Very, very, very faceslaaping jokes BBD. I got someof them too, and I also found theme funny.
why are pirates pirates?
becuase they arrrrrgggh!!!
What’s black, white and read/red all over?
A newspaper!
(Only really works if you say it verbally.)
Here is one I learned from James and the Giant Peach.
Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
Because they got no organs!!!
A rabbit walks into a greengrocer and pounds on the counter and says “Pound of carrots please.” So the green grocer looks at him sternly, wraps up the carrots and out he goes.
The next day the same rabbit walks into the same greengrocer and pounds on the counter and says “Pound of carrots please.” The greengrocer growing irate with the pounding on the table gives him a sterner look, wraps up the carrots, and off the rabbit goes.
The next day the same rabbit walks into the same greengrocers and starts his little schtick, but before he does the greengrocer goes “IF YOU POUND ON MY COUNTER ONE MORE TIME, I WILL NAIL YOUR PAWS TO THE COUNTER!” The rabbit sheepishly looks at the greengrocer and asks “Pound of nails please.” The greengrocer goes “This is a greengrocer, we don’t have any nails.” SO the rabbit pounds on counter again and asks “Pound of carrots please.”
lol That was a good one, WALL-E.
Here’s one based on one of the good ones, too, from this monthly magazine called “Reader’s Digest:”
A couple traveled to a town in a mini-van one day after deciding to take a break from the tiring city life. They drove by what appeared to be a welcoming sign of the town that signified its entrance. The five meters long sign that stretched beyond the side of a corn field beside the road said, “Welcome to Jakolrlostermangerdiggerechbonnerson!”
Rather puzzled by their whereabouts, they decided to stop by for some food, and maybe inquire about their location.
“Excuse me,” the wife of the couple raised the question to a young fellow serving them, “can you pronounce the name of our location in a really slow manner?”
The young man, seemingly taken aback by her question, approached her again after gulping in a deep breath.
“Bbbuuuuurrrr-ggggggeeerrrr Kiiiiiiiinnngggg.”
What do the oloompa loompas say when they’re on the dance floor?
Girl shake that laffy taffy!
LOL
very good TSS…
These aren’t really bad they’re just knock your sicks off hilarious
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really? Ya think?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; PoliceSuspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?Oklahoma's new construction program!
Man Struck By Lightning:Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is…
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
185 smileys walk into the bar. Bartender tells to leave, but the smileys say, But its happy hour!"
You know, I never did get that joke… Oh, wait! “Read”! My gosh, I can’t believe that I’d heard that joke for years yet never gotten it until now… 
WALL•E - Ha! I’ve heard that one before. 
– Mitch
Here is one more of those good ol’ Reader’s Digest humor, hopefully they will be able to knock you dead. Literally. 
A man walks into a wine bar with his dog.
“Excuse me,” says the barman. “No dogs allowed.”
“It’s OK,” the man responds. “This is a super-intelligent, talking dog.”
“Oh, yeah?” sneers the barman. “Prove it.”
“What grows on trees?” the man asks the animal.
“Bark, bark,” replies the dog.
“What do you find on top of a house?”
“Roof, roof,” says the mutt.
“What’s the opposite of smooth?”
“Rough, rough,” growls the hound.
The barman realizes he’s being made a fool of and throws the man and his dog out.
“Well, I’m terribly sorry about that, Peter,” says the dog to his owner outside on the pavement. “Just out of curiosity, which one did I get wrong?”
Very good wboon…very good.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Nobody.”
“Nobody who?”
…
Okay, i’m now changing this thread to “Jokes” instead of “Bad Jokes” because you guys can’t get enough of the good ones, and i, like most people, prefer good ones! 
Al-Bob: Those were extremely hilarious.
Some Things Actually Said in Court:
Q: Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Q: All of your responses must be oral, okay. What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you’ve forgotten?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: You were there until the time that you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you commited suicide?
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
This is not technically a joke, but it’s a killer.
“You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.” - Robin Williams
Here’s one
Q. Why did the man go to university?
A. To learn
I think I’ve heard most, if not all, of those “court” jokes before, but that one is a killer.
azzstar - Puh-ha!
– Mitch
This is by far one of funniest i read from the from the list
Why do turtles hate going into war? Everytime, it gets shellshock.
What did Mr. Incredible say when Frozone walked through the door?
Ice to see you!