got out of bed, showered, and went down stairs to eat breakfast. She did not eat a bite all last night, so she filled her plate with anything she saw. Altogether, Violet had two stacks of pancakes, scrambled eggs, three strips of bacon, a bowl of cereal, and a glass of milk, which she had to refill twice.

Violet, Dash, and Helen made their way toward the car. Helen drove it out of the driveway and onward to Dash’s school. Helen dropped Dash off first before driving over to Violet’s school.

“Have a good day Vi. I’ll pick up your Super Suit from Edna.”

Violet said good-bye to her mom and went to her first class. During class-time, in between periods, and at lunch, Violet formulated a plan to get to the Metroville Harbor without telling her family about it. The entire day, Violet was lonely. She had no one to talk with, no one to eat lunch with, and no one to study with. Though out the entire school session, Vi did not receive any failing test scores and was not teased by any upperclassmen. However, she still considered this one of the worst school days in her entire life.

Finally, the bell rang, signaling the end of another school day. Violet waited for her mother in the front of the school. While waiting, she eyed at all of the other students. She saw a couple of cheerleaders laughing and gossiping with each other. A group of bandos stood under a tree talking about jokes their history teacher conjured up. Violet also saw a skinny Asian guy kissing a 4’11” Filipino girl passionately on the lips behind her. In the parking lot, she saw a jock smooth talk with his girlfriend right by his really shinny, red car. All of this made Vi sick and sad inside.

Violet heard the honking of her mother’s car horn. She made an immediate dash toward the vehicle and hopped inside. Once she buckled her seatbelt, she asked her mother a question.

“Mom, I was wondering if I could patrol the city earlier than my 7:00-9:00 shift.”

Helen looked at her daughter quite puzzled. “Why honey? Do you have a lot of homework? Are you going to stay up past midnight again? If so, I could call the NSA and reschedule your shift.”

“No, I already finished my homework.” Violet quickly answered. “I just . . .” She tried to search for a plausible excuse without arousing suspicion. “I’ve been having a really rough week. I just need to blow off a little steam.”

Helen nodded. Crime-fighting was another thing that Violet and Helen had in common. In addition to being very good at it and incredibly smart about it, nothing felt as good as punching out a robber or blacking out a Super Villain after experiencing a stressful event.

Back in the Glory Days, when Helen was having a rough time with life, she would dawn her Super Suit and patrol the city. She wouldn’t care if it was a bank robber or a near unstoppable villain. She wanted to let some of her anger and stress out of her system.

“I’ll talk to your father. I have to drive Dash to a track meet today. Have him drive you to Downtown Metroville.”

When they got home, Violet rushed up the stairs and changed into her Super Suit. After slipping her feet into her boots, her arms into her gloves, and hair band on her head, she went to her closet and got out a dark purple jacket and some jeans. After that, she placed her mask in her right jean pocket and went to the family room. Her dad stood by the door with key in his hand.

“You ready to go?” he asked. Violet nodded.

The ride down to Downtown Metroville was a pretty quite ride. Other the usual conversations about school and grades, nothing important really came up. Violet desperately wanted to tell her father about Tony and Kari. He would know what to do and how to do it, but she couldn’t. Even if she did hint a clue at him, he would figure it out without needing any details.

“You sure you are going to be okay Vi?” questioned Bob. “You don’t want me to patrol with you for a little bit?”

“Dad,” Violet answered a little exasperated, “I’ll be fine. I have patrolled Metroville by myself before. I can take care of myself.”

Bob smiled and nodded. “I know you can. You’re a growing girl. You have really changed Vi. I remember you as a shy girl, always afraid to make friends and talk to people. Now look at you. You’re a bright student, can easily socialize with others, and independent.” Bob parked the car right by the curb. “Look Vi, I know you can easily beat down any thief, bad guy or villain. It’s just despite all of the training you have been though, I, and your mother, still worry about you. We don’t know why. We want you to grow up and be you own person, but at the same time, it’s hard for us to let go of you.”

Violet nodded. Usually, she would get annoyed with his long speeches, but this one seemed to touch her heart. Plus, this just might be the last speech her might hear from her again.

“Before you go Vi, I just want to tell you something: one last advice before you go. Be strong, believe in yourself, and never give up. Sometimes, the body and mind want to quit, but only your heart will decide when to give up, and that is stronger than anything a human has got in them.”

Violet smiled, trying to hold back a tear. “Thanks dad.”

Violet got out of the car and was about to walk toward the nearest alley when she stopped. She ran back to her father’s car. Bob rolled down the window. Violet opened the door and wrapped her arms around her dad, locking him a long hug. She fought back all the tears in her eyes.

Violet sighed, “I love you dad . . . tell mom, Dash, and Jack-Jack that I love them too, okay?”

Bob was a little confused but nodded. “I will Vi. When I get home, that will be the first thing I will tell them.”

Bob started up the car. Violet waved as his father drove off, taking the next available right-turn. Violet’s smile then disappeared. A determined look was replaced as she walked across the street, away from the alley.

[thedriveintheatre]

This chapter’s quite good, TSS! Allow me to elaborate:

I liked how you gave Violet an element of self-doubt. She knows what she’s up against (a ruthless villain), and although she’d rather not face such danger, she know she must to save her friends. And that is the definition of heroism. Yes, it’s schmaltzy, but again, I liked how you made her a ‘reluctant heroine’ who will do whatever it takes to bring her pals home. It is also painful to watch her keep the meeting secret from her parents, and maybe this time, she might get in way over her head (although I’ll have to read on to find out!).

The ‘accidental pep-talk’ Bob gave her is also quite touching. It did feel kind of weird for him to suddenly use such inspiring words if he thought Violet was going on a routine patrol. Maybe if you had Violet ask her father in a roundabout way what she could do if faced with an insurmountable obstacle, and then had him deliver the speech of awesomeness, then it would make more sense. I don’t know, just a suggestion next time. But yeah, I thought you did it in a very frank and non-cheesy way, so good on you!

I did catch your cameo (I suppose the Filipino is a girlfriend making a guest appearance? ), very Hitchcock-ian!

I guess a qualm I had with this chapter was that you tend to describe mundane events a little too frequently. I understand you were trying to depict the domestic life of the Parrs as a crime-fighting family, but it bogs down the pace of your story. We don’t need to know what they ate for dinner or what Violet wore, it’s unnecessary exposition (IMO) and doesn’t contribute to the story in any way. Although, the bath scene was important to evoke pathos with the reader with the ‘battle scars’. It’s very sobering to know that your heroes are not invincible and are just as likely to suffer injuries as ordinary civilians like you and me.

Overall, it’s an above average chapter, and a lead-up to what I’m sure will be an exciting confrontation with the Super and a very cryptic nemesis. I wonder what they want with Violet, but I’ll have to wait for the next installment to find out!